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#Post#: 34578--------------------------------------------------
Moments in Time
By: HOLLAND Date: December 23, 2023, 3:32 pm
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This is a thread for everyone who wishes to do a little creative
writing, to post a short composition. This is the first one:
A Moment In The Wind
FE Warren AFB, November 1971
It was a cold November morning when he walked out of the
barracks and across the parking lot into the field. In the
wind, he stepped through the stubble of the cut hay and observed
in the distance the antelope warily watching him. They
gradually moved off not liking his company.
There was a howling sound in the wind, the vibration of several
power lines above him as he reached a road to cross. Beyond it,
he could see the base lakes and the cattails that surrounded it,
swaying in the wind.
The Spirit is like the wind, he thought. It is elusive. It
comes and it goes in our perception. It brings meaning and
purpose, and we sorely miss it when we do not perceive it. The
Spirit encompasses us all.
The man stopped. He sensed the wind and Spirit about him and
within him. He was in the center of the universe.
#Post#: 34626--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moments in Time
By: HOLLAND Date: February 3, 2024, 11:41 am
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On Top Of Knife Blade Ridge
August 1956
Adrian “Adi” Stemple, with his grandfather, finally stood on the
top of Knife Blade Ridge after the long morning hike up from the
trailhead at Crystal Lake. For Adi, a 9 year old boy, the hike
had been tiring but he was able to keep up with his grandfather
on that clear, sunny day. Adi was grateful that his grandfather
had given him rest by having them pause to look at the chipmunks
and spruce grouse found along the way.
At the top they could see the mountains in the distance in all
directions: the Judith, Moccasin, Belt, and Crazy Mountains.
They sat and rested for a while on one of the large rocks along
the trail and watched elk moving along the ridge below them and
listened to the wind blowing through the pines.
They didn’t walk along the ridge towards the West where the
Devil’s Chute cave was present, and beyond that, the more famous
Ice Cave of the Snowies. They got up and stood silently and,
looking to the East, they watched as three bighorn sheep climbed
up to the top of the ridge and observed them silently in return.
Then the bighorn sheep went down on the other side of the ridge
and were soon gone from view.
Adi followed his grandfather as they walked towards a rock cairn
where they would eat their lunch. Along the way, they both
stopped again and watched the hawks soaring above them, riding
the air currents, looking for small game. In the silence, Adi
expressed his thanks to God for all the marvels he had seen this
day. It would be a long day before they got back to camp at
Crystal Lake. It would not only be a great mountain walk but a
time of thankfulness, of prayer. He was glad to see these
sights and fix these places in his memory.
#Post#: 34632--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moments in Time
By: HOLLAND Date: February 18, 2024, 1:47 pm
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Something Lost, Something Found
Yakima, Washington, September 1959
Adi Stemple knew that he had lost her. In a way he knew that he
never had a chance with Kaitlyn. As he walked down the halls of
Franklin Junior High, he had to accept that he wasn’t a boy that
Kaitlyn would accept. His reputation among the girls had
preceded him. He had been a tease when it came to many girls,
especially in his last years of elementary school. Girls had
been a frightening mystery to him, as they were to many boys.
Now that he was twelve years old, he was determined to confront
this fear and deal with this mystery. Kaitlyn was so alluring.
Her hold on him was totally unexpected and frightening.
It had been a wondrous happening when she came into his life.
She had, by her simple presence, made life anew for him. He had
heard and understood that for most boys, they would fall in love
for the first time and soon it would be over within a year. He
wondered about Kaitlyn. He sensed that as she pushed him away,
he would be further drawn to her. They needed to speak with
each other.
He thought again of his abusive father. He could never bring
Kaitlyn before such a father. And the faceless psychologist,
his father’s enabler, Adi knew that that man in the shadows was
beyond his reach and Adi couldn't do anything about it. He had
seen the dark side of their power and control. In the school
library, Adi could see the horror stories about psychologists
that were coming out in the new books and magazines. Adi sensed
that he had to resist them. Maybe he would have to lose
Kaitlyn. Though he wanted very much to know her, he didn’t want
her to be used to emotionally blackmail him.
