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#Post#: 1362--------------------------------------------------
Done
By: know1 Date: September 18, 2014, 12:49 pm
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I'm done.
Then why am I on this forum? My doneness is very young, since
May '13. I awakened Nov. '90 but without a guide I spent several
decades melting it down and then trying to rebuild it in a more
pleasing form (ego). I am now relinquishing the exterior, all
the "stuff" that has defined "me" for 23 years. Today I am
supposed to be on the road to a big auction where my work will
be lauded, applauded and auctioned off. A very "prestigious"
show where big egos from big money slather other big egos with
praise and cash. Just the situation my prior "self" relished.
This is the world I created after I woke up, my unsatisfied
little ego was presented with the tools and understanding to
build the life of my dreams and I built it. My little ego got
bigger and for a time relished the attention and praise, being
the "nice" guy in my career just stroked it even more.
The "nice guy" ain't gonna show up.
I started feeling sick 2 days ago, I emailed them this morning
and told them I'm not coming. I now feel fantastic. I like what
I do, I'm just done with it not being totally on my terms.
According to Jed and the Zen crowd, I'm looking at 8 1/2 more
years to get acclimated to this state of being, my question then
is this: Was getting sick the universe's way of letting me know
it was "indicated" that I not go? Or did my body know that I
would have gone (against my desires) out of commitment and so
stepped in to help? My overall sense is that being in alignment
with "life" over the last year and a half, not judging and just
responding to what arises, has been nothing short of stunning
and the "how" doesn't matter but I am curious about the body's
part in this interplay as today's type of events are new to me.
Thanks in advance (nice guy)
know1
#Post#: 1365--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 18, 2014, 1:02 pm
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Stop looking backwards. It's unimportant. What's happening now,
this very moment.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1367--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: September 18, 2014, 1:12 pm
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Got it.
Thanks again.
#Post#: 1390--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: September 18, 2014, 11:52 pm
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Jed,
I'm here because I no longer connect with people, they seem
ridiculous to me, my closest friends whom I've known all my life
seem like a joke, people I've loved and cared about aren't
registering anymore. I'm the only cogent voice amongst partners
who bicker like children. i've hired a personal assistant to
buffer my exposure to the outside world, I currently find it
extremely distasteful, actually painful when the phone rings or
theres a knock at the door, this actually extends to my adult
children as well which, while I see I'm typing these words I
have trouble comprehending their import.
I'm breaking it all down, it's been happening for some time, I
know where this is headed, I'm here because I'm untethering and
I know no one in my personal life nor business world will
understand. I'm looking for some flotsam to cling to while this
burns. I haven't worked for 3 years now, actually thats not true
at all, I've worked my *ss off devouring every source I could
find on the subject of truth and enlightenment, all day and all
night, go to bed listening to BK's A Thousand Names for Joy and
wake up reading Kornfield, Tolle or some other bliss peddler. I
even taped Oprah's Super Soul Sunday for Christ sakes,
regularly, looking, looking, looking, which is actually where I
found Adya, and then someone in his audience mentioned... You.
3 years ago I had an ego melt down which precipitated a
universal mind/god consciousness, mystic union thingy and I've
been chasing it ever since, until I found Damnedest that is.
Like a hot poker the truth of what that event was and more
importantly what it wasn't, seared into my consciousness. The
guidance in the trilogy et al. gave me a blueprint to organize
all the pieces I'd been gathering over 20 plus years into the
big picture. I did the swan dive, Death is my pal, and yet here
I am looking for a bit of wreckage to hang onto. I'm guessing
you're going to say "fully embrace the ocean you're treading
water in... alone, sans flotsam". I give a little history so you
have a flare Jed, not because I am tied to any of it. I know I
have what I need, I feel the fool for being here and yet here I
am. Have you a finger handy to point at some glowing round
object?
#Post#: 1393--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 19, 2014, 1:00 am
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Hi Done:
Thank you for your little expose'. I understand very clearly
about losing interest in what were previously classified as
'loved ones'. They won't understand but it's not your problem,
it's not even their problem.
I have a finger at the ready (always at the ready) and I would
love to point it at some thing or other, but... there is a
hesitancy because I can't locate anything to point to. Yeh,
maybe the best thing to do is just float along. All that comes
to mind is what you have already done.
