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#Post#: 3156--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 22, 2014, 9:42 am
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Fixed the shotgun yesterday Jed, it's had a broken stock since I
quit shooting birds in 2001, right after 9/11. I quit killing as
a response to that event but I had always felt some guilt, to
assuage that I would paint the birds (giving them new life on
canvas) and then make a fancy meal with them.
Make a life take a life, whats the difference? None. Free to do
whatever I feel, so strange to recognize the duality and the
binding it causes and to watch it all fall away like a heavy fog
that burns off with the rising sun. If all you've known is fog,
how will you react to this? Probably like many who are posting
on this forum, lost in fear, it's a good sign, embrace it.
Gorgeous sitting and watching the patches of fog disappear,
seeing clearly the binding cords of duality and once seen by the
sun, by me, poof, away they go, ghosts with know1 to haunt.
know1
#Post#: 3267--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 24, 2014, 2:56 pm
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I love days when the muse arrives...
I used to have anxiety during creative gestation because all
that ever looked like was laziness, to others and consequently
myself. "Hell is other people" says John Paul Sartre', Christ,
did he have that totally f*****g wrong, "Hell is the Self" says
know1, kill the dreaded Self and Sartre's Other People don't
even exist, perfection. Cut the Hydra's heart out and all the
heads disappear. Gestation is now beautiful, just as enjoyable
as when the muse arrives, anticipation of the muse is elegant
when knowing the future known is unknowable, it all works so
automatically when I'm not here mucking it up for...who? know1,
thats who. Currently making love with the muse (sorry, no
graphic details) ;)...
k1
#Post#: 3451--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 27, 2014, 1:24 pm
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"It's a little like this. You are in waters that have been
traveled but aren't subject to chartering, hence you are on your
own. Of course, you always were, but now it really sinks in.
It's ALL you, not just this or that, ALL. Trust and allow."
Love ya, Jed.
Jed, dispassionate urgency, I'm only here for the T/R.
"Guru" seems an affectation to a westerner, unless you’re going
out with Zen’s pretty cousin, then you’ll appropriate whatever
to keep that afloat. I’ve rented a Summer cabin in Idaho for the
next 6 months of Winter, I’ll be mostly snowed in, alone, sans
wifi, cutting this down to the bone. I get that I’m alone.
My question to you is this: Could/should I use you as a teacher?
Your vantage point is, well, advanced, I’m sure you have a clear
enough picture of where I am now to advise, whatever it is. I
still use the trilogy daily, the audio books are like a
jackhammer, constantly pulverizing whatever the ego and Maya try
to rebuild.
I’ve had everything Maya offers, the pain of being the
adult/child, shame, betrayal, insignificance and lost loved
ones. The happiness of getting the dream career, the beautiful
adoring spouse, fabulous sex life and the excess that comes with
success…. H/A is great, bottom line, not interested.
I’m not like most people with "ties that bind” I’ve blown all
that up. You've hesitated pointing with me, it's time.
#Post#: 3491--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: October 28, 2014, 12:07 am
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Dear D:
Have you done my recent two part rant. I mean really done it?
Let me know.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. what is the common element in all of your recent
experiences?
#Post#: 3494--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 28, 2014, 1:12 am
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After an initial "WTF? didn't you read my response?" I went back
and re-read the two part rant section and now realize that in my
excitement to relate my experience of doing #1 I completely
missed doing #2, I must have skimmed it a little too quickly :-[
I will tackle the second part and report tomorrow.
The common element in my recent experiences... Would be that
there's an "I" experiencing them, other than that I'm not sure.
#Post#: 3714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 30, 2014, 9:39 am
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Jed,
So in doing number 2 (Ha, perfect) I experienced the opposite of
shrinking, when I started to dissociate from my body, there was
a brief moment of fear which I quickly dropped, "that was
simple" entered my mind and I began associating again, after a
bit i retuned to dissociation and then realized I had to take a
p**s.
This thought that arose "I have to take a p**s" felt like an
intruder, a separate foreign entity in the perceiving state I
was now in, eye focused on it like the Eye of Sauron for that's
how I began to feel, disembodied but perceiving (The metaphor
came during writing). So, eye locked on this statement and found
a massive lie, there was no "I", there was no "need" there was
no"taking", it was "not" p i s s,. When eye discovered this, the
lie disappeared, things expanded, the water/fluid moving through
this form was an ecosystem where water runs downhill collects to
rivers and fills a lake that occasionally pours over it's damn.
As eye was perceiving all this, the expansion continued, it
became aware of great winds blowing down and up canyons
surrounding the expanse, it let this whole experience wash over
it. All of the sudden mind realized that the winds were "my"
breathing and almost immediately eye was sucked back into "I". I
tried to start again but it was like my mind locked up and was
not interested in letting go again. 8)
#Post#: 3761--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: October 30, 2014, 9:23 pm
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Mind grind eh??? :D
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 3764--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 30, 2014, 9:47 pm
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Yep, I figure if the Eye of Sauron is showing up in your
"contemplation" (was that the term you prefered to meditation?)
You're basically fu****. So I've never been a meditation guy,
obviously this is a weak point, baby steps?? :'(
I just read your advice to Misha, duh, I climbed the ladder in
my career doing that, chipping at a boulder and my mind was like
"Lets go cowboy!" My mind isn't so keen on being left at home
while the I Am goes-a-astralplaning... Further...
#Post#: 3835--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: October 31, 2014, 9:56 pm
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It Begins.
in my second post I mentioned that I was tearing this down,
people would not understand, kids would not understand. I talked
to my daughter awhile back, I tried to explain what was
happening, funny, in trying to lesson the damage I moved it
along at a faster clip, she related her fear of what I had told
her (fear? really? WTF I was trying to prepare her, soften
it...) Which she passed on in god knows what fashion to her
sister and it seems to have run through the whole tribe...
Normally I'd have been oohing and ahhing over some grandchildren
and their getups tonight, It's a damn good thing I know what the
f*** is up or I'd be in some serious s h i t right now. So,
Cortez burned his ships, I just burned mine, don't F u c k with
me Jed, lets do this.
#Post#: 3860--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: November 1, 2014, 2:29 am
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Don't f with you???
That's all any good guru is ever doing. They F with you until
you realize it's not them f ing with you at all. It's always
been you f ing with your 'self'.
You created me in order to screw you into sanity.
Now, what you going to have me do next Grasshopper.
Love ya, Jed.
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