After school, he walked into the Franklin Park and stood amongst
the trees. He watched as the birds flitted among the branches.
He sensed that God strongly wanted him to love her, even if it
meant that he would be losing her. This meant that the act of
love was important and not necessarily the possession of that
love. It was a losing of something, but it was, also, a finding
of something else. But what was the meaning of that? Why would
God put that strong imperative into him to love her? He
suspected that she had inner torments similar to his. But what
were they? And how could he help her?
He thought again of his father and the hidden psychologist
behind him. They tormented him, trying to put him under their
control, and he was tired of the torment. He wanted something
more than what they could offer him. He wanted his humanity.
It was all very sad. He sensed that he would never be able to
help Kaitlyn. He realized that she had saved him, teaching him
to love again, and that he would be able to grow as a person, to
love others as he ought. That was an incredible gift. With
love, he would be unlike his father. Though Kaitlyn would
eventually be gone, and be with another boy, he sensed that she
would be ever-present in his memory. She would become a part of
who he was. He thought again about his father and the doctor.
It is strange how things work out.
#Post#: 34662--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moments in Time
By: HOLLAND Date: March 9, 2024, 10:18 am
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The Police Had Arrived
Yakima, Washington, July 1957
The police had arrived unexpectedly. They had never came before
when his father was drunk and was shouting loud enough to be
heard in the entire neighborhood.
When his father started yelling in anger, for whatever reason it
was, after coming home drunk, Adi Stemple, hearing the noise
downstairs from him, quickly crawled under his bed clutching the
knife he had cached there. He trembled as his mother’s softer
voice tried to soothe his father, but to no avail. His father
yelled on and on for a long time. To Adi's surprise it stopped
when there was a loud knocking at the front door, and a stern
voice saying that it was the police. Adi became excited about
that and strained further to hear. He heard a stern voice
ordering that the door be opened. Adi knew what his father
would do and what Adi expected soon followed. His father
started shouting profanity at the police. Then Adi heard a loud
crash as the police broke through the door. There was some
shouts and profanity from his father, a short sharp scuffle, and
then silence.
Soon there were the hurried sounds of people coming up the
stairs. “Adi! Adi!” some voices were calling, including his
mother. Adi didn’t move until he saw a policeman’s face and
eyes peering at him, seeing his small form under the bed. The
policeman noted Adi trembling, with tears, and clutching a
knife. “You’re safe, Adi,” the policeman said. “You don’t need
that knife, anymore.”
Adi let go of the knife and crawled out from under the bed. He
was grabbed and hugged by his mother who was now also sobbing.
Going downstairs, Adi observed his father was standing outside
by a police car with a policeman beside him. His father was
handcuffed and had a strange, quiet look in his face. When he
was moved into a police car, he was unsteady because of his
drunkenness. Curiously, Adi sensed that his father was actually
a stranger to him. Adi started trembling again until his mother
clasped him and held him until the trembling stopped.
“It’s now up to the courts,” said the policeman. “I suspect
that he’ll be examined by a psychiatrist appointed by the
court.” The policeman paused and then said, “We advise, Mrs.
Stemple, that you follow the directions of my colleague and
social worker, Ms. Doris Green. She will be able to help you.”
The policeman walked away.
The woman, Ms. Green smiled at Adi and his mother. It was at
this point that Adi, to his surprise, was to learn that a
shelter for them had already been worked out by Ms. Green, at
his mother’s prior and secret request. The plan was very
simple.
Adi and his mother, upon any indication of trouble from father,
were, singly or together, to go to a neighbor, several doors
down their street, to hide in a small room in their basement. A
latch key to it would be provided and hidden near the door to
that basement. In the basement would be a bed, a phone, a
fridge, and a hot plate. They could stay there for several
nights. After calling another number, they would be picked up
by another person in a car in the alley. They would then be
taken to another, larger, safer basement apartment across town.
