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#Post#: 19--------------------------------------------------
Handling indecision in Relationships
By: lolafoundation Date: June 1, 2016, 2:37 am
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Hello ma,
I am 23years old. I fell in love with a guy who lives on the
next street, and our relationship is just six weeks last
weekend. I went to a friend’s aunt wedding, and met this guy
that wants me to be his girlfriend, I am now confused and don’t
know who to choose between the two guys. I think I love them
both. (Folake)
Reply;
I want to believe that in every situation it is necessary to be
calm; actually some decisions require urgent attention, while
some requires calmness. Decisions regarding relationships
require wisdom, sincerity and calmness, reason being that
decision is a strong entity that control entirety. What you’ve
achieved in life and ministry wouldn’t matter if you fail to
make the right decision as to who you marry. Indecision is part
of the starting game in any relationships and there is no cause
for alarm, but at the same time you can’t have marital
fulfillment by jumping from one man to another, or from one
woman to another. Despite the fact that we can’t decide or
choose something like where to be born, parent, country
etcetera, but be that as it may, God still make certain
provision for choice as regards some matter in our lives like
who to marry, but a wise man/woman will seek and humbly consult
God for direction. Remember God says that, the very hairs of
your head are numbered!
Making a decision as to who to fall or grow in love with will
definitely begin with you pouring out your heart to God to
inquire if he/she is the right one or not. I so much believe
that God is far more concerned about who you marry than you are,
and one of the plans of God for us is that we should not be
lonely. He wants us to have not just a companion but the right
companion.
Recently a friend asked me. Lola, I am really discouraged about
this relationship verse marriage issues, I said how and why, she
then said, “didn’t you read the news about how celebrity
marriages are concurrently hitting the rock”, and I said to her,
it really doesn’t matter, for the mere fact that some “celebrity
marriages” never worked out, doesn’t mean your own marriage will
not work out. The only thing that makes your relationship goods
or bad is who you are in it with. Relationship is the matter of
the heart and it is huge! And taking a decision as to who you
say a yes to, is a serious one; I have heard this statement so
many times that “Love is blind” remember it was Shakespeare the
great, that first made that statement. I will advise you to
voluntarily open your eyes. Take the matter to God and allow God
to do the right thing.
Moreover you need clarity on what it is, you really want from a
relationship i.e what are the things that are just
non-negotiable to you? Let me tell you one, “He/she must be God
fearing” #cough... Seriously I have not come across anyone that
doesn’t want a God fearing mate. And because of my
inquisitiveness I try checking the meaning of God-fearing. It
means living a moral life based on religious principles, but the
question is, how can someone say I fear God, when he doesn’t
even know God? So to identify a God fearing man or woman, you
also have to be God-fearing. If you are God-fearing every antics
of a “luciferious” man or woman will be exposed. If you fear God
you will be wise, you will understand the position of God and
read the mind of God as to all things in your life. The fear of
God is the reverences and consciousness of God. An unbeliever
cannot be God fearing. Don’t ask me why.
Sometimes ago a lady told me that she was in love with a guy
that drinks but doesn’t smoke, she further said he is so quiet,
very caring, gentle, so handsome, etcetera, and as time goes on,
she will make sure he stops drinking. So I ask her if she is
sure, that is the will of God for her life…. She immediately
replied me -“before nko”. (i.e. definitely). The relationship
lasted for few months before they broke up.
She was sad about it and decided to let God have his way
through her genuine repentance. That same year she relocated to
another state as a casual worker in one of the private company,
where she met a new guy who is a child of God and twice
handsome, very caring, gentle, so much better than her ex. There
are things you found attractive in your mate, but the truth of
the matter is that beauty, handsome, trustworthiness, kindness,
loyalty, and all the other things that drew you to your mate can
also be find in another person, if you can look far and wide
enough.
It is dangerous to drive yourself crazy by trying to create
something out of nothing, remember you are not God or a
magician. My darling friend wanted to fix her ex flaws.
Initially, she didn’t like guys that drinks, but she was ready
to ignore that because of all other attractive qualities
dangling at her. Don’t ever make the mistake of fixing anything
right from the beginning, don’t think of condoling, accepting,
encouraging or entertaining what you deeply dislike.
There are 3 stages of decision making in a relationship.
A.
Information from God after deep consultation with the Holy
Spirit, through prayer and fasting will simplify decision making
process and problem resolution in the present, immediate and
future. Your past is gone, there is absolutely nothing you can
do about it, but I can assure you that you are the master of
your destiny, which is your present; you should decide to handle
it with the fear of God. Human wisdom is very limited despite
all the technology, sophistication, advancements and
developments. When you turn your weakness to God, God will turn
it into strength.
Every decision you make should be built on the fear of God. I
will tell you a testimony of what prayer can do in your
relationship, in the next edition at www.lolafoundation.com.ng.
If you want to be sure, you must pray, no magic about that.
“Dating for an hundred years”, doesn’t gives a valid premise
that he/she is the right one.
B.
This is the state of being convinced, you need to be doubly
sure. if there are elements of doubt in you, that’s a bad omen.
If you don’t know or have a concrete reason for making a
decision, there could be loss of interest and you might develop
a “love-hate relationship”. In the society of today, we have a
lot of serial-daters, they are never fully committed, always
looking for love, but finding disappointment instead, who don’t
know who they are, the stuff they are made off and cannot
possibly explain what they want in a relationships, they are
distracted and can’t even clearly envisage the destination of
their relationship. it narrows down to the fact that there was
no conviction, they are not so sure, so they are afraid of
commitment. Your conviction will save you those stresses in
making a decision.
C.
This can either be “personal-experiences” or
“people’s-experiences”. Knowledge, opinions, and skills are all
part of the ingredients of experience. This old cliché holds
tenaciously true; a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a
wise person learns from the mistake of others. Now, remember not
to tamper with your conviction, let the information you have
from God and your conviction sit on the right, people’s
experiences should sit on the left, people’s experiences should
be applied with wisdom. Experiences are like seasoning
ingredients; you apply a little that is necessary to make your
relationship tasty.
[member=1]lolafoundation[/member].
ReadMore at www.lolafoundation.com.ng
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