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#Post#: 18--------------------------------------------------
What do I do with them?
By: lolafoundation Date: May 12, 2016, 5:34 pm
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What do I do with them?
I have been following your blog of recent and I admire how
truthful and realistic your advise have been when addressing
relationships dilemma. I have a sensitive issues and I want your
advice.
I am in a relationship of four years and I love my boyfriend
very much and we plan to get married as soon as possible.
Recently, I attended the birthday party of my friend who is a
guy, and I have been friend with him even before I met my
present boyfriend.
He has been a wonderful and very supportive friend over the
years; I was surprised when my boyfriend suddenly accused me of
dating and cheating on him. Presently I am stuck and clueless. I
don’t know what to do; I don’t want to lose my relationship and
my friend either.
Boluwatife.
Reply:
I can actually understand how you feel about your boyfriend
accusations. It suck when your partner feel like they can’t
trust you. I know it can be really annoying, but the truth is
that, he is feeling very insecure about your relationship and I
can tell you that taking things for granted is one of the
biggest mistakes committed in any relationship.
Your partner is suspecting and feeling something that appears
like a threat to him, and if not well handled these could be a
signs of breakup, so you have to quickly control this period of
dissatisfaction, frustration ,irritation, anger, hurt and
disappointment by talking to him on how you feel and how you
have and never will cheat on him.
Communication is essential at this juncture and sharing your
thoughts and feelings will creates a bond between the two of
you, tell him he his creating his own unhappiness and he needs
to free rein it before it ruins your relationships.
Trust is one of the important elements of a relationship. If
your partner is accusing you of cheating because of his own
insecurities about the relationship, your partner has a paranoid
mind, so there is need for explanation; explain to him that you
are not cheating on him. You need to sit him down and have a
heart to heart talk; otherwise this might put such a big strain
on your relationship.
But if he is complaining about the same thing over and over
again, then you have to adjust, both of you should learn how to
come to an understanding and agreement over the issue, my best
advice is not to do anything stupid don’t raise any sort of
argument, because the more you try to prove a point, the worst
it gets. Instead of insisting, yelling and creating unnecessary
drama or argument just call him and have a peaceful talk; he
will respect you for that.
Also, you have to place a limit between your friendship zone and
your relationship. Don’t mingle the two together. The question
is ‘do you put your best friend before your relationship’? To
him it might be, you are giving more attention to your friend
than your relationship, and I can tell you that your partner
holds some control over you at least to some length so perhaps,
you will need to take some adjustment to make your boyfriend
feel more secure. friend too are important part of our lives,
but the sad truth is that, it is risky to trade your
relationship for something else all because of your
carelessness; you will then realize how expensive it is to lose
your relationship, so you have to make a decision about who
matters to you, It’s definitely a tough one, but you have to
decide.
Finally, you have to talk to him to allow you have the freedom
to have your friend without the fear of losing your
relationship. But after you have tried to convince him about the
truth and he still finds it difficult to believe you, then I
advise that the two of you require a session with a counsellor,
change is inevitable and your positive influence on him will be
felt.
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