There they could remain until further arrangements could be
made. Most likely, it would mean that Adi and his mother would
leave Yakima for either Montana or Oregon, where other relatives
were located.
They left the house and went down the street to meet these
neighbors and see the apartment. Adi sensed that his life was
now going to change. His father would now have to moderate his
anger and his drinking. Adi wondered what the future will bring.
#Post#: 34673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moments in Time
By: HOLLAND Date: March 24, 2024, 12:38 pm
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Escaping Assault
Yakima, Washington, May 1960
Adi Stemple was hiding behind one of the trash cans set by some
cars parked on a street a short distance from Franklin Junior
High. Happily, it was trash day for the neighborhood and the
cans had been put out for the sanitation company along the
streets and avenues. Some kids were looking for him, intending
to beat him up. Adi had heard the talk and seen the threatening
signs while he was at school earlier in the day. He ducked out
of the building more quickly than his enemies and rapidly moved
up a number of streets towards home. When he heard the voices
of the kids in the distance coming up one of the streets, he
went into hiding. He remained in hiding for a while and was
thankful that they didn’t find him.
He had heard criticism from his father, and from several of his
teachers, of Adi’s need to “buck up”, to stand up for himself
and to be less fearful, something Adi thought strange. But
wasn't he being who he was the result of his father? Wouldn’t
being reserved and having a certain defensiveness be expected of
someone who suffered under an abusive father? Wouldn’t
fearfulness be expected as the result when one doesn’t have the
right and power to defend oneself? If his father and the others
were so critical about this, why was there the plain denial of
that reality?
Indeed, some of the things his teachers said were very strange.
They spoke of their hostility to something they called
ressentiment, which apparently meant the resentment a person can
feel from mistreatment by those having power over one.
According to them, if you have the power, you should not be the
victim, or do what they call “playing the victim”, but strike
back. According to these teachers, no doubt echoing the
psychologist who was treating his father, Dr. Pauker, the victim
is always to blame, not the abuser. A person must always defend
himself. This, Adi thought was strange, and at a certain level,
ridiculous. In some power relationships, matters are so
unequal, this would be disastrous or even suicidal.
Adi thought of some of the consequences of this view. If the
teachers and doctor were right, weakness or kindness is somehow
inexcusable and ought to be condemned. If they are right, power
is its own justification, and is the basis of morality.
Morality is not based upon love, or any ideas of a public good.
The public be damned. In the end, words and deeds do not matter
because only power matters. Weakness is contemptible, and if
apologies are asked or demanded, then apologies be damned. Only
strength and endurance matters. But how could this ever be
correct? Could the doctor be thinking this? Is he playing with
my head?
Adi remembered when he no longer wanted to talk to the school
psychologist several years, before in elementary school. The
doctor looked at him, expressionless, his face deadpan, without
any trace of humanity, while Adi spoke to him of his fearful
experience. The doctor showed no reactions to what Adi had said
to him, what pains he had felt. The doctor clearly indicated no
empathy. Why this coldness? Why didn’t Adi's heavy emotional
burdens not matter at all to this doctor? What was the matter
with the man? Why was kindness and patience regarded as
weakness?
He had heard, through a newspaper article, that Dr. Pauker was
inclined towards behaviorism and something called determinism.
Behaviorists seemingly believe that society and its forces
determine human behavior, and not the other way around. He had
heard that some people were highly critical of that form of
psychology, which lead to the denial of human freedom. Is that
is why Dr. Pauker was so strange to him? Adi had to wonder that
if no one is responsible for their deeds, why should anyone be
approved or punished anyone for anything? Why should he be
asked to "buck up".
He remembered how his father changed somewhat when he faced
mandatory psychiatric care with that same doctor. There were
some positive results.
His father had mellowed somewhat. He drank less, but he still
remained an angry individual who could still be dangerous to
others. Adi still distrusted him and kept his distance from
him. What else could he do? If Adi was to count for being
something in society, didn’t his father, or the doctor owe him
anything for what he suffered? Did he really count for
anything?
