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#Post#: 1529--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: September 21, 2014, 12:33 pm
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Ok, well, things are clearer today. Yesterday I was wallowing in
a bit of confusion. It's simple. Be with whatever is arising
without getting lost in content.
Remembrance can be tricky if I entertain thought. But if I stay
rooted in the body I tend lose interest in the content of mind.
I don't think I actually have a question for you.
If I do, I'll be back.
#Post#: 1531--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 21, 2014, 12:46 pm
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No problem. Thanks for recognizing the importance of a simple
direct question. I'll be here for you.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2233--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: October 4, 2014, 5:34 pm
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Well, I lied. None of this is easy. This is confusing. What I
feel is fear. I get attached to everything. Then I fear loss
because everything is always changing. There are so many
thoughts, "do this" or "do that" or "this will make me happy". I
watch it objectively, but the thoughts persist. This has been
going on since April of last year, about a year and a half.
I remember in the second book Julie asked, "Were you this
totally torn between fear and mania at every moment?"
That is my experience. Today I thought, "Go for a hike, play
guitar, watch a movie, cook food, study for work, see the world,
travel, have more experiences, maybe go get laid." I just laid
down to relax and noticed the heart was beating fast. Fear. I
don't know what it is, it's visceral. No storyline attached.
I want to feel grounded, rooted, like I have some kind of life
context. But all I have are these manic thoughts and a deep
sense of vulnerability and insecurity. I think I know what she
was going through. She said, "There is no terra firma, there is
only incognita."
What the hell is going on? I feel like a crazy person.
EDIT: What just came to mind was, "What happens if I just do
nothing?" I don't like that question. Maybe if desires weren't
arising, I would be content, wouldn't fear loss, and I wouldn't
care what happened.
#Post#: 3378--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: October 26, 2014, 3:53 pm
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I have been feeling incredibly lonely. Like, so lonely to the
point of freaking out and having panic attacks.
It's been really hard to make new friends in my new city. This
has been very challenging. I feel like I would be able to relax
more if I had a companion. I feel very scattered.
#Post#: 3390--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: October 26, 2014, 10:14 pm
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Today has been a trip. I just can't tell anything apart anymore.
I don't know what I like, I don't know what I don't like, and my
identity is changing all the time!
It's like I'm a new person every day. Sometimes every hour.
This has been so damned confusing.
I have no idea who I am anymore. I mean, I know none of this
stuff is me, I just wish it was more freaking stable or
consistent.
Is this normal?
#Post#: 3394--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 26, 2014, 10:48 pm
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Dear Ivory:
Thank for your lucid sharing. When you look back on DNOTS, how
real l does it seem in the past? Please re-read that one.
Where is it, the memory that is. Literally where is it located?
Also, please see my latest rant and give it a try.
Thanks in advance,
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. You where expecting more........ ???
#Post#: 3397--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: October 26, 2014, 11:04 pm
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Looking back on DNOTS, it seems pretty darn real, but a thing of
the past. I remember it very vividly. I suspect you just want me
to see that stuff just passes.
Where is the memory? I'll check it out.
I replied to both rants earlier. I enjoyed them. I think I'll be
able to go deeper when I'm not so emotional. I'm a wreck today.
#Post#: 3501--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: October 28, 2014, 1:28 am
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--- Quote from: Jed McKenna link ---
> P.S. You where expecting more........ ???
>
--- End Quote ---
From you, or from life?
#Post#: 3532--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: guest98
Date: October 28, 2014, 10:20 am
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Jed, I have a question.
Is there a reason one would follow the breath, vs. noting
sights, sensation, and sound?
Do one or the other, or incorporate both?
This has been tripping me up for a while.
#Post#: 3589--------------------------------------------------
Re: meaningless
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 29, 2014, 12:08 am
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I suggest doing both very intently. Alternate with perhaps just
5 minutes of one and then the other.
Report on my desk in the a.m.
Love ya, Jed
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