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#Post#: 26--------------------------------------------------
My struggle with sex.
By: lolafoundation Date: July 3, 2016, 4:36 am
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My struggle with sex
‘I am 29years old, I do have this uncontrollable sex urge so I
do have sex with any lady I come across. A month ago I met this
girl and I fell in love with her, and I have never had sex with
her, in fact that is the last thing I think about or would like
to do with her anytime we are together. Now I still have sex
secretly with other female friends and I am afraid, if she catch
me doing this, she might want to leave me, and I can’t just let
her go. (From Kunle)
Reply
Dear kunle, thank you for this sincere question and I must
commend you for the boldness to ask the question, it is
foundational to know that God created sex and the natural sexual
attractions and urges inside of you. It is legitimate and God
isn’t sorry about your sexuality, however its expressions are
made solely for the purpose in marriage and any sexual
expression contrary to the confined and defined purpose is
regarded as sin, irrespective of whatever the world may call it.
Let me reiterate further that, when people say nothing is bad
about sex, then they have to struggle with sex addiction all
through their lives, and that would result to bigger problems
for them and the society. Abstinence! No to sex till marriage
policy! will produce a marriage with no infidelity crisis. I can
confidently tell you that majority of the marriages that breakup
today are products of infidelity, and lack of self-control. Safe
sex before marriage can only at least prevent you from HIV and
other STDs but can’t prevent your marriage from infidelity
crises; in fact it gives ample opportunity for your marriage to
fail.
”Kunle, I think I just want you at this point to say a very
brief prayer with me before I attempt to answer your question
further, because it’s obvious you are addicted to sex and once
the problem has been identified you are one step closer to
deliverance;
“Father, I am not able to do the liberation here, but You are,
yes You are. You are and your Word is able, so I ask you to come
now into my life, and do the miracle that the Word was designed
to accomplish by your Spirit in Jesus’s name, Amen. Amen”
Anyway, you didn’t indicate whether you are a Christian or not,
but I would not assume that you are supposedly not, because
sometimes some ‘Christians’ can equally be entangled in this
kind of mess and even though be in church or even hold esteem
positions in the church.
From your expressions I’m sure you are frustrated about that
fact that you no longer have control over your wild desires for
sex (…this uncontrollable sex urge). I will like to address this
issue based on two assumptions;
Firstly I would assume that this brother is not born again, and
so a simple advise to you sir, is to be born again asking the
Lord to come into your life.
Hebrews 4:7 ‘Again, he limiteth a certain day, saying…., …..To
day, after so long a time;…To day if ye will hear his voice,
harden not your hearts’
God’s intentions are for you to become his child and forsake
your sins and come to him willingly, there and then he puts his
spirit in you and makes you a new creation; you need to give the
control house of your life to Jesus, then it will be no longer
your will and desires but His will and purpose that drive your
body.
Permit me to frankly reiterate the fact that it is a misnomer to
even talk about a relationship with the …‘special girl’ you meet
a month ago, while you still continue with lasciviousness, such
a relationship is devoid of love and it will be out of place to
talk the God-kind of love, because you are yet to receive the
offer of love that Christ has extended to you or worst still,
you have not make profit with His love for you, therefore it
will be impossible for you to generate the God kind of love for
her that can lead to a lasting relationship. What you can
produce as of now and what you have been showing to her is lust
(just as you’ve shown to several others…). Because you have not
asked her for sex yet or that asking her for sex is the last
thing you think about or would like to do with her anytime you
are together, does not in any way prove that you love her
neither does it preclude the fact that you are a sex addict who
needs Christ help and not self-help. So I think you should be
more concerned about how to attend to and get rid of the
unending appetite for sex lurking in the inside of you, than
getting into a relationship (with a wrong foundation and
understanding).
You may want to ask how you can practically overcome this
helpless drifting into sin? Just open your eyes, open your eyes,
open your eyes as you look at God’s crystal clear Word, God’s
crystal clear gospel, God’s crystal clear warnings, God’s
crystal clear promises in the scriptures that are 10,000 times
more precious than any sexual escapade. Open your eyes to see
reality for what it is. Stop seeing distortions. Stop seeing the
ephemeral euphoria of a moment’s sexual rush as more valuable
than inheriting the glory of God. See, see, see reality.’
Secondly, In case you are a Christian, and perhaps have had
experience of salvation previously, but along the line you found
yourself entangled in this mess.
Hebrews 12:15: “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace
of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes
trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually
immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birth right for a
single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to
inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to
repent, though he sought it with tears.”
‘Then my brother I think I should warn you in the strongest
possible terms that you should pick up your drooping hands,
strengthen your weak knees, make your paths straight and shout
at the top of your lungs if necessary with clenched fists and
gritted teeth in the face of Satan’s lie, and tell him to his
face that ‘you are not helpless. God did not make you to drift.
You are not a jellyfish in the currents of lust for sex. That is
not what God created human beings to be. That is not why Christ
died for you. That is not why you have the Holy Spirit. That is
not why you are a new creature in Christ. You are not helpless.
You are not helpless. You have Christ. You have the Holy Spirit.
You have the blood of the cross of the Son of God. You have the
hope of glory. You have the entire Word of God. You have the
promises of grace. You are not helpless. You are not helpless.
God! get that lie out of your life.’
Sir, as long as you play the victim as if lust is an omnipotent
enemy and they you become helpless, you are done for.
“You are not helpless. By faith you can do this. You can walk
out of lust and lasciviousness. By faith you can do this!” So
let me end there. “[Look] to Jesus,” —my friend — “the founder
and perfector of [your] faith, who for the joy that was set
before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated
at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). He did
it for you, and he will do it in you. Look to him. See reality
for what it is. Be strengthened by grace. Know that you are not
helpless, and put to death the lie when it comes.
In conclusion, I also think that you have to confess to your
friend and ask for her forgiveness, it may sound blunt, but you
have to do this. Let her know of your struggles and help
yourselves to be confidant friends, build a strong affection as
friends before the Lord together; this is your foundation and if
God wills he can consummate the relationship into matrimony, but
think of relationship first. #CoachLolaAgbajelola.
Read More www.lolafoundation.com.ng
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