Thinking about his father, Adi could only see that anger, as
his father demonstrated, was a dangerous emotion. His father
had spent a lifetime showing Adi that anger and other feelings
were avenues of danger, of where Adi could be dominated by his
father. Now, if he understood his current situation with his
father and the doctor, Adi could see that they were using his
emotions against him, as weaknesses to be exploited. Adi was
frustrated about that. He thought again about his worth as a
person. Wasn’t he owed an apology by his father? Adi was tired
of being dominated by his father and other people hiding in the
shadows. If people wanted him to “buck up”, maybe they should
express the manhood of being able to make apologies for the
wrong they’ve done. Adi realized that he had to keep a wall
around himself, a wall he had built up in a lifetime, a wall of
blandness to make himself a hiding place, blocking out people
trying to control or manipulate him. He had to continue
practicing dissimulation, hiding his feelings even though, as a
growing boy, this would affect his relationships with the girls,
especially ruining his pursuit of Kaitlyn.
After about a half hour, Adi got up from his hiding place and
began walking back to home. He knew he had to change his way of
defending himself. He would need to hide sticks and other
objects that could be used as weapons in a number of the
boulevard yards leading back to his home. He regretted that
there were no alleys as he had seen in other towns. He would
also have to look at some of the new Judo books that had come
out in the school library. He needed to effectively surprise
any attackers. He needed to learn some of the hitting
techniques that could really hurt an attacker. If Adi was going
to be attacked, he wanted to make sure that the attacker or
attackers suffered as well, and badly. He wanted to hurt those
other kids in such a way that others would be hesitant to attack
him again.
He felt fear. He still thought it highly likely that Dr. Pauker
had contrived to have some kids to assault him on his way home
from school, to have him “buck up”. This meant that, Dr.
Pauker, probably had the police and, maybe even, some of the
kid’s families backing him in on this. For Adi, this all seemed
strange. In the news, as a growing scandal among many people
concerned psychologists and psychiatrists, such as Dr. Pauker,
abusing patients, even electrocuting patients as a form of
therapy, routinely destroying them in the pretense of treatment.
More and more people were getting angry about these harmful
medical procedures. Wasn’t that a form of madness harming a
patient? Adi thought further, wasn’t this supposed madness,
actually a form of weakness?
He was at a strange place with Kaitlyn. He had lost her even
before the awkward introduction. The doctor was very right
about one thing. He needed to stand his ground. But it would
not be something his father and doctor expected. He would
demand apologies from them. His father needed to apologize to
him for treating him the way he did, and the psychologist would
also need to apologize for mistreatment, the engineering of any
possible assault upon him. Dr. Pauker certainly would need to
apologize for attacking Adi's relationships with girls such as
Kaitlyn. Adi recognized that he needed to remain on this
course, however long or painful it would be. He would need to
reject behaviorism or determinism. Thinking of Kaitlyn, Adi
realized that, in the name of love, he needed to affirm that
words and deeds ultimately matter in the end. He had to stick
to his resolve. The apologies must be given to him.
#Post#: 34691--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moments in Time
By: HOLLAND Date: June 14, 2024, 11:00 am
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The Walk in The Clouds
North Slope of Porphyry Peak, Judith Mountains, Montana, August
1960
Adi was walking along the slope of the mountain with his
grandfather. They had paused and watched as the oncoming
low-hanging clouds blew in from the northwest and enveloped them
as they had been walking along. It was not fog. Adi and his
grandfather both knew that the temperatures were not right for
fog. As they walked along, they watched the cold, swirling
white surround them in the silence amid the light breeze blowing
through the pines. Adi and his grandfather didn’t slow their
pace. They were able to see each other and the trail but little
else.
As they walked along the deer trail, Adi heard his grandfather
say, “I know how things are at home with you and your mother,
Adi. I ask that you be patient with your father. Never say
anything that would dishearten him since he’s now growing into a
better person.”
