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#Post#: 993--------------------------------------------------
warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 11, 2014, 3:10 am
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i have been putting off writing here for a while because I am
not sure what I want to happen. What got me into this.....I
understood at a young age (preteens) that thought wasnt all it
was cracked up to be. Fast forward to early thirties completely
out of the blue and purely by accident I saw that I had nothing
to do with anything, other things occurred after that. I ended
up a drunk, half way between me and whatever. Im 55 now and
still halfway between me and whatever, and it hasnt been easy.
#Post#: 1026--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 12, 2014, 3:39 am
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Dear Warnie:
Thank you for joining the forum and welcome. Now, I'm not the
least impressed by your story, I have a big 'SO WHAT?' for you.
Christ man, do you realize how many drunks there are in the
world hiding their feelings behind some b.s. woe is me story, it
should be a whoa is me. I'll just stop being alive and pretend
to die to it all. Good luck.
Give me more to work with if you want anything from me. Tit for
tat. If you want the best of me, give me your guts, flat out.
Tell me the truth, doesn't have to be 'TRUTH', but certainly
more truthish than what you posted.
If you think I am being too hard on you, fine, you can leave. If
you think I am jumping the gun and haven't given you chance, you
are correct, sooo. here is your chance.
Love ya, (the ever forgiving and merciful) Jed.
#Post#: 1041--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 12, 2014, 4:40 pm
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Thanks, Jed for the response. I can see where there is a lot of
self pity, poor me bs. All excuses for not facing what the flick
is really going on. I can see that I had no idea what to do. One
part wanted to protect this me and do what ever I was capable of
doing and something else wanted to drop the whole lot. I felt
that I was completely wasting life, on the other hand I didnt
want to do anything until this shit was sorted out.
I become angry, bitter, and all the rest of the shit.
I wanted to write about what I think I understand about what I
(truly?) am, through experience and, yep, from what I read in
books. But it is completely pointless.
I want to work my way into this, but I am not to sure what to
do, maybe a reply in the form of a 3x2 is needed .
cheers.
#Post#: 1075--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 14, 2014, 1:19 am
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flick it , just going to write what comes up....Originally I
didnt want to read books or talk to anyone because I didnt want
to be influenced by anyones opinion or concepts of what I am. By
looking {and I had know idea what I was looking for} there was a
sense that what came up was true or honest .
After the sh?t hit the fan is when I started to read. And I read
everything I could get my hands on . It was all an excuse to not
face up to fact, so to speak.
What is it about fear?? Isnt it that it doesnt want to be found
out to be nothing more than fluff.. Isnt it the same with lies,
the last thing a lie wants is to be seen as a lie?
All mind play crap.
What keeps me in this junk.. I remember years ago I was out on
the river fishing, a couple of mates were on the bank carrying
on with crap. I saw briefly that their personalities or who they
were had nothing to do with what they were doing. It was if who
they were was parasitic to what was actually going on and had
nothing to do with anything.
What is it I want now, then? Well go back 25 yrs with an
understanding of what may have been happening. Thats a flicken
fantasy.
Sometimes I feel that I can drop the whole lot, flick the
consequences. I can see how the mind throws up all the excuses
not to.
Later.
#Post#: 1132--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 15, 2014, 4:46 am
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have written a couple of times and deleted them for whatever
reason....For me all that i can do is to keep looking at what
appears to be going on, and question it. I understand the
difference between knowing through true experience and
intellectual knowing through concepts. At this point I'd say
99.9%
of any explanation I give about is happening would be mind play
bullsh#$t.
#Post#: 1335--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 18, 2014, 4:14 am
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I ve been reading a few of the other posts and it is surprising
the number of others thoughts and reactions are my thoughts and
reactions and the responses by Jed pertain to me as well.
Of the 6 billion or whatever people on this earth there is a
finite number of types of thought and reactions. The mind is
very limited actually, in its capacity
to do anything particularly if the is a parasite or as they say
a ghost in the works, called me. That me is a conditioned sense
or an underlying current and purely habit.
Its interesting to witness how young kids are when they first
begin to form the habit. You can see their minds turning. trying
to figure out this sense of a me everyone pushes onto them. They
dont even have to understand language to form the habit.
Its the habit itself that appears hard to break. And what is it
that is going to break it. Or what is it that can break it.
I gave the grog away a number of years ago, but have continued
to smoke pretty heavily. I might give that away and use that as
a way to overcome the mind,,,just thinking
#Post#: 1490--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 20, 2014, 4:35 pm
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Felt like writing something again, I havent been much into using
techniques, because I saw that as manipulaing myself to
basically be human, why would I want to do that, is it that
pathetic. A dog can be a dog without using techniques to be a
dog. When I had a closer look, everything I have been doing is a
manipulation or a technique to be what I think I or should be.
Everything I have done has amounted to nothing, in a true sense.
At this particular point I can see how bitter and twisted I have
become. I see this as just more manipulation to justify
myself.
I dont know, Letting go of it all and keep having a look, seeing
what is happening, see through it then see what happens. And
maybe get myself another dog.
#Post#: 1496--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 20, 2014, 9:05 pm
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The purpose of any decent technique is to undo your need for
any technique. That's also the purpose of any decent guru. There
are only a few (of both) that work. You must come to the point
where you throw the technique away, otherwise it becomes an AA
meeting with only you in attendance and geez that can really be
boring.
One other value of a technique is a group can develop a shared
vocabulary and language patterns. This can assist com but also
be a trap in the later stages, especially if you are drafted
into the Advaita police.
Have you given any technique a decent shot.
Love ya, Jed (Det. First class APD)
#Post#: 1505--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: warnie
Date: September 20, 2014, 11:15 pm
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Thanks for the response Jed.
At the moment I am definitely wrapped up in the mind. Previously
I took everything to the body (not knowing what I was doing) and
it had a major effect. All I was trying to do is get out of
thought and mind. After that I just looked to see what if
anything was happening. Things appeared to come up that showed
me my perception or understanding was changing, what I was
seeing or sensing or doing. And what was actually doing it.
So I guess, Taking all emotional energy straight to the body and
just looking was a technique I used. But for no other reason
than to get out of mind.
It was like I back doored the mind.
Now I guess I am mentally tired (not a whinge) and dull and feel
a bit stuck and have felt that way for a number of years. Like a
f%ck it without letting go of the f%ck it.
Any suggestions would be appreciated
#Post#: 1509--------------------------------------------------
Re: warnie
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 21, 2014, 1:43 am
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Letting go is b.s. There is no one around and nothing to let go
of. However, from a practical point of view, you often have to
go through it. Start very small. It's not unlike forgiveness.
Nothing and no one to forgive, but it's a useful step.
love ya, Jed.
Remember, start very small and build up.
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