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#Post#: 3887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: November 1, 2014, 8:52 am
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By saying "Dont F with me Jed" what I meant was, "Don't F with
me know1" as the ashram has gotten comfortable, so have I. I
started here with the urgency of a burning building, finding
others in similar shape lead me to say "hey, the coffee room
isn't on fire yet, lets grab a cup while this burns". So why am
I here?
I've worked very hard to move through gut wrenching H/C to a
better but still gut wrenching dual H/A to a now fairly posh non
dual H/A. Many would be stoked to be here, it is enjoyable AND I
can see that I'm not clear, I'm just blind to exactly why I'm
not clear. I KNOW you're clear, it shows up in every position
you take, I knew you were the Jed of the books immediately upon
arrival, I could taste it, that's where I'm headed, I don't care
the cost, show me which window to jump from is what I meant by
"Dont F with me Jed"
I'm asking you to get deadly serious, help me "see" my blinders
so I can rip these sumbiches off. I know you can see what I'm
not, point away. You are here to facilitate my growth (death)
that's my hallucination, whatever comes from you I will use to
move, even if it's being kicked out of the ashram.
#Post#: 3891--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: November 1, 2014, 9:30 am
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Your OUT of the forum, but just for one week, cause I kinda like
ya.
I am serious, I want you contemplate the 'you' in all this,
because there is still a ton of it.
One week, off you go, see you in seven days. This is not a
holiday, YOU WORK!
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. Not joking.
#Post#: 3892--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: November 1, 2014, 9:31 am
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Got it. Adios...
#Post#: 4283--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: November 8, 2014, 4:42 pm
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Consider each of these dates a post, I’m too lazy to post them
separately.
11/1/14
Right after you kicked me off the forum last saturday and I made
my last post of “adios” and shut it down I sat there for a
moment and then laughed, being kicked from the ashram was
instantly freeing and I had no real desire to jump back in, I
was freed from the thought “what does Jed think of ME” albeit
not by my choice. I was also a bit lost since much of my thought
and consequently action since joining the forum revolved around
what was happening there. not only me but with others, I was
like a smoker who’d quit but found himself constantly reaching
for his/her pack of smokes only to realize they weren’t there.
while confusing at first this became again a sort of liberty, I
now had to be with myself instead of reaching "out”.
11/2/14
Today I recognized that I am always on stage, no, like, really,
I was in a band everyone was coming to see, literally, You can
buy my cd on iTunes, lead singer and guitar player. As a kid I
saw Rush, Aerosmith, and the greats at the "Enormodome" and 4
years later my band was headlining on that same stage in front
of 15,000 people, that was my hobby.
At my “day job” I’m a famous artist, my work and story have been
featured in multiple medias (TV 2 weeks ago) the cover of and
stories in many magazines, there’s a constant buzz around “me”
it can be intense, phone calls, offers, galleries, auctions,
exhibitions museums…It’s all about “Me". My name is no longer a
couple words people use to get my attention or money, it’s
“third personed”, others use it to get attention and money, its
a sticky web to extricate oneself from.
You said "there's still a lot of “you” showing up", No shit
sherlock! "Why do I think I’m here?” A slip of the scalpel
removing the massive tumor labeled "me" could give nurse Ratchet
an orgasm. No, I’m not a George Clooney or Taylor Swift (Thank
the Gods!!!) I’m more like a Jed Mckenna, which is bad enough,
not a Chopra, Tolle or Dyer but the next rung down, And what's
my career goal been? The next fucking rung!!! The one step that
will make it even harder to extricate “me” from I am. Fu ck me
running.
11/3/14
I don’t date much, maybe 4 times a year but I had a date
yestereve, attractive gal and this was our first time going out.
During the day I had the distinct impression my date was going
to be a no show. I have never been stood up so I dismissed this
as nonsense, especially since we’d texted earlier to confirm it.
On my way there I literally “knew" she wasn’t going to show, I
thought, "Stop it, you're creating this feeling out of anxiety”
except I wasn’t feeling anxious, just a clear signal that I was
doing this alone. It was an hour drive so I called a friend
who’s place was close by and told him I thought I might be
available for a “good beer”.
Bingo, no show, I knew exactly what was happening before it
happened. While waiting 20 minutes I watched a guy in his 60’s,
alone at the bar, pump his legs like a drummer in a speed metal
band while he ate, I remember that feeling.
I felt great, like a lake of glassy water. I had texted when I
arrived and then texted when I was leaving saying “no hard
feelings, have a great evening". Nothing... no, not her reply,
which was also nonexistent, no me, I felt so... nothing, no
embarrassment as I waved goodbye to the hostess, no
disappointment, no betrayal, nothing. It was... what? Elegant? I
guess that word works, if you don’t like it pick another,
doesn't really matter.
