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#Post#: 22779--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: jentybhullar Date: July 17, 2016, 11:35 pm
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Hi Jed, in my previous posts, I mentioned there is some force
which pushes me towards search for enlightenment, but now I
realize there is also a force (fear) that pushes me away from it
also. In all my previous attempts, usually I try to give it all
I can, and after a few months of meditation, being aware,
counting the steps when walking, feeling the glass when drinking
water and each sip I take, blah blah.. I start to get a fearful
feeling (of emptiness? ???).. and then not sure how, but next
thing I realize is that I am hanging out with friends and
completely unaware of myself, back to that maya and
unconsciousness, feeding my mind again with movies and tv etc.
So my questions is how can I overcome that fear this time, if I
happen to come across it again, and keep moving forward? A lot
of teachers say you have to let go of everything, even the fear
of death and enlightenment will come to you. Isn't that like a
doctor telling you to cure yourself of cancer and then come see
me, and I will give you medicine? Shouldn't letting go of fear
and everything else be a symptom of enlightenment, rather than
requirement? Please guide me :'(.
Love you Jed.
#Post#: 22780--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 17, 2016, 11:54 pm
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Letting go is neither a precursor, a symptom or a result. It's
more like a concurrence in your journey towards self and
realizing that the seeker is the sought and the sought is the
seeker.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 23745--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: jentybhullar Date: September 5, 2016, 8:11 pm
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Hi Jed, I've been trying vigorously to be aware and present in
current moment, feel my self here, in the body.. blah blah.. it
was a bit hard in the beginning, but I must admit lately has
been some what better. I've been reading N's "I am that", along
with Zen/Sufi poems, koans etc to keep me motivated. I can
notice more silent gaps in my mind than before. There are
moments so peaceful that even to speak feels like so much
effort. It's not that mind has stopped, but it's just not as
loud and powerful anymore, but it's still constant, and doesn't
touch me as much. There are moments I jump and dance with joy,
and there are moments I feel the life has been sucked out of
this world that I use to see everyday. The bright colours that
used to attract me are now dull and boring. Silent prevails in
the background.. and now no longer feel myself in the body.. but
"Just am"... Mind is still here, but is usually slayed fiercely
with the sword of awareness... but sometimes it comes wearing
spiritual robes and does drift me away.. I am still trying to go
further and further, even though that "I" seems like some
distant past, someone I used to know.. Please let me know if you
have any suggestions. Thanks Jed.
Love you.
#Post#: 23747--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 5, 2016, 10:29 pm
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If you can experience it, then it is not IT.
Now, my suggestion is, guess what... further.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 23778--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: jentybhullar Date: September 7, 2016, 8:27 pm
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Thanks Jed. I never took the experience to be IT, but more as a
sign post that may be I am on the right track.. i mostly feel
lost most of the time... I never have experiences like most
people.. how they claim to have "oneness" experience that lasted
half an hour.. or so.. That peace I was referring to in my last
post is no longer here... it comes and goes but I am trying not
to cling to it or wanting for it to come back, but not having it
makes me feel that may be I am not going further.. I saw that as
a sign of progress, but now there is no sign. It will probably
come again, it will probably go again.. but that worries me not.
I just wish to be free already. Not sure what more I have to do,
thought still arise, feeling and emotions come and go too, it
seems mind has picked up pace again after a little break.
#Post#: 23784--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 8, 2016, 4:23 am
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Remove anything and everything that says you are not free.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 24051--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: jentybhullar Date: September 19, 2016, 6:59 pm
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Hi Jed, how are you? Just a little update, I have been trying
the "Here and Now" and feeling the "Presence" for last couple of
months, but yesterday I watched one of Mooji's video, which has
me thinking since last night. I am trying to find the "I" that
has been doing everything and I can't find it. I understand it
intellectually now that "I" is made up of thought/memories,
without any real essence. I have been creating I's out of thin
air, including the I that is saying this right now. For every
"I" I create and destroy, hundred other rise up to take it's
place. There is an I that saw the previous I, there's an I that
destroyed the I, there is an I that felt proud, there is an I
that thinks Jed is going to pat me on the back, hahahaha I
(<another **** I) see this so **** clearly now how the I is
created out of thin air.. it's a **** joke. There is an I that
wants to get enlightened, there is an I which wants to be free..
**** there are so many many many I's... and when I try to find
them, they vanish, only to come back again when I am not
questioning it's existence... but then again, where is the ****
I which is questioning? I thought I was spiritually mature but I
haven't even taken the first step yet.. wait, which **** I
hasn't taken the first step?? LOL... what a **** joke.
Love ya.
P.S. I wanted to ask you how do I create stopping I's, then I
realized I will be creating another "I" that wants to stop
creating "I"'s.. but it's too late, I already created another I
which has realized it will be creating another I. LOL.. the
biggest joke is being played in my mind right now.
#Post#: 24058--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 19, 2016, 10:44 pm
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That's a useful awareness... now start making up more ''i''s.
Make up twenty per day. Start listing them, then up if to fifty
per day. Do it until you puke, then really get into it. I mean
really. Start creating a hundred an hour, then five hundred an
hour. After you have honed your skills, see how many you can
create in a minute. Let me know.
This is no joke. Do it, or not.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 24184--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: jentybhullar Date: September 25, 2016, 7:48 pm
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Thanks Jed. Something happened 2 days ago, I was at a carnival,
and all of a sudden in middle of the crowd, something happened.
I can't even remember much of it, as if the memory stopped
recording. It was probably an experience where I felt like a
cloud of awareness around the body, and body was kind of in me,
or it wasn't, not even sure anymore. Everything I was doing was
kind of happening spontaneously, My mind was not peaceful, no
not at all, in fact it was shooting out thoughts like no
tomorrow, trying to analyse this experience from every angle.
Time wasn't there.. or was there.. not sure. It lasted 3-4
hours, when it was happening, it felt very ordinary. I asked
myself during this experience "Am I still seeking
enlightenment", but I felt fulfilled. Like there was nothing to
seek anymore. I don't think I felt any oneness at all, objects
were still separate. I honestly thought I woke up, but I guess I
didn't. Something did change afterwards though, I do kind of
feel hollow on the inside. I don't feel there is anymore energy
left to go further. The mind is full in form and the
Imaginary-Me that used to watch the thoughts and "I"s feels
exhausted to keep going further.. how can the imaginary-self go
further anyway? I can't scoop water out with imaginary glass.. I
don't know what to do. I feel stuck. Oh and another thing, When
i used to do the "Being" or "Feeling Presence" meditation, I
used to feel awareness as a focused point somewhere in my body.
Now I feel it as unfocused, can't really locate myself. I need
help :(
#Post#: 24187--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Long Journey
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 26, 2016, 2:20 am
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No one can help you... it's a DIY project. You know exactly what
to do, now do it.
Love ya, Jed.
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