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#Post#: 12--------------------------------------------------
Don’t Date with a wrong strategy
By: lolafoundation Date: May 6, 2016, 3:09 pm
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Hello Lola, I have a question that has been bugging me, I
really love a guy and I was tempted in say it, but caution
myself like I don’t have to say I love you first, but because I
was crazy about the love thing, so I went ahead to write him a
letter, telling him how much I love him. I have no idea how
exactly I did that but of course I wasn’t comfortable with my
decision, after a whole two weeks he was silence and I was
eagerly waiting for his response, so surprisingly he replied my
letter and he said he is sorry but he did not love me, this made
me feel really awful about myself, I felt like there was
something wrong with me.. Have I taken the wrong decision to
deserve that harsh reply from him?
Olufunke.
Definitely, a girl can profess her love for a guy, but probably
shouldn’t. Mistakes are made in relationships because of wrong
decisions, which later become a dilemma. Relationships are an
important part of your life and it speak volume about your
personality, it gives a picture of who you are and how well you
can manage, handle and live together with people. Generally we
all believe that two people are needed to build and establish a
relationship. Don’t ever contact a guy first, it is wrong to
make the first move. You should learn to tame your emotions so
it will not overrule your common sense.
When men first realized they are in love, it freak them out a
little, they feel great about it and are ready to take things to
the next level, also for women they feel so excited and happy
when they are in love and seriously they can be mad about it.
However, how long this emotional feeling take is quite different
from each man and woman and is a function of various things like
individual personalities, peer group, past relationships,
upbringing and many more.
African ideology about dating, has so much to do with our
cultural believes which also has some religious backup, so the
African society itself lay much emphasis on the core
relationship subject which is marriage and dwell slightly on
dating. The society believes that women that makes their
intention known to men are either promiscuous or they lacks
self-worth. Aside this, men like challenges and are ready to do
anything to get who their heart beat for at all cost.
The reason a man will say to a woman ‘I love you’ is because
they believe that these words matters to them a lot, it shows
how pretty sure they are, how committed they are and how loyal
they are to them and their promises.
Now the very moment a girl want to act smart by saying it first,
then it appears to a guy that she want to trap his emotions
down, or she is enforcing, pressurizing him to love her.
Displaying too much eagerness can scare a guy off.
Luckily I will say, the guy was very honest to have replied you
politely, do you have a similar thought that if he has said yes
to your proposal, and won’t you doubt his sincerity? Will a
positive reply looks genuine to you? Am sure you could have been
more confused.
Some individuals are of the opinion that it is absolutely wrong
for a girl to approach a guy that she love him, according to
them, it like such a girl don’t believe that she is priceless
as a woman, which I really agree with, you know when you don’t
know yourself you just throw yourself around anyhow, but when
you have realized how worthy you are then, you carry yourself
well, and I also hold the opinion that it is wrong to just throw
yourself at anybody who doesn’t know your value and worth. The
scripture also says ‘he, who finds a wife, finds a good thing
and obtains favour from God, and not the other way round.
Another category of people are of the school of thought that,
there is nothing bad if a woman approaches a man for a
relationship, perhaps they felt she is only expressing her
feeling and emotion. They believe that a lady will be missing
out on all sorts of opportunities with guys if she is waiting
for them to ask her out. What if I had waited for so long for
the guy to say to me he loves me, and I am tired of waiting, so
what is wrong if I am the first to say it.
Sincerely, the question I will also want to ask is that are you
saying it with or without a notion of expectation whatsoever
from the guy? Looking at the society today, there is a love
problem, I understood that people believes in love, but
truthfully love is beyond what we see in movies, see our
neighbour doing, love itself is an adventure that begins with
you, for without self-love, we cannot know what true love can
be, accepting that you are responsible for your fulfillment in
life, nobody else does not even your relationship can provide it
for you. Many youths believe it is an outdated relationship
rules but it’s definitely not, not when there is a very high
rate of divorce in our world today, which can be traced to bad
dating strategies, and weak relationships foundation. Seriously,
even when a guy says it to you first, it doesn’t even guarantee
you a blissful marital life, not to talk of when you are trying
to forcing it…….
Many times it’s our actions, not just our words that really
speak what our heart feels for another, so next time you are in
love with a guy just act wisely and talk less. Stay in touch
with those that matter to you, if he like you, he will pursue
you, but don’t ever jump the gun. A guy that doesn’t ask you out
is likely he is in a relationship or don’t feel any connectivity
with you, so keep you emotion checked and I can promise you,
this will increase your chance of finding a suitable partner.
©lolafoundation
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