11/3/14
I was listening to a George Carlin bit on how he hates
euphemism’s, you know, the one where “Shell Shock” turned into
“Battle fatigue” then “Operational Exhaustion” and finally “Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder”, (there’s your cue Jed) he’s going on
about how stupid this all is and how the truth get’s continually
squashed out of existence by the effort to "soften the blow", at
least that’s what I hallucinated while listening. Anyway, during
this I realized…
Everyone is ALWAYS speaking in Euphemisms.
euphemism: a mild or indirect word or expression substituted
for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to
something unpleasant or embarrassing: “downsizing” as a
euphemism for cuts.
What’s more unpleasant than "I’m a lie?” Every sentence ever
uttered is a euphemism to hide this fact, to soften the blow.
That’s why it’s shocking when a McKenna or an Emerson show up, a
Whitman or BK, those not afraid to call a spade a spade.
Every fu cking sentence that enters or has ever entered my
awareness is a lie, even yours Jed, as much as I love the one's
I think I love, they still aren't “It", some point to “It", but
they aren't “It”, therefore, a lie. All sentences do and have
ever done is block me from Unity, Oneness, they are the threads
with which Maya weaves her Web of Separation. I was Unity until
I understood words. Language fractured my Oneness as a baby into
Separation ad infinitum. Hmmm... Silence.
11/3/14
“Silence is golden” this proverb seems right on track, meditate
in silence, nature's silent, silence is a key, wouldn't you
agree? Wrong. "Silence is golden" is nothing but a misdirection,
la la land, adios dumbasses, silence leads nowhere. Meditate in
silence all you want, opium is a much quicker way to get your
“fix".
"Speech is silver, silence is golden” the full proverb (who
knew?) has a bit of juice, but still misses the mark by, oh say,
179 degrees. I’m seeing this clearer Jed, it’s never whats
“there” it’s always whats “not” there. Speech is not silver,
speech is Maya, the threads of Maya's web of separation, speech
isn't silver, it's strychnine, separation from One.
Silence is not golden, you said it a million times in the
trilogy Jed, It's what's NOT "there", focusing on Silence is the
mistake, it's the step away from unity because if there isn’t
silence you’re left desiring it. I could be in Times Square on
Black Friday and be unified as easily as in the silence of outer
space, it's not silence that's golden, it's "freedom from words"
that is golden, my own first, others next. In it's truncated
version the 1% of truth in the idea "speech is second to
silence" is completely lost and Silence becomes the fantasy, the
gold ring, a drug that stops the madness momentarily but is not
a key. it’s a dead end. Who needs the drug of Silence to feel
connected? Only addicts.
11/3/14
I know why you talk out of both sides of your mouth Jed: "You
are not to write anything that will help others in the ashram"
and "I will leave your thread up as it may help others in the
ashram”.
You know writing with the idea of helping others in mind shifts
the focus from inward to “outward” but writing for S/A, digging
inward, the truth of that search may speak to another or provide
a key. The difference is intent. Thats why the search for
enlightenment set forth by ego is always a failure, a sham.
Inward versus outward, in = Unity, out = Separateness, the
simplest litmus test there is.
11/4/14
There is a scientist who developed a small receptor that when
put on the tongue of a blind person it sends vibration signals
as to where things are in space around that person, the blind
person said that initially it just felt like Coca Cola fizzing
on her tongue, no perception, but that after wearing it for
awhile her brain began to interpret the signals and she started
to “see” shapes and shadows in her minds eye when people around
her moved.
For example she was walking down the sidewalk in New York and
she could “see” people, shapes of moving objects going past her,
it was a revelation because she had assumed she was alone on the
sidewalk but there were always hundreds of people moving around
and out of her way because of her white cane.
The sighted are just as blind. I think people can’t see my white
cane, my ego, when really thats all they see, something to
avoid, to step out of the way and steer clear of, all the while
I glide blissfully along, totally unaware, smacking my cane into
anything that gets in my way …Blinder than any bat could ever
be.
Reality is a dream, buzzing away on a blind woman’s tongue.
11/5/14
I really care.
I care about you and me, I care about my family and friends, I
care about global warming and recycling, I care about politics
and sports, I care about how people feel and most importantly,
how they feel about me. I’m a Care Bear. <shudder> Human
Children, caring themselves into their own personal Hell. The
world is your oyster, it's in your hand and you keep hitting
yourself in the head with it trying to break it open.
I don’t care.
