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#Post#: 87--------------------------------------------------
Walk of Faith
DIR By: StoryGod
Date: December 29, 2019, 11:10 am
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Tikvah forgot to tell Corianne she set an alarm for 5:30am. This
time there was no lady on the loudspeaker waking up the girls,
and Corianne cursed her roommate out for the early wake up and
then she got curious. She looked out the window and said to
Tikvah: "It's still dark outside."
"It doesn't matter. I have to be at Singer-Provine at seven am."
"How come..."
"I'm going to shul, synagogue with a bunch of Orthodox kids."
"Good luck, and I'm sorry."'
"It's OK."
Tikvah found some fresh underwear. She remembered to pull her
bed together and went looking for tights. She had two pairs. One
was torn. The other was brown on the heels and tight through the
feet. "Am I growing?" she wondered as she took her toiletry
bucket to the bathroom to wash up. Then she dressed in a navy
skirt, the white tights, and a pink and navy striped polo shirt
and medium blue sweater, because the mornings were cold."
"You're going to need a jacket," the mora, who was really not a
mora, Albina advised her when Tikvah knocked on her door for a
pass. "Let's get you something out of the pantry," Albina
suggested.
"I don't think I have time."
"It's a long walk. You don't have to pray on an empty stomach."
"How do you know."
"I had Orthodox friends. You can have a bit to eat."
The chocolate stripe short bread cookies sat in a corner of the
pantry box. There were three left, and Albina gave all three to
Tikvah. "Eat these," she said. Tikvah said the mezonas blessing
and nibbled on the cookies. She ate them as she walked to
Singer-Provine and then licked crumbs from her lips. Despite her
sweater and jacket, she was cold. The sky glowed with silvery
false dawn. Real dawn, which came half an hour later was blue.
There were seven kids and one adult in the group. Four of the
kids were male. Two of them were nearly grown. The rest were
boys who wore kipot and kept to themselves. There were also two
nearly grown girls, one of whom wore a leather mini skirt, well
not really a mini skirt, just one that came down to her knees.
"Are you wearing comfortable shoes," Dr. Zafran asked Tikvah
after she introduced herself. Tikvah wore sneakers. When she got
new shoes, they would be comfortable enough to walk in. "Well
let's go. Time flies when you're having fun," Dr. Zafran made a
lame adult joke.
Tikvah knew enough not to complain. Dr. Zafran and the women
knew enough not to move too fast. They walked through endless
winding suburban roads, sometimes past apartments, but more
often past palatial homes, the kind of homes that did not spring
up in New Square because the residents were spiritually rich and
materially poor, and besides that land was scarce. "How there
could be a shul in such wealthy country and what sort of a shul
it would be worried Tikvah.
The synagogue turned out to be built of yellow stucco and
nestled among apartments and stores. They had come to White
Plains the back way. They had walked an incredible distance
through inhabited area, far longer than anyone should walk on
Shabbos, but they were here.
The fourth and fifth grade service that Tikvah attended that
morning was a disappointment. The kids wanted mostly to play and
fool around. Tikvah told herself that she had forgotten that
synagogue on Saturday especially for girls in religious school
was a social time. Girls in secular school needed to get their
religion on the weekends. There was a bit of a prayer service
and lesson. Tikvah hogged the questions and answers. She knew
them. She was also glad when she got sent upstairs to listen to
the parsha and read along. The teacher offered it as an option,
and Tikvah grabbed it. She returned with Moshe Rabbinu's speech
to the soon-to-stray Israelites resonating inside her as well as
Isaiah's words of comfort in the Haf Torah.
"Where were you?" the teacher asked.
"Listening to the Haf Torah," Tikvah answered sure she was in
for it and would be back on campus next weekend. "It is one of
the comforting readings."
"Yes..." the teacher decided it was OK. The class had a
discussion about Israel, played a game outside that was if
anything worse than what they played with Ms. Albina and the
girls who loved games and then it was time for Kiddush, a big
spread that beat Sunday brunch. There was pickled herring that
even Corianne would not have eaten, cholent, cookies, fruit,
kugel, and soda. It lasted forever. By the time, Dr. Zafran and
all of them returned on the long, hot walk back to
Kotiah-Yovanovitch, it was well past three pm.
