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#Post#: 2710--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 11, 2014, 11:14 pm
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Dear B;
Yes, 'you' do have no idea and that is the point of it all.
(Made up point of course)
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. Further.
#Post#: 2811--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Barros
Date: October 13, 2014, 11:42 am
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Okay. Stuff just got serious. I am now very concerned about
this. Upon reflection, what can I get is that if there is no
"me", then there is something else. Problem is, if "I" can't
understand this, then I should precisely get out of "I" before
understanding. Yeah, it is precisely that. But then I was
concerned about this. The stuff is that I can make no
distinction between what I call self and what I really feel and
see. That's the stuff, self is what I see, and so is reality. So
there is no distinction between those two entities. Yet, insist
that they are separate beings. However, this is a problem. Then
with this hypothesis, there is some contradictions in what is
thought. To think that Self is something that can be changed,
and the universe is something that can not. Self is what I am
and the Universe is everything else. I don't know. I am tired, I
can't stop thinking about this, there is some questions that
demand answers right now. They are:
First, why can't I be satisfied with my shitty life like
everyone else? Why I can't be sedated and feel like everything
is ok?
People are like flies, who can't see the glass of the window and
keep flinging themselves, thinking that there is no glass, but
the glass is still there, and I know that it is useless to fling
myself. But this means precisely that the way that everyone is
going is no way out, but not necessarily means there is another
way.
Truth is, I know, deeply that something is wrong, something is
off place, and I keep wandering and thinking, what it is? And
the answer is, I can't possibly know what it is. I need an
answer, now, and I'd give anything to get that answer. I kinda
want to cry, of tiredness because of the impossibility of
thinking about something else than this stuff. I can't stop
thinking about this, since this morning.
The things I do, they are useless at its core. Everything,
everything. They have no meaning. They have no end. They are
useless. Even killing myself would be equally useless. There is
no use to look for meaning. There is no use to try to do stuff.
There is no use to be something. There is no use to get
anywhere.
Self is useless. Self is a waste of time. There it is. So then,
the emptiness I wanted so hard to avoid is everywhere now. And
now, there is despair, but not the suicidal despair, but the
despair of trying to solve a problem without solution. I demand
answers to my questions, but they have no answer. No one is here
to answer the questions that "no one" wants to answer. What
then? I can't live on ignorance anymore. I want to suffer alone,
without anyone bugging me, and it will be hard, because I still
live in society.
So much waste of time, so much vanity. And I am intoxicated by
all this. Lost. There is no me. There is emptiness everywhere.
Further. What further? If everything is vanity. Inside me, the
"me" is crumbling, like a building. It can't stand itself
anymore. But what then, when it crumbles? Then what remains?
Truth, maybe. But I can't see it, and I don't want to see it. I
don't want even to see what I just wrote.
This is an attempt to get something out of this craziness. Jed,
you probably can't help with this, and things are getting worse.
#Post#: 2852--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 14, 2014, 4:53 am
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Dear Barros:
You said, 'First, why can't I be satisfied with my ****ty life
like everyone else?'
It may sound like I am being very picky, however, language is
the tool and a dull knife is more dangerous that a sharp one.
How do you know that everyone else is satisfied? You may not
have meant that, but it is indicative of globalization, all,
every, never, etc.
Not useful language/thinking patterns. The problem is you are
very satisfied with life, otherwise you wouldn't be living it.
You just have a conversation in your head going around and
around saying that things should be different. Should they,
really? If they should be different, why aren't they?
Things should be exactly what they are, that's all there is too
it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2876--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Barros
Date: October 14, 2014, 11:04 pm
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So, meditating on what you said, after I had some sleep and then
thinking about it along the day, I've read "Spiritual Warfare"
again, and I remembered that I was trying to fight and not to
surrender, and I knew by logic that surrender is the only way to
get somewhere. Then, while doing this, the day passing by, I had
to not do any effort for anything, so I could just drift away
and think. Weird stuff, in the sense that it was way better than
I could ever plan, happened. Then I realized. It isn't crazy to
think that the universe and what I consider to be "me" has some
relation. After all, when I surrender, the patterns, like you
meant on the book, appear. All I needed is to, well, do as the
pattern said. So then, I started to kinda chat with the
universe, like a good friend, or like myself. Maybe, I started
to think, the Universe and "I" are the same stuff, literally.
Now, I try to think why I thought I was something apart of it,
and I see, it makes little sense.
Jed, I think I got it. But "no self" is an horrible way to
describe it, I should say. But it's the least misleading,
because if I explain in my conception, it would be God chatting
with me and saying "y'know, why you done all this stuff? All you
needed to do is to chill out and relax, everything is gonna fit
itself."
Oh well. It may take some time to get used to this, sometimes a
glimpse of fear still gets me, but it's easier to deal with
this, I should just use some reminders, like your books.
Was that it? Is it over? Probably yes, maybe not. What do you
think?
#Post#: 2883--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 15, 2014, 2:18 am
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Dear Barros:
Don't look back on any experience and wonder if it was 'it'.
Keep letting them go and realize there is no 'you' they could
belong to.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2920--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Barros
Date: October 15, 2014, 9:44 pm
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Okay, having some more chat with the universe, I can see that it
can be a bit aggressive sometimes. It may be trying to tell me a
message when I sit on an ant hole or things like that. Well,
it's all about releasing, either good or bad stuff, I should let
it flow. I can't, like, make myself control stuff anymore, but
my personal preferences are many times challenged. I can't
intentionally try to control my world anymore, but fear still
makes its way, most of the time I can see it and behold, thus
getting through it. Yet, I can see that what I call "me" is
going to feel a lot of pain in this process.
Oh well.
#Post#: 2951--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Barros
Date: October 16, 2014, 10:18 pm
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I see. Ego. It's everywhere! When chatting, there is ego. When
eating, ego is there, when writing this stuff, ego is doing it.
Ego doesn't want to kill itself, and I'm well aware of this.
It's the last thing I wanna do. However, I can see that there is
nothing wrong with the world. If anything, it's wrong with me.
It's my way of viewing stuff that pisses me off.
Why is it so hard to surrender? Why all the need to believe in
falseness?
#Post#: 2959--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 17, 2014, 3:20 am
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Why to you ask why Grasshopper? You already know.
Love ya, Jed.,
#Post#: 2985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Barros
Date: October 17, 2014, 10:07 am
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Fear. Fear of saying that the emperor has no clothes. Such
foolishness. To me it's impossible to stay in this drama and
impossible to get away. The question now is which impossible
wins.
#Post#: 2989--------------------------------------------------
Re: Barros
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 17, 2014, 10:51 am
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They both win, and your awareness is the final judge of who to
pay attention to.
Love ya, Jed.
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