My parents don’t like my choices. I don’t care. My partner(s)
rage(s) like Germany, Russia and Britain in WWII, I’m
Switzerland, I don’t care. My alma mater is on the verge of a
National Championship, in what? Chess or football? I don’t care.
The Republicrats are losing The House, I don’t care. My child’s
new baby has Down Syndrome. I don’t care? Correct, I don’t
care, I can be there in support of, if I choose, I don’t need to
“care” to do that. Human Adults, the world is your oyster and
you now have the sword with which to pry it open, enjoy.
I’m not here.
There is no oyster... and it's delicious. Welcome home.
11/5/14
Jed, question, H/A felt like finding the eye of the hurricane,
existence was finally calm and "I" could make forays into the
windy parts to engage in the world and create what I wanted,
always aware of my new "home" in the calm, eye of the storm.
Enter a sense of awareness of the dual, initially I felt like a
kite, a bit fragile, lifting above the eye of the storm and
seeing clearly the expansive turmoil of the entire hurricane for
the first time, no longer “in it”, now residing at a slightly
higher vantage point. No longer living in the hurricane (eye OR
storm) and watching somewhat amusedly those (all) that do.
After a time, about a year, I’ve finally given up trying to
pluck people from the storm or explain where I am, it took
awhile but I’m not stupid, just ignorant, I didn’t understand
the futility until now. Still getting the hang, "caught off
guard” and “blown around” in moments, by a wayward gust of wind,
quickly recognizing Maya’s hand in it and deftly finding the
place where water levels.
What is this place? I reside in constant vigilance, monitoring
myself like a reverse Big Brother lest I slip into doublespeak
and fall back into even the eye of the storm, but a vigilance
that doesn’t feel like work, just that it’s all there is. The
vigilance is everything. I feel a little crazy but I know I’m
not.
Where is this? Does it matter?
11/6/14
Ive felt a weird ego backlash building, I am still selling my
crap on ebay, I have a goal to put one thing on every day, the
reality is I’ve been kind of a hoarder (not the tv version) my
whole life, it’s been a way of defining myself, having cool
“stuff”, ego loves it, as I am slowly getting rid of this stuff
I’ve felt an amazing pull to buy more, it’s bizarre, my mind is
frantically searching for shit to buy, for the most part I’ve
been just watching it but it’s been getting stronger and the
strength of the impulse is getting more difficult to laugh off,
so now I’m two days behind on my goal, if I won’t let my mind
buy shit it’s going to stop me from getting rid of it I guess,
this is a stripped down version, its much trickier than I’ve
explained but it feels good to get this bastar d on paper and
out of my head, shine a light, on paper, the ridiculousness of
ego/mind will wince and run to the shadows, go hide you little
fu cker, I’m ready for you, you whiny sniveling piece of sh it,
f u c k you.
11/7/14
I did a little audiomancy yesterday after writing, scrolled
through my Jed stuff and decided on Birds Nest, I didn’t recall
that chapter from my first, however many readings of the book,
strange isn’t it? How stuff just rolls on past unless you’re in
it? That chapter stunned me, not because it was exactly what I
could use yesterday but because I didn’t remember most of it
from other readings, how much stuff am I oblivious to?
The little bit of time I’ve spent in the flow, one 50th of my
dream time here feels like the only time I’ve spent here, the
other 98% was just a movie of a guy drowning in a sea of filth
and stupidity, casting a glance at a distant shore occasionally
only to go back under and start gagging again, it’s like being
water boarded and as soon as it’s over saying “please sir, may I
have another?” I thank "I am" for this vigilance, it keeps me
from being drug behind the boat facedown, skis on top holding me
under. Thats not a bad metaphor, skis being my mind, I can use
the mind to plane above or let it use me and push me under, my
choice. I can use the mind to unhinge, un-track the mind OR
associate self with mind and let it rule.
Picking apart this nest, one twig at a time and tossing that s h
i t in the fire.
11/7/14
Right after I finished the trilogy for the first time I went
online looking for anything about Jed and the books, I stumbled
upon some guy who was reviewing them, he liked the books but
thought the second book SIE was by far the weakest of the three.
At the time, about 6 months ago, I thought "wait a minute, that
was pretty powerful to me" but then automatically deferred to
this, obviously smarter (he’s writing critiques right?) person
than I and moved on appropriating his assumption.
Idiot.
SIE IS it, it brings the abyss right to your nose, if you can’t
see whats there it’s because you don’t have the stomach for it.
Damnedest is a revelation to children, it’s an affirmation to
adults and a primer for SIE. Warfare is an epilogue, or a
further conversation on Damndest but the blackness, the horror,
the horror, is in the second book.
