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#Post#: 17619--------------------------------------------------
Moving through the pile of stuff
DIR By: hereiam
Date: January 25, 2016, 10:11 pm
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Hi Jed,
I've been searching for the Ultimate for about 5 years. I grew
up in a Christian family, going to church every Sunday etc. but
by the age of 20 (I'm 29 now) I started realizing that all that
is bullshit. I got interested in stuff like energy healing,
developing psychic abilities but that didn't really work (I
didn't apply much effort either) and I moved on to practicing
meditation. Didn't really know what I wanted from it, just
seemed interesting. Then I stumbled upon the idea of Awakening
and that really caught my interest.
I started practicing meditation more intensely, mostly just
allowing whatever feelings/sensations were arising. I've also
practiced zen meditation (just sitting), holding attention on
the "I am", being aware that something is aware.
I'm wondering, whether the right thing to do is to just pick one
practice and stick to it, or if it's ok to switch them? I find
I'm switching things up quite a bit. For example, I can inquire
into "Who am I? Who is experiencing? Who is thinking?", and then
after a week the questions just don't "work" somehow, nothing
really seems to work, any attempt to do something seems futile
and pointless and all that's left is just be with whatever is.
And then in a few days the questions start working again. It
seems, after intense meditation or inquiry, exhaustion builds up
and at some point there isn't any will to do anything, just
accept my unawakened condition and not do anything about it for
a while...
The common thing throughout this whole process is a sensation of
hard sticky energy in the body. It's like a big compressed pile
of shit that is unpacked very slowly by not resisting it and by
inquiry. And even though it layers of it are being released, it
doesn't seem to get smaller. There is always more and more, like
an onion that when peeled, grows back to the original size...
Do you think I'm going in the right direction? Any advice would
be greatly appreciated.
#Post#: 17620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moving through the pile of stuff
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 25, 2016, 10:59 pm
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Dear H:
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post.
I actually like the method of diving into something, giving it
all you can, then completely drop it... only to later come back
to it later.
I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. This can take much
time and patience. My only suggestion is ''who am I'' implies
some possible persona, a ''who'', I would use ''What is aware of
all this''. Give it a try, intensely, and the throw it out the
window. Then pick it up later, dust it off and give it another
short. Be careful not to get trapped by looking for something in
particular. T/R is not an experience and cannot be imagined.
Best wishes, and write me anytime.
Love ya, Jed
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 18153--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moving through the pile of stuff
DIR By: hereiam
Date: February 20, 2016, 2:04 am
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Thanks for your reply, Jed.
What are your thoughts on sex/mastu!rbation/sexual desire? No
one really talks about it (in the world of spiritual seekers). I
wonder, if not masturbating/having sex (or doing or very rarely)
has any benefit... Not wasting energy. I guess I still believe
in all that talk about mastu!rbation being in some way dirty. I
feel kind of drained after it. Also believing that it is somehow
an impediment. But going a long time without a release of sexual
energy, the mind/body gets, as indians would say, very tamasic -
hard to concentrate, slow reaction etc. Difficult to meditate,
contemplate things.
I'm yet to find some kind of a balance in this area... Any
thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated.
#Post#: 18155--------------------------------------------------
Re: Moving through the pile of stuff
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 20, 2016, 2:23 am
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Do it or don't do it. Fretting about it is kinda stupid. It has
nothing to do with T/R and abstaining is a choice you can
make... for yourself. I strongly suggest you don't pay any
attention to church b. s. or the opinions of others. You know
what's best for you. And, definitely don't pay attention to me.
Love ya, Jed.
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