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#Post#: 17465--------------------------------------------------
Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 18, 2016, 11:36 am
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Hi Jed,
I'm not new to the forum :)
I was not going to post on the forum. It won't really matter
whether I post or not. But I have to say that I feel normal. Not
that I fit in but just one , really ordinary person.Before I had
a staggering picture of looking like a great person ( or what I
thought was great), fame, be recognised etc.etc. No more. I
don't energise that picture anymore. Literally stopped investing
my energy into those pursuits.
I stopped trying to defend myself. I simply go with the flow.
Whatever happens let that happen. I'm open to anything.
While I wonder if I would be ever able to emotionally defend
something, I'm not sure. Will I ever gain trust of someone , not
sure of that either.
So this "Not sure" phase is currently going on. I'm not capable
of following an abstract thought as of now. But I can carry out
a little focus and do things here and there. It's not my
personal "most" aware / "most" feared stage as of now, but I
still have more thinking to do.
Thought I would tell you that with a thanks :)
Gayathry
#Post#: 17476--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 19, 2016, 12:59 am
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Dear G:
Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forum... one point.. you
don't have more thinking to do, you have less thinking to do.
'
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 17491--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 19, 2016, 3:38 am
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What happens if I don't think ?
Might have to accept whatever that comes around, whatever that
falls in the lap. Things don't come without a reason. But if I
have to choose something, may be I should have enough
information to make a wise choice right ?
No. I'm afraid to live. I'm just afraid of making bad choices.
#Post#: 17492--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 19, 2016, 4:10 am
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Stop think for a half hour and find out what will happen. Really
do it, don't think about it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 17500--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 19, 2016, 8:12 am
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It feels like a party . Feeling and Feeling :)
#Post#: 17501--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 19, 2016, 8:31 am
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Stick with it as long as you can.
Cheers, Jed.
#Post#: 17513--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 19, 2016, 3:14 pm
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Dear Jed,
Thanks for the little advice. That had helped me calm down.
I feel that if I think again , I might go nuts. This I am sure.
Endlessly I've compared my brains to others. I've always made
myself feel like a failure. Fed the body the unpleasant
feelings. As a result , I'm with a BMI 34, weighing 30 kilos
over my recommended weight. I don't know what kills than a
guilt.
I'm cool now. Ill keep up with not to thinking thing.
Thanks Jed , Love you
Gayathry ;D
#Post#: 17514--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 19, 2016, 3:28 pm
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Just a memory/rant , you can ignore
I've taken spirituality seriously since I was a kid. Thought it
would give me super powers to make more friends or just get
people interested in me. My parents told me stories , and being
from an orthodox religious Hindu family, scriptures were held in
high regard. I always looked up to great teachers, people ,
yogis who were bold ~ played with snakes, did things out of
courage which normal people would otherwise not do. Mentally if
I become like them , perhaps I might prove a point to all those
who ignored or eliminated me, if I achieved big things or rescue
the dying clan or take up a big crusade and make it heard. . A
mission is waiting beyond, I have to shoulder a responsibility,
I am important , and all that .. .
I turned 16 , I changed my school , people who are equally or
perhaps better endowed posed a great threat to my beliefs. But I
love them because it is true , hate them because they are a
threat. I'm drawn to challenges , hard situations since then ,
but I also hate them. So , easy way ? Just talk about the
challenging situations , like a good talker , but stay safe and
let others tread before you. I am very very precious remember
... Since then , I've been thinking more and Acting less. I
don't like to feel the uncomfortable , lonely and ignored..
Rest ... feel and refresh .. Love you Jed
#Post#: 17524--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 19, 2016, 11:43 pm
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All those memories are stories. It has shaped my role on the
planet. They are utterly useless . They don't even sell. I'm the
only person who knows that.
Feeling much better ....Because I'm feeling more than I think.
#Post#: 17530--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gayathry
DIR By: bree
Date: January 20, 2016, 4:43 am
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More rant , ignore
Those stories really don't matter at all. Baby I'm revolting
against my surroundings. I really detest the fact that I am
being raised to f*** and raise children !
Matrimony or not ? At max what would happen ? The place where I
live , probably I might have to earn my freedom. Freedom from
Pussy cats.
What ? Don't I have a better something to do ? Have some self
respect ? Why others dominate my dream so much ?
I'm ignoring and simply going with the flow. I'm a failure
because I didn't adhere to the definition . That's convincing ,
but this time I'm comfortably stuck.
It won't make any sense. I'm not going to sleep anymore . I'll
wake up ..
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