"So how was fourth and fifth grade class?" Dr. Zafran had
cluelessly asked as they walked through the endless fat country
of Scarsdale and Hartsdale.
"It was OK."
"I'm glad you liked it."
"I didn't really. It's just those kids go to religious school,
and this is my only day and...They let kids go up to hear the
Torah, but I stayed for the Haf Torah and I don't think I was
supposed to..."
"Did you enjoy the Haf Torah?"
This wasn't adult trickery speech.This was just weird. It wasn't
something people asked, certainly not religious people.
"Yes, it was the Haf Torah of comfort."
"How do you know?"
"Because Yishaiohu talks about when Messiah will come and we all
go back to Israel, and everybody's sins are wiped away, and you
don't want to commit more of them."
"Where did you learn that."
"The rabbis back in New Square and I can read Hebrew, English,
and Yiddish."
"OK....you know Tikvah, the services are for you to enjoy and
get something out of. Everything we enjoy is not material."
"You mean spiritual." This man talked like Corianne.
"Yes. If the fourth and fifth grade class doesn't do it for you,
then ask for a pass to come upstairs to the adult service. You
can do that. Nobody will yell at you. If anyone has any
questions, they can ask me since I'm responsible."
"Thank you Dr. Zafran."
"No problem, Tikvah. If you're willing to walk four miles each
way to Synagogue then it's going to work for you. It's my job to
see it works for you."
"Back in New Square, nobody talked about praying working for
them," thought Tikvah. She was not sure what to make of that.
Tikvah arrived at campus, hot and thirsty. She tapped into
Cerni-Al-Sigh and then into her suite. No one was around, but no
one could send her to study hall because she was at loose ends.
She checked the app on her phone, and found that Albina and the
rest of the group was outside Rapinoe-McConolly-Brinker, and she
could guess what they were doing. Tikvah decided she was thirsty
and drank two glasses of water, grabbed her coffee table book on
light and colors, and headed over to Rapinoe-McConolly-Brinker,
making sure to keep the cardboard on a string visible along with
her Dazzling Dodo D-Card. She had read the verses of comfort,
gone to services, and was well inside the law. Alas, her second
pair of tights was not torn at the toes on each foot. Tikvah
pushed thoughts of Rosh HaShannah out of the way.
#Post#: 122--------------------------------------------------
Re: Walk of Faith
DIR By: StoryGod
Date: January 9, 2020, 5:43 pm
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"Do you think coffee oreos will wake me up?" Tikvah asked
Albina, the mora.
"They probably just have coffee flavor in them," Albina told
Tikvah. Tikvah ate three cookies drank some milk, wiped her face
and headed out with her pass hanging from her neck along with
her D-Card. She walked to Singer-Provine and joined the Orthodox
shul walkers and Dr. Zafran.
They made small talk as they walked through the wealthy, sleepy
world. As the houses gave way to apartments and a few offices
Dr. Zafran told Tikvah: "If the class doesn't do it for you,
come into the main service. If your Hebrew is not fantastic, you
can pray and read Torah in English. I suspect you're a pretty
good reader." Tikvah smiled because she detected a compliment in
Dr. Zafran's words.
"I'm supposed to get something out of it," Tikvah remembered Dr.
Zafran's words last week. Then she remembered trying to pray
from her all Hebrew siddur in Brooklyn and feeling the words
dissolve into meaningless sounds. In English, the words made
sense and if they made sense....but praying in English was not
the same as lashon kodesh. On the other hand, understanding at
all, meant she could pray. She thought of Daniel in Tanach,
refusing to eat the King's royal food and insisting on beans.
Tikvah guessed that Daniel did not inspect the pots in which
they were cooked, and store bought, packaged cookies, and peanut
butter and jelly were not invented in those days. She got it.
