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#Post#: 5398--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 28, 2014, 10:47 am
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Speaking of bitter people. I've noticed a lot of negativity
lately. I stay pretty grounded, so I see it when it comes up and
I know it will pass.
On one hand I know I can't control it, but it does scare me
sometimes. It makes me wonder if there's some deeper issue I
need to look at or if it's just stuff that needs to be seen as
it comes up. I'm afraid that I won't be able to enjoy life if it
continues indefinitely.
Inquiring into the "me" has become more difficult because I see
everything that arises as just thoughts. Who I thought I was is
no longer seen as something fixed or solid. I don't have the
slightest clue on fixing something that doesn't exist.
#Post#: 5408--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 28, 2014, 2:08 pm
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Dear Ivory:
What is arising in you is exactly what I would expect at this
time. I understand exactly what you are saying (well, I'm pretty
darn sure).
It's an excellent indication that you are doing it all
perfectly. Stick with it and be gentle.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 5419--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 28, 2014, 3:17 pm
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--- Quote from: Jed McKenna link ---
> (well, I'm pretty darn sure).
--- End Quote ---
This indicates that you do know what I'm talking about. I'm not
sure of anything anymore either.
I have a few more questions mulling around, so I'll post those
when I get to them.
Anyways, this last exchange was helpful. Thanks.
#Post#: 5421--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 28, 2014, 3:24 pm
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;)
#Post#: 5432--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 28, 2014, 5:13 pm
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I spent more time today than usual writing checking to see
what's going on with my ex. She just seems so damned perfect.
And I can't even begin to compare myself to her. If I were to
see her, and be totally honest with her that's what I would tell
her. "You are so perfect, and I am nothing compared to you." I
would probably start crying then. I wouldn't want her to see me
like this. I feel like a piece of s***.
I don't know how anyone could meet her and not fall in love with
her.
~~
Okay, I just needed to shed a tear. I hope I don't have to keep
going through this. Do I have to keep digging into this? When
does it end?
~~
Damn dude, this is not for the feint of heart.
#Post#: 5433--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 28, 2014, 5:15 pm
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I feel softer now.
My dad is in here somewhere too. For some reason I keep pushing
him away. I don't want him getting close to me.
#Post#: 5439--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 28, 2014, 10:51 pm
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I wonder if I should see if I can love the people who show up in
my writing every morning. Or remove the block that prevents love
from manifesting. I figure that if I can love others, then the
mind is free and clear. I can think of a few people right now
who I don't care for too much.
#Post#: 5444--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 29, 2014, 12:27 am
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Dear Ivory:
It's all you so you already love it. Just some junk in the way.
There are techniques for removing that junk and dealing with it.
The ex thing is a biggie and I understand.
What is reality? It's over, correct? What are you getting out of
hanging on?
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 5450--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 29, 2014, 1:36 am
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Okay, I'm at a point where I just don't know anything at all. If
you tell me to drop something, I will. If you tell me to do
something, I will.
Just don't let me run astray, because we both know that I will.
I have no idea what I'm doing now.
So, should I not look at people and see if I can love them? I
dunno.
Back to your question.
"What is reality? It's over, correct? What are you getting out
of hanging on?"
I think the real problem here was believing the thought, "no."
It may go a little deeper. I don't know if there can be freedom
if there's a "me" in here.
All ideas, preferences, hopes, opinions have to go. But I don't
think that will be very hard at this point. I find myself happy
doing anything or nothing. I don't think it makes a difference
anymore.
#Post#: 5453--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: November 29, 2014, 1:46 am
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I don't think I answered your question.
I remember someone saying to me when I first started this
journey, "You have to be willing to give yourself up."
I don't know if that willingness is there, but I do think I'm
close.
I don't want to suffer anymore.
But I have to admit, I'm a little scared.
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