11/8/14
I’m learning to navigate this. I had an art show opening last
night, I did it as a favor to several friends who opened a
gallery 1 1/2 hours away. There were many artists there and I
was the "big fish in a small pond" which was made quite evident
when one of the owners announced my arrival to a packed house.
Negotiating standard guests or clients is simple, they are
usually straight forward and easy to talk with, dealing with
star struck artists, hungry to claw their way to where they
perceive I am is another and this group show was packed with
them.
Theres the awkward introductions and the strange propensity they
have to edge close, possibly to hear what I am saying or maybe
to just touch my hem. I do remember the feeling of being star
struck in the presence of artist heroes so it’s kinda cute… up
to a point. Normally I feel pressure to accommodate these
people, to allay their fears or soften the awkwardness, last
night I did none of that. At dinner afterwards, peppered by the
hungriest of them, in the past would have been “my” problem and
probably ruined my night. Quite the opposite tho, I engaged when
engaged, if a question warranted an answer it got one if it
didn’t it didn’t, there was no "feeling compelled" to any of it
which was a hallmark of these situations, It was so easy, so
fluid, and the sushi was delicious.
11/8/14
I see now Jed, after one week of hoofing it myself again that
my asking you if I could use you as a guru was just my ego
wanting to avoid the inevitable, I needed a guru to point out
the enemy, to help me devise a plan to assassinate the enemy,
thats it. The Generals don’t go into the field.
I see that those who learn to think need no teachers, it’s
obvious I have the capacity to do this on my own, I've been
doing it for 23 years (without a plan it's a little haphazard) I
just did it for a week, making every insight from my own sense
of urgency, I’m not interested in making this better, it’s great
now and I f u c k i n g hate it, that hate drives the
inspection of every thought which provides fodder for the
writing, the writing ferrets out the mole, the f u c k i n g
mole is me. I only needed the hate and a system, everything else
takes care of itself. no guru needed.
#Post#: 4296--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: November 9, 2014, 2:39 am
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Write away, hate is a great motivator, but what , Mr. Cool, do
you want from me?
However, more that 250 words here and I won't read it. I have
other obligations.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4317--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: November 9, 2014, 9:04 am
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Ok Jed, lets start small,
Your disdain of golf and affirmation of mountain biking seems to
create a lack of equanimity in my mind, currently I affirm golf
and disdain mountain biking. What is the difference?
Both are mundane activities, both mean nothing and yet require a
certain amount of skill and fortitude and consequently one
experiences moments of enjoyment during the challenge of both.
You seem quite level except when it comes to golf, do you suck
at it? Isn’t it just personal preference? I like broccoli and
dislike peas, you the opposite? I Don’t like mountain biking but
I have no need to rail against it, why do you rail against golf?
Was Daddy missing at home on Sundays? What gives?
Please explain your lack of equanimity where golf is concerned.
#Post#: 4326--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: November 9, 2014, 7:23 pm
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Jed,
the stupidity of my question tells me I’m done here, done
deferring, done manufacturing insipid questions just to be here.
Time to move on. I know what I need to know, I don’t need to be
riddled out of any slumber, You asked me why I’m here, the
answer was staring me in the face, I have no reason to be here,
my ego likes it here but I don't. Now it begins, no more
training wheels, no hand holding, no witnesses, no crowds, just
me.
Thanks,
k1
#Post#: 4330--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: November 9, 2014, 9:09 pm
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Chill bro. I know you know.
I've said many, many times that it's all entertainment. I have
also said a number of times and a number of ways, 'Don't believe
me'.
Put the two together and what do you have, hmm.... sounds like
entertaining b.s. AND, it all is... UP UNTIL THE POINT... that
you actually do some of the things suggested and acquire some
experiences/realizations, etc. At that point you own something
that might be more than entertaining b.s. I know you've done a
great deal and this really about our 'you know what' deal.
The 'Enlightenment through Golf' line of T-shirt line sounds
like it requires a trip back to the drawing board. Definitely
not a hole in one. However, I do like the '**** 4 Golf' line of
supplements. (that starts with an 'h' not an 'f') It just feels
right to me. I'll send you my address for the samples. Remember,
it's all got to be very tasteful.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4343--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: November 9, 2014, 11:02 pm
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Ha!, it’s that one step isn’t it!? It’s where Emerson and
Thoreau went, where Whitman and Melville went, where Byron Katie
and Jed McKenna went, When you stop reading others books, stop
searching outward and start writing your own, from within. son
of a bitch. So simple I almost missed it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am filled with Gratitude,
thank you.
Love,
k1
#Post#: 4344--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: November 9, 2014, 11:06 pm
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Yes, yes, yes, now off with you....
Love ya, Jed.
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