“Yes, grandpa,” Adi replied. Adi recalled that his father has
been moderating his anger and now they were making visits to
family in Oregon that were giving emotional support for their
family. Adi was pleased about his father’s brother, an Uncle at
Cannon Beach and to his mother’s sister, an Aunt in Newport,
Oregon who had been helping them.
His grandfather said, “I know, Adi, why you have put up high
walls between you and other people, because of your father and
others. It grieves me to see how distant you are with people.
But be very wary about the walls you’re building around yourself
and others. Do not cut yourself off from loving others and
being loved.”
“Yes, grandpa.”
“You’ve built around yourself big walls. It’s important to
remember that your walls are like these clouds that surround us.
They block us from understanding others and being understood by
them. In my military days, this lack of perception was called
the fog of war. It is within this fog of war that untended,
terrible things can happen.”
“I hate what’s happening to us, grandpa. I don’t see any way of
avoiding it.”
His grandfather stopped on the trail and looked back at Adi. “I
know, Adi that you cannot escape what’s coming upon you.
Remember what you’re risking for yourself. At a certain point,
I’ll not be able to help you. You’ll need to understand that
your whole life is in the balance, now.”
Yes, grandpa.”
Adi watched as his grandfather turned away from him, and they
resumed walking along the trail, enveloped by the clouds. His
grandfather paused for a moment and then said, “I remember
you’ve spoken of a girl that you’re interested in. You didn’t
mention her name and I can understand why you not doing so to
me. It’s the emotional blackmail that you’ve long suffered. I
know that your life is hard.
“If you truly love her and are hiding your love from her because
of your father and others, she shall not escape. They will use
her against you. In the end, she will, very likely, see you as
a curse.” His grandfather’s face was sad. He said, “Never let
her go. Never despair about love and your chances of receiving
it. If you fail in this, you’ll become what you fear most,
becoming who your father is.”
“Yes, grandpa.” Adi watched as his grandfather stopped again,
frowning, looking into the swirling clouds. Adi remembered his
grandfather had wanted him to see the spectacular view found
looking from the slope on the north side of the mountain. This
wasn’t going to happen today. After that short pause, they
resumed walking.
His grandfather said, “As we both know, Our Lord asks us to love
others as we wish ourselves to be loved. To receive
forgiveness, we must forgive others, however difficult that may
be. Many times love is a difficult thing.”
When they came to a large rock outcropping where they both could
sit, Adi watched as his grandfather wearily sat down. Adi came
up and sat down beside him. He saw that his grandfather was
more easily tired than he had been last summer which was very
concerning. Adi didn’t like how his grandparents were getting
more enfeebled with age. He couldn’t imagine walking the
mountains in Montana without him. Adi thought about Kaitlyn.
Could he ever love anyone like any boy should after the
harrowing legacy of his father? He thought about Christ and how
he suffered and died for humanity, his loving of so many but not
receiving love in return.
Adi saw how is grandfather was watching him. Adi said to him,
“I accept Christ as Savior and Lord, grandpa. I seek
forgiveness both for myself and others. I will follow Our Lord
and I wish this salvation for my father.”
His grandfather looked at him sadly. “I know you must keep your
distance from him, Adi,” he said. “He will probably be an
unsafe person for you for the rest of his life, but he must be
loved. Try your best to love him in these difficult
circumstances.”
“Yes, grandpa.”
“Do you remember, Adi, in the Scriptures where it is said that
the Israelites had a ritual involving the scapegoat. They made
a ritual of putting the sins of the community upon the scapegoat
and of casting it out into the wilderness.”
“Yes, grandpa.”
“And that there was another ritual of the Israelites involving
the pure, sacrificial lamb that was offered up on the altar in
Jerusalem for the sins of their community.”
“Yes, grandpa.”
“Jesus is both scapegoat and sacrificial lamb. As a scapegoat,
he took on the sins of humanity and was cast out of the
community of men and women. As he was sinless, as a sacrificial
lamb, he was offered up to the father in an act of worship we
could not do. He was loving humanity but, at that moment,
horribly alone and despised, enduring pain and rejection as we
must, when we are rejected, as we walk with his spirit. As
sinners, we have no escape except through him.”
