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#Post#: 6816--------------------------------------------------
'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Helen Date: October 3, 2015, 4:33 pm
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Not wanting to hijack Daves thread...thought I would start a
Misc Thread for anything and everything. A kind of dumping
ground. ;D
Saw this and thought it had a good punch line.
WILL IT BE HEAVEN OR HELL?
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically
hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it
seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around
these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll
do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you
can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in
the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a
clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and
other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet
him, Shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had
while getting Rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster,
caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such
a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the
elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven
where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of happy
souls. Everything was beautiful and they were moving from cloud
to cloud, smiling and singing.( strange how some people see
heaven!!) They enjoy a very good and peaceful time and, before
he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven.
Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I
would Never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a
barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash
and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his
shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday
I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate
lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great
time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my
friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were
campaigning. Today you voted."
#Post#: 6817--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Dave Date: October 3, 2015, 6:55 pm
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FUUUnny; now I see how we got our N.D.P goverment.
#Post#: 6944--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Mike Date: October 6, 2015, 3:53 pm
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[center]Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
"If I do a sketch of thee,
What grade of Pencil shall I use,
2B or not 2B?"[/center]
#Post#: 6945--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Helen Date: October 6, 2015, 4:03 pm
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Good one Mike... ;D
Here is one for the men...especially if a wife moves a man's
golf balls, when she gets tired of dusting around them and it
upset him! LOL
In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially
intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of
Adam's ribs.
Later on in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as
though he were ill,and said,'Johnny what is the matter?' Little
Johnny responded ,'I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going
to have a wife.'
#Post#: 6946--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: James Date: October 6, 2015, 4:35 pm
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Yes a wife can be a pain in the something, but not all the time.
When she realizes who is boss peace and harmony are restored.
#Post#: 6947--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Helen Date: October 6, 2015, 4:44 pm
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Oh..clever wit. ;D
#Post#: 6948--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Pat Date: October 6, 2015, 4:57 pm
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[img]
HTML https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtl1/v/t1.0-9/12079259_1011716888873035_2519325370492445440_n.png?oh=8b66464e4a9e532d16825d1ea69816db&oe=5689DD48[/img]
#Post#: 6950--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Dave Date: October 6, 2015, 7:35 pm
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Pat, the "real" version of your joke is, "Behind every nagging
woman is a nagging mother in law" Mike, 2b or not 2b, has to be
Spike Milligan, do I get a prize!!!!!!!!
#Post#: 6953--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Ivor Date: October 6, 2015, 8:46 pm
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An oldie but a goodie
On arrival at the pearly gates our dearly departed is given a
tour and while sitting in the restaurant he sees the vast amount
of clocks hanging on the walls with names above them.
St Peter notices his interest and he is told when a person on
earth lies then their minute hand turns one click. He then says
look in the “religious” section at Mother Teresa’s - see how
hers has hardly turned.
Now look in the “political” section and notice that in the whole
time in office Abraham Lincoln’s only turned 8 times.
The new arrival asks, “How come all the current UK prime
ministers are here but David Cameron’s?” St Peter replies:
“We keep David Cameron’s in the kitchen - we use it as a ceiling
fan!” :D
#Post#: 6954--------------------------------------------------
Re: 'Anything goes'. Jokes,World News etc
By: Helen Date: October 6, 2015, 9:11 pm
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Never heard that one Ivor....new to me.. :)
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