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#Post#: 22038--------------------------------------------------
what now?
DIR By: CollapseAll
Date: June 22, 2016, 1:11 pm
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Dear Jed,
It's been about a year into this shedding of self journey. I've
come to a place where I am just spiritually lethargic and really
sad. I know that I cannot know any more "I Am" and that no
belief is true. I used to believe that my happiness or sadness
came from what I was believing, and I could easily give myself a
pep talk and feed myself enough bs to get through (or suppress)
my dis-ease at least for a whlile. But now, I know too much (or
too little?) to delude myself so a deep discontentment with this
'game of life' ensues. I feel very helpless and alone. And I am
wondering if that's exactly what I am supposed to feel, like
some intelligence beyond is guiding me to dwell in this pit and
who am I anyway to pout about it. Something keeps telling me to
just stay with the moment, make friends with it, accept it or
even accept my nonacceptance of it. Any feedback is
appreciated.
Thank u,
CollaspeAll
#Post#: 22042--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 22, 2016, 5:23 pm
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Dear CA:
Welcome to the forum and thanks for your post. You know what to
do. It's in your second to last sentence, and remember, this too
will pass but not by avoidance. There is something to be learned
from it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 22167--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: CollapseAll
Date: June 26, 2016, 9:09 pm
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Dear Jed,
I gather that once again I was getting caught up in the content
of my experience, but instead of the blatant content, my
mind-interpretation of the content. I learned by true surrender
that the content doesn't matter (illusion is illusion) but my
awareness flowing makes the difference. I am becoming more and
more tuned into the flow of energy - I can sense when I allow it
and when I stop it. It's when I stop it that I feel so out of
sorts and am tempted (conditioned) to call that bad. Metaphor
time: I feel that a "me" identity can be likened to little rests
on the various rocks along the ever-flowing river of Truth .
Instead of judging myself for taking those rests, I am going to
set my intention to simply perceive and ovserve what is,
especially if that is another form of a "me" identity by which I
am being temporary deluded. Thank you for reminding me to stay
in learning mode.
Much love flowing (eh, love is just another word for truth I
guess),
CA
#Post#: 22169--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 26, 2016, 11:39 pm
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Thanks for that. Your little rocks in the river are called
''Selfing''. You create a you.
Just keep up with what you are doing. Nothing wrong with a
selfing break from time to time.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 22205--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: CollapseAll
Date: June 27, 2016, 3:56 pm
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So I caught myself selfing yet again today! I was able to see it
pretty rapidly and respond with gratitude. I didn't have to
"fake" the gratitude, it was just there. A potentially heated
discussion with another "individual" brought awareness to my
lingering attachment to an experienced-based belief "I" held
and have really clung to for many years. I observed the strength
in this other individual's attachment to his position and
realized I had no match for his ego! I politely thanked him for
sharing his thoughts and wow, maya just responds with gratitude
because he said "you are welcome!" When the ego wins (or think
it wins) it is strengthened. I now see I am becoming more
inclined to see through ego and just let it be. Thanks for
listening and being a T/R mirror. I am still pretty confused
about all these potential conscious entities about me, but ok
with the confusion.
Love ya,
CA
#Post#: 22214--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 28, 2016, 1:10 am
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Confusion always precedes learning and growth...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 22308--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: CollapseAll
Date: July 1, 2016, 12:11 am
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Really, I can't really discover a true answer and maybe because
words and my logic regarding others existing is still
conditioned as mind-based. I contemplated that the whole of
infinite could split into finite temporary experiences for pure
enjoyment. And then some finite-bits get in on the game and boy
it makes it quite a ride for the experiences of all the finite
bits, which in turn enhances the pleasurable experience of
Infinity. But hmmm... I just personified infinity?! That seems
like holding onto personhood but just in a colossal sense. But
maybe my illusionary concept of "self" came from a bigger
Anti-Self I am part of and a "self" is the finite version I see
through.
In your books you report the need to know, or ask questions
falls away as one reaches "done." I can speculate a million
scenarios but does knowing really matter? Eventually "I" will
give up the question and just follow whatever floats me further.
Because basically all I get to do is speculate whys and how's. I
can only know I Am.
Do you have zero attachments in T/R but still many
likes/preferences?
Thx potential sojourner,
CA
#Post#: 22309--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: July 1, 2016, 12:57 am
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The risk of me sharing my experiences is that a student attempts
to find or replicate them. Not the best way to go. Your
experiences are your experiences. Find out for yourself.
Maybe I will feel more generous tomorrow and share, who knows?
But remember, this is all about you until it isn't.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 22413--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: CollapseAll
Date: July 4, 2016, 7:03 am
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Jed,
Thanks for that. I guess the question arises from my current
experience because I feel like my attachments to experiences,
people, thoughts, etc; are fading if not in some cases gone.
However one of my initial fears at the start of this journey was
becoming a non-emotional recluse who abandon her family to live
in the mountains. Now it doesn't sound so bad, haha, but
probably not a preference. My immediate family are all but
oblivious to the changes in me and/or seem to enjoy the me I am.
This is as good as any place to take this journey.
When an experience comes and goes, and I see that whatever I am
stays unchanged, I sense the Truth. I am focusing on that
presence not because it is some blissful place to be, but it
feels like home. There are probably still 100 times a day I
take a 'selfing' adventure but I am more aware when I do it, and
I will admit sometimes I will pretend to be more of a self
(opinionated) if the social situation calls for it. The
pretending helps at this point because when I share too much of
my true nonchalance 'people' or their 'egos' get riled up,
trying to convince me otherwise and I find myself prone to
defensiveness. I don't prefer that experience, so I just pretend
to care at times when I really don't. One thing I have noticed
is that most people are obsessed with their opinions. People
might go to work and have careers but it's often a facade to
just make up opinions and reinforce them. I am finding that I do
sure enjoy being alone more than ever. I am currently writing a
sci-fi novel. I find it's a lovely outlet to use my mind
creatively without making up stories about this life.
Your books probably gave me the most I need. I think I can
answer most of my own questions, just wanted a place to process
at times if that's ok. Thanks again!
Moving further,
CA
#Post#: 22414--------------------------------------------------
Re: what now?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: July 4, 2016, 7:11 am
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Dear CA:
Write here anytime you feel like it.
Love ya, Jed
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