Adi questioned his grandfather. “But grandpa, isn’t this
strange that the Father of All should do this to his own son?”
Adi also thought, and also his human sons.
His grandfather said, “Like the clouds that shroud us, much of
life is a mystery not open to us. It points to the mystery of
God coming amongst humanity as a person most people would
necessarily reject. The mystery does involve choice and our
opportunity to reject him.”
“Yes, grandpa.”
His grandfather looked at him closely. “Your father made his
choices in respect to you, Adi, his grim choices. And what are
all human choices in the final sense?”
Adi had to think on that as they both sat in silence, watching
the clouds swirl around them. The sight reminded Adi of many
morning fogs they both had experienced in Lewistown and on other
slopes and ridges of the Snowy and Judith Mountains. Adi’s
thoughts had turned to Kaitlyn and his desire to love her, even
if he’s lost her before he could even try for her. It all must
involve love, because love is a choice. Our humanity rests in
our freedom and our love.
As the clouds swirled around them, Adi looked at his grandfather
and answered, “Human choices are, in the final sense, decisions
to love or not to love.”
“That’s what I would think,” his grandfather said. “Choice
involves freedom. That is what God has put before us, the
choice and opportunity to love. You then know what must follow
from this.”
This is critical, thought Adi. He wanted to make sure he
understood. “And what would that be?” he asked.
His grandfather, with a certain look of sadness, said to him,
“If we find that we can be loved by others, we can better love
ourselves and others. Self-love and love of others is also a
choice.” His grandfather paused and said, “We can also come to
understand something else. We must beware of anyone or any
social movement that makes people scapegoats to drive them out
of the community. Also we must beware of those who make
themselves into sacrificial lambs, claiming a holiness that they
do not, or cannot have, only to stand in that place where only
God can stand. And we must beware of those who silently enable
these people.”
Adi thought about the late Senator Joseph McCarthy that was
active in his childhood, and of his monumental lies, and his
indifferent hatred of others. He had been such a man,
scapegoating many and claiming himself as a sacrificial lamb for
many. If there was a man filled with hatred and self-hatred,
Senator McCarthy was such a man. Those who believe in love and
freedom, Adi thought, will have to oppose these people.
As they sat in silence and watched the clouds around them, Adi
remembered a book he had read in the school library, a medieval
work, called “The Cloud of Unknowing”. According to that, while
we are alive in this world, we are surrounded by a cloud of
unknowing. The cloud of unknowing is that which blocks our view
of God and his workings. Within this cloud we forlorn and have
difficulty finding our way. We must seek to pierce through that
cloud. We cannot do this of ourselves. We must have God’s
grace. Then there is another cloud that exists as well, the
cloud of forgetting. That cloud is, in a way, that very same
cloud that obscures us from seeing God. We must seek to break
from the things of this world and its idols which separate us
from God. We must forget them, or hold them lightly in our
minds. We must walk in these clouds in faithfulness to the
Father, our God who remains hidden and discloses himself to us
as he wills. We do not see him but enjoy the light and his
presence in the swirling of the clouds, things to be forgotten
and to be pierced through. In death, we shall see him apart
from these clouds. We shall see him face to face.
The wind picked up and the clouds swirled around them. The two
got up and resumed their walk in the clouds. Adi wondered,
visually, how heaven would appear in glory. He liked to think,
sometimes, that it involved the interplay of clouds and light.
Heaven would be an ineffable happiness but also a surrounding
mystery.
Perhaps, God was working with them now, leading them where he
wants them to be. As Adi knew, God knows our prayers even
before we speak them. This would mean that our words are not
for God who knows everything but rather for ourselves. Perhaps
these words Adi and his grandfather had shared with each other
were, in a certain sense, God’s words for us now. Adi smiled as
he and his grandfather walked along the trail in the clouds.
God was all around them.
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