DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
INVISIBLE GURU FORUM
HTML https://jedmckenna.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Member Posts
*****************************************************
#Post#: 854--------------------------------------------------
Stuck
DIR By: Mike
Date: September 8, 2014, 1:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Good afternoon Jed,
I guess I'll start by talking a little about myself since you
seem to want that of us for some reason. I've read all your
books since the first one came out around 2005 when my dad
picked it up the first two and gave them to me to read. I never
grew up religious, my parents leaning more to the side of
buddhist spiritualism and new agey "live in the present through
meditation" stuff. I was always an inquisitive kid constantly
contemplating the nature of reality and had read a lot of these
new age books myself up until I read yours. After that I didn't
feel like there was a need to read anything else since after
reading your first book, I became very intellectually aware that
nobody knows anything so why read useless opinions from people
who probably don't know what they're talking about? So you
might be wondering why I read your second and third book.
Entertainment value most likely.
After a many years of contemplating your writings, but not
really doing much, I started the SA thing and got a pretty
strong response. I had no idea how much hate and anger I have
in me till I started typing about what I think is true. The
last time I got deep into an SA session I trashed my room.
Papers scattered everywhere, electronics broken, tv smashed into
the wall, it was quite a mess and the reason I don't go into it
very much anymore. I think my roommate thought I was possessed
by a demon or something. See, I have this idea in my head that
the universe is playing this sick joke on me. That I have to
suffer in this life, work hard every day just to survive and the
only thing I have to look forward to is death and it fills me
with this intense anger and despair every time I really, REALLY
think about it. But it never really helped me. No matter how
many SA sessions I did, I only ever found myself running blindly
into this wall of rage, eventually stumbling my way back out and
learning nothing.
So then I tried this whole acceptance thing and formed my own
technique for it. I would welcome a negative thought and just
let it be, which would always lead me to another, yet deeper,
negative thought that I would also welcome and so on until there
was nothing left to accept anymore. This was pretty effective
for a while but I guess my ego grew a new defensive mechanism to
stop me. Now I'm constantly finding myself resisting the
acceptance and when I try accepting the resistance to the
acceptance I end up resisting that acceptance. So now I'm just
running in circles stuck in this weird loop.
But you want a question, so here goes...
Can you recommend a way for me to get myself unstuck?
P.S. I hope my rant made sense...writing isn't my strong suit I
think.
#Post#: 862--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 9, 2014, 12:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear S:
Thanks for sharing. Start by doing something different. Pattern
interrupt yourself. Walk into your room backwards, wipe your ass
with the other hand. Drink coffee with the other hand, and a
good one from Jerry, only say every third thought when in a
conversation and only pay attention to every third thought when
talking to yourself.
At least you know you are angry. Most folks aren't even that far
along.
Give it a try and get back to me.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 888--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Mike
Date: September 9, 2014, 9:24 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Alright, I'll try that for awhile and see how it goes. I've
poured myself a cup of tea a little bit ago since I ALWAYS drink
coffee and ALWAYS in the afternoon after lunch.
I think I should mention something else about me since I didn't
get to it with my last message. Like I said, writing isn't my
finest talent in that I have a tendency to forget what's in my
head when trying to put it to paper, or in this case computer
screen.
I resist things. A LOT. I had a happy childhood as far as
childhoods go but then somewhere around my teenage years I began
worrying more about the same things everyone else does at that
age. No big story there, everyone goes through this, but then
it just got worse and worse till I started resisting things like
going out to eat with people I know, going to the gym later,
doing a measly 2 paragraph write-up for a class, etc. Then I
began to develop more "goals" and "dreams" because accomplishing
those would, you know, make me happy. Things like getting in
great shape, learning a new language, meditating more, getting
another degree, etc. Flash forward to now and I'm all about
resistance and being goal oriented. I resist everything.
Getting up in the morning, making breakfast, talking to friends,
doing projects I actually like to do, brushing my teeth.
Brushing my ****ing teeth, Jed!! And I have more life goals
then most people have fingers and toes so, needless to say, I
don't sleep much and have the energy of a 70 year old. I'm 34!
If this pattern doesn't change I probably won't make it to 45.
By the way, how'd you know I was so routine based?
#Post#: 898--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 9, 2014, 2:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hi Stuck:
Just a hunch.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1156--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Mike
Date: September 15, 2014, 10:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Ok, so I've been doing that technique you gave me and it's
definitely given me a greater sense of, well, space I guess.
