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#Post#: 6390--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Bratra88 Date: December 14, 2014, 8:16 pm
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While doing nothing, there are many things happening. Thoughts.
Observations. Breath. Feelings. Everything is on autopilot,
except for the limited things awareness is on. Whatever that
thing is, feels like water, malleable to intention.
#Post#: 6402--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 14, 2014, 11:18 pm
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Just stick with it B.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6889--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Bratra88 Date: December 19, 2014, 9:32 pm
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It seems every moment I have an opportunity to experience an
awakening. Life is giving me something to open my eyes. I have
been choosing to ignore it, or at least choose to experience
just enough of the direction of truth, then this novel
experience is orgasmically uplifting enough to justify my
unconscious to creep back in and my experience to continue in
the lens of my ego.
I want to address this as the game of truth. All human beings
have chosen a game to play, whether it is a game of being lost,
or the game of being a family man, or the game of making money,
or the game of experiencing adventure, or the game of following
your innate destiny. One grounding game that everyone
intuitively plays is this game of what is really true. Although
part of me is living in this ashram and meditating 3 times a day
because the quieting experience opens my vulnerability to
experiencing life without my ego filter, I notice that after a
certain realization my ego swoops back in and charges my body to
go fill some activity it perceives as meaningful. It makes me
believe that I am playing a game with myself towards hiding the
truth, although I do believe if I sit down and meditate everyday
3 times a day and eat healthy I will transform into something
else, my journey does not aspire for such an immediate change
but more of a gradual flow into this silent path. It reminds me
of when I was a kid and wondered why when women decided they
wanted to have sex with someone but made the guy work so hard
anyway even though they wanted it, someone once shared with me
that most of the time the joy is the dance towards the end and
not the end itself.
I realized today during meditation that all thoughts and words
are meaningless, it is the feeling that I attach with everything
which I attempt to keep. I try to preserve beliefs and words
and phrases because I am trying to preserve a certain feeling.
Obviously no feeling can be preserved forever, but my
unconscious experience wants to autopilot certain feelings more
then others which brings certain words and phrases.
Part of the journey, or my journey, is my decision to live life
following my truest highest excitement. I am having difficulty
following this undefined statement as it is unclear to know the
difference between my unconscious fear based impulses and my
true highest excitement. For instance, during meditation with
all these thoughts that I just expressed, then a inner play of
observing each feeling that came with each sentence, then a
moment of pure silence and awareness and shower cleansing
feeling, followed by a resurge of desire to write in my journal,
I left the room less awake in the shell of my ego to come and
write in my journal. However, on this path while walking, I
kept feeling a gravitational pull towards looking at my phone to
see if any work related issue came up. Now here comes the
dilemma, should I follow the path towards my unconscious pull
that I believe is pulling me in a profitable financial decision
partly coming from a place of feeling insecure and a lack of
abundance or do I go straight to the laptop and try my best to
write in the journal fighting the screaming ego in my mind
bantering me TO CHECK MY PHONE! Last night I experienced a
similar issue, I lied in bed at 1am after writing about my
desire to making to 6am morning meditation, and all I could hear
is my body screaming GO RUN GO WORKOUT YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT
while my mind tugged against it saying Listen you must go to
morning meditation if you workout you will not make it. It's
funny, I look back and see what actually happenend is I
suppressed what I REALLY WANTED TO DO RIGHT NOW for what I
THOUGHT I SHOULD DO which eventually gave me PERMISSION TO DO
WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO DO at a different moment. Interesting
thing to note.
Namaste and full love,
Balwin
#Post#: 6891--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 19, 2014, 10:06 pm
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Interesting, but too long. 250 words or less, preferably less.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6892--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: SplashArtist Date: December 19, 2014, 10:53 pm
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[quote author=Bratra88 link=topic=89.msg1347#msg1347
date=1411050864]
Much more difficult? I cannot conceive how it is possible to do
"nothing".
When learning to pick up girls, I hired this charismatic
grounded free man as my coach who onced asked me what is
meditation? I responded to concentrate my awareness on one
thing and observe if it drifts away and to go back. He tells
me, "No, it is doing absolutely nothing." From there, I spent a
lot of time meditating towards doing nothing. I find if I do
this while laying down, it will lead to sleeping. If i do this
in a meditative posture, my awareness will always shift towards
something. Maybe my thoughts, maybe towards silence, maybe
seeing the blackness of my eyes closed, maybe hearing the sounds
of the environment or my body. So "I" am always being aware of
"something". And this "something" that I am aware of is always
doing something. HMMMM, that was pretty deep self realization,
I am going to sit on this for a bit because I think I got it
(well my mind got it and there was awareness of this something
doing something).
[/quote]
RSD? (sorry Jed for once again cross threading)
#Post#: 6894--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 20, 2014, 12:15 am
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Dear SA:
Mind your own thread.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6896--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Bratra88 Date: December 20, 2014, 12:18 am
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It seems every moment I have an opportunity to experience an
awakening. Life is giving me something to open my eyes. I have
been choosing to ignore it, or at least choose to experience
just enough of the direction of truth, then this novel
experience is orgasmically uplifting enough to justify my
unconscious to creep back in and my experience to continue in
the lens of my ego.
I want to address this as the game of truth. All human beings
have chosen a game to play, whether it is a game of being lost,
or the game of being a family man, or the game of making money,
or the game of experiencing adventure, or the game of following
your innate destiny. One grounding game that everyone
intuitively plays (underneath all games) is this game of what is
really true. I know I CAN just win the game by FULLY FOCUSING
MY 100% TOWARDS TRUTH, but I Consciously and unconsciously
CHOOSE to peel an onion layer every few weeks and then play with
it in my life until I get bored and feel like peeling another
layer.
#Post#: 6897--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Bratra88 Date: December 20, 2014, 12:20 am
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I realized today during meditation that all thoughts and words
are meaningless, it is the feeling that I attach with everything
which I attempt to keep. I try to preserve beliefs and words
and phrases because I am trying to preserve a certain feeling.
Obviously no feeling can be preserved forever, but my
unconscious experience wants to autopilot certain feelings more
then others which brings certain words and phrases. Even me
typing these words of believing that all words are meaningless
and it is about the feeling, is more about the experience of
embodying the emotion of certainty which is a state that I enjoy
to experience.
#Post#: 6900--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 20, 2014, 12:45 am
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:D
#Post#: 11975--------------------------------------------------
Re: Lost Vent
By: Bratra88 Date: May 26, 2015, 5:32 am
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I never really liked the question who am I? It gets me stuck in
my head and confused. The question where am I though, that
wakes me up... That makes me look around and really realize
that I cannot physically see or point to where I am. Leads me
baffled about awareness/consciousness and how it seems more
finite then infinite.
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