It's a little like this. You are in waters that have been
traveled but aren't subject to chartering, hence you are on your
own. Of course, you always were, but now it really sinks in.
It's ALL you, not just this or that, ALL. Trust and allow.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1485--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: September 20, 2014, 12:47 pm
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ex·po·sé (ksp-z)
n.
1. An exposure or a revelation of something discreditable.
2. A formal exposition of facts.
I've spent some time thinking about your response Jed, I
realized I'm about to go down with the ship and I don't exactly
know what "it" will look like after. That unknown was generating
the fear I was in while typing my "little expose'". I got the
intended sarcasm in that statement and trusted you were seeing
something I wasn't, so I spent some time dissecting it.
My diminished ego was ready and willing to ascribe your quip to
definition #2, "just the facts ma'm" but my personal bs meter
was in the red so I kept digging, it didn't take long before I
fully acknowledged I'm about to shed the self for good but also
a realization that I'm currently teetering (I've got my PA
photographing and Ebaying a lifetimes worth of s***) and it's
not too late to save the Titanic (we can start by rearranging
deck chairs!). I realized I'm not really floating yet but I've
gashed the hull and it's just a matter of time, hence, at the
moment I'm a bit nervous about getting my knickers wet. So while
these are the facts, I see I had also recoiled at the deeper
realization that the ship is really going down, it's sinking and
of course it's fully sinking in.
"Trust and allow". Thanks for that, no one trusts and allows
while in fear, those words were key. At the beginning of Pirates
of the Caribbean Captain Jack Sparrow sails his sinking ship
right to the dock with nary a twinge.... dock, open ocean or
fathomless depths, Bring it.
Thanks aren't enough for what you've given but they'll have to
do,
know1
#Post#: 1564--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: September 22, 2014, 12:06 pm
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Woke up and realized I've had my head up Jed's arse for 5
months. Wow. I got the key (actually several and big ones no
doubt) and it's time to kill the f*****g thing and move on.
The paradox of using the mind to get rid of the mind in your
rant is apt here, use your guru to get rid of your guru. (if
he's given you permission, otherwise you're in a religion or
cult). The first job of any disciple is to learn how to quit
following an outsourced leader, to become a leader of self,
thereby attaining HA. The next job is to kill the new leader, to
kill yourSELF thereby attaining T/R.
At this point I can hear you saying "Further" Jed but "ain't
nobody here got time for that!", to my mind "further" holds a
subtext of doing, i'm not in the business of doing, I'm not
doing s*** anymore. My koan is NEXT. (No Ego eXperiences Truth).
NEXT has a beingness subtext, as in "Wait here and see what's
NEXT". My first foray into my own lexicon, there ain't room here
(in my consciousness) for the two of us anymore Jed...
Setting your polished skull next to Byron Katie's, Tolle's,
Thomas Willhite's, Buddha's, Christ's, my mother's, my father's
and all the others I've laid to rest.
Thanks, adios and RIP MFer's.
I'm sure I will catch a glimpse of y'all occasionally in the
rear view mirror but I've finally realized that trying to forge
ahead with eyes glued to the rear view mirror is f******
ridiculous. Consciousness ho! NEXT.
know1
#Post#: 1568--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: Jed McKenna Date: September 22, 2014, 12:26 pm
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Excellent, on you way now little doogie.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1575--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: September 22, 2014, 3:20 pm
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The Universe is insane...ly awesome.
literally 10 minutes after writing my last post my daughter, out
of the blue, texted me that she'd just found out I'm eligible
for Italian citizenship because my great grandparents were born
in Sicily, I've spent several months in France, loved it and
always planned my next stop to be Italy, looks like it's going
to be more than a few months though. I now have a clearer
picture of whats in store and why I'm selling everything and
dismantling everything, I need to travel lighter it seems to
where this is headed... or not.
know1
#Post#: 1877--------------------------------------------------
Re: Done
By: know1 Date: September 28, 2014, 3:05 pm
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Jed,
I have seen you allude to the fact that everyone will become T/R
eventually and I'm asking here for clarification.
When you talk about everyone becoming T/R eventually, are you
speaking of Dostoyevsky's version in "The Death of Ivan Illych"
or something else?
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