For lack of a better term anyway. Kind of like opening an
umbrella in a rainstorm but it can only stay open for a short
while. It was surprisingly difficult to do at first, though.
Even little things like switching hands when doing stuff I felt
a level of resistance I wasn't expecting. So I combined the
habit changing with letting this resistance just wash over me
and it has made it a little easier so far but I don't know how
long it'll last. Usually these things don't stay with me for
more than a couple days.
I did have a weird experience during this time though. I have
heart palpitations sometimes, maybe it's medical, maybe it's
stresss, maybe it isn't important but they were the precursor to
suicidal thoughts a few days ago. Not out of depression or
anything, I just thought it would be interesting if I drank a
bunch of coffee and made my heart explode inside my chest. Not
really medically possible, yes but it was very strange because
this thought contained all the emotional fury of thinking about
taking a brisk sunday walk on a nice day. Soooooo,
yeah...that's a thing that happened. Am I doing something
wrong?
#Post#: 1158--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 15, 2014, 11:06 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mike:
Go easy on the coffee buddy. The answer to your question is NO!
This is an important point. It is absolutely impossible for you
to do anything wrong. We just aren't powerful enough to outwit
the power that is and knows the way, (thank God!).
Everything you have done in your life, every bloody little
thing, was perfect and only a silly little thought might say
otherwise. That silly little thought knows dick-all about what's
really going on here. Listen to it if you wish, but never, ever
believe it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1185--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Mike
Date: September 15, 2014, 6:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Oh I know. I've known that since I first came to the conclusion
that there is no me to control anything. Well, not so much a
conclusion as I just haven't found any evidence of a me.
Therefore how could I have any power over anything if there's no
"I" to have power? That's just silly.
That was more of a general "should I try something else to get
what I want" kind of question. Although I guess "I" never
really wanted anything if there's no "I" to be. AGH, it's
f***ing frustrating that all this is intellectual and nothing is
"gut". It's like my emotional feelings are a completely
different entity than my thoughts.
Perhaps I asked you the wrong question. Maybe instead of asking
you "What do I do to get unstuck" I should've asked myself,
"What is stuck?".
#Post#: 1557--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Mike
Date: September 22, 2014, 9:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My God I have a lot of bull**** in my head. I didn't notice it
until I started welcoming, or trying to welcome, everything that
comes my way. It's tough, it can be really tough to do that
depending on what it is and it feels a lot like a dance or some
other art form. I see a thought, try not to resist it, notice
I'm trying not to resist, let go.
Maybe this was easier before since I had just been laid off from
a job I had for 5 years that I hated and was just riding a wave
of liberation for a few months.
I don't know who I am anymore. At least, I always thought my
interests and tastes were mine but now I'm starting to wonder if
this insane amount of resistance I put up has just convinced me
that I like things I don't. Would I be a completely different
person without all this fear? No wonder I'm so angry, how could
I not be? I've been living the life of someone else all this
time.
But it feels good to let things go and just be, even if it is
shaky at times. I can't believe I ever lived differently:).
#Post#: 2343--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Mike
Date: October 6, 2014, 11:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Hiya Jed,
Been enjoying this whole "surrender" thing lately but I can feel
ego's growing backlash against it getting stronger by the day,
and changing my daily patterns around seem to only excacerbate
the matter. That's not why I'm writing though since I'll deal
with that as it comes, but I've had a question in my head for
about a week now that just won't go away so I thought maybe the
universe wants me to ask you this. And I guess me asking you is
proof of that.
I have had a very powerful fear for years that's reaaallyy deep
down, comes out every now and then, and terrifies me to a level
that I didn't know humans could experience. I've tried non
resistance but nothing comes up and with SA I don't know what
questions to ask. I'm just now sure where this fear is coming
from and what it's context is which is very strange because I'm
usually pretty good at discerning the context.
I.....think,....even though context can't be understood. But
you know what I mean. I've also tried chasing the little
bastard down but it always finds a place to hide.
So how does one go about killing these deeply buried, evasive
little ****s?
#Post#: 2407--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 7, 2014, 12:35 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Do an end run on the buggers. Who is experiencing them. This is
the cure to virtually everything, realize it's all virtual.
Love ya, Jed.
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 2
DIR Next Page