She got it, and put it to work. She lasted through half the
fourth and fifth grade class, then sat with a girl in a teal
colored skirt, a high school girl who looked very grownup and
smelled of lemony perfume. Tikvah wondered whether lemony
perfume prayed in Hebrew or English.
On the way back from Young Israel of White Plains in the middle
of a warm, sticky, September afternoon, lemony perfume got into
a discussion about how difficult it was to pray from a siddur.
"...I mean," she said "It's one size fits all. That never
works." Tikvah thought about her tight tights. She had new
tights coming. They would be here for Rosh HaShannah.
"I mean half that stuff doesn't apply to me. Some of it says the
sun goes around the earth, and yes I know that's poetry. Other
things like praying for light....we can't see the stars due to
light pollution. It is dark nights we need."
"People pay good money for black out curtains," another girl
chimed in. Tikvah wondered at the argument. She knew that light
was a supernatural, spiritual concept, but light pollution was a
thing too.
"You want some help with this?" asked Dr. Zafran. "Or are you
just unloading."
"Unloading," said black out curtains.
"Depends what the help is," lemony perfume replied.
"Well, you can stop reading the siddur at any time and pray your
free style prayer, just talk to God. Tell Him what you need."
"What about counting your blessings?" asked lemony perfume.
"That's a great idea."
"Excuse me, but you're not a Rav," Tikvah spoke up.
"I know that, but I'm a social studies teacher. I'm an educated
man and I help students learn and understand. "
"So davening is like going to school?"
"Religion is a humanity like English and foreign language. It's
good to understand what you say when you pray. Prayer helps you
find meaning in life."
"I already have meaning. I'm a Jew," Tikvah replied, her face
feeling hot.
"Now you need to explore what being a Jew means." This was
surprisingly nimble, adult trickery talk.
"It means I have a neshama."
"Define neshama Tikvah."
"A special kind of soul."
"The deluxe version."
"If you're mot making fun of me yes...I'm sorry."
"For what."
"I accused you of making fun of me."
"I used an informal definition on purpose, but not to make fun
of you, but you said yes."
"What does that special soul do for you."
"It means I need to learn from the Torah, even if, well I have
to learn so I'll know how to behave so one day when I have kids
I can teach them. Also, if I'm out in the secular world, I have
to fight to keep my faith, not mean fighting or arguing, but a
lot of saying no, and deciding what to wear, and knowing HaShem
is watching and not forgetting that."
"So God gave you a special job..."
"Yes. I want to keep doing that. I didn't.... I didn't decide to
give it up. My mom did. I know that's lashon hara."
"Not the way you said it. I think you're OK."
"Sometimes the only thing you can do is put in the work,
understand?"
"I'm supposed to have free will and autonomy."
"What's autonomy, Tikvah?"
"Deciding what I want for myself and getting it."
"That's right. And does autonomy and free will have to be a
hundred percent?"
There was an uncomfortable silence. "No," Tikvah finally said.
"What percentage do you think I have?"
"At what percentage does free will disappear?" asked a boy who
was short, squat, and wore a yarmulke the color of faded blue
jeans.
"I think that's a judgement call," Dr. Zafran replied.
"Where do you judge it?"
"I think it depends upon the situation. If you want to eat glatt
kosher in the dining hall, you will starve. If you want to avoid
meat and milk together, or pork, or shellfish and crustaceans,
you can do that , so in the dining hall you have maybe fifteen
percent free will, which is much better than zero. If you want
to dress tznius and you're female, you can wear a midcalf skirt
and in Tikvah's case tights. Tikvah when it comes to tznius you
have a hundred percent free will."
"Unless I go swimming."
"Do you swim."
"I'm in beginner aquatics and swimming is co-ed."
"How do you feel about that."
"Nobody looks at me like I'm naked, so it's OK. It wouldn't be
OK in New Square."
"Is that where you are from?"
"I lived there until January of fourth grade."
"And then..."
"My mom moved my brother and me to Brooklyn."
"Did your mother stop being Orthodox?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry Tikvah, but my parents did not raise me Orthodox
either."
"You had free will and autonomy."
"So do you."
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