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#Post#: 16192--------------------------------------------------
Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Bobby
Date: November 14, 2015, 7:35 pm
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I have been at this for 14 yrs and counting. I have come very
close to the door, which, on this side, seems closed. 3
separate times, always without trying I have found the door. If
you know, then you know what door I am speaking of. Each time I
was warned not to open that door. The first time I was told that
if I open the door..."This Universe will end." The 2nd time I
was told that 'They would disappear and it would be my fault.'
The 3rd time which happened 2 months ago, the 'I' which is
simply a collection of reactions to events which happened while
I have been..."here" became filled with FEAR and said very
loudly..."You don't know what will happen when 'WE' cross that
threshold." The sens of FEAR from 'I' was deeply rooted in no
longer existing. Through, heavy digging and painfully deep
searching, I've come to the understanding, knowledge that there
is 'ME' which existed before I came into this place and then
there is 'I' which is rooted in this place and fears greatly the
absence of 'it's' being.
Jed spoke of...Chewing one's arm off to get to the TRUTH. I am
at that stage now. I am fighting 'me' or 'ME is fighting 'I'.
the 'I' being nothing more then the ego created to exist in this
place. It is a very bloody battle, one I have not yet won. I
will, however, continue the fight till I reach the door and no
longer have the 'I' binding 'ME' in chains of falsehood.
#Post#: 16193--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through Iron chains
DIR By: Bobby
Date: November 14, 2015, 8:44 pm
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I am curious... A question to the others here...Is it as painful
to go through this process as it is for me? I know everyone has
their own journey, but are there similarities? I can't find
peace as long as I am at this stage. Every time, I try and rest,
short of exhaustion, I can't just peacefully relax. The itch,
the burning desire to push forward is fast becoming my whole
focus. The really difficult part is that "i" am fighting 'ME'
and that is a really hard battle to win. The other aspect of
this struggle is the fact that the FEAR of the unknown, can at
times be crippling. Last but not least the door, which is no
door, is seemingly out of my conscious grasp. The harder I
search for the 'DOOR' the less I am able to locate it. Only 3
times have I come face to face with the door which is not a
door. Each time I was NOT looking for the door, I sort of just
stumbled upon it. Truthfully, the 'I' part of me is terrified of
that door and what it represents. The 'ME' which has existed
before I came into this world is ready to open that door and
walk through it. I have a real sense that there is no door,
that 'I' is projecting a door where there is none. How do you
find something which does not exist, yet is stronger then iron
and does not want to be found?
#Post#: 16195--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 15, 2015, 1:15 am
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Hi Bobby:
Welcome to the forum. So, let me ask you... what would happen if
you stopped fighting, dropped all your armor and swords, etc.
and just let everything be what it is, as it is. You have
invested a huge amount in there being a ''me'' who can fight
ah... what? another me?
Perhaps take a deep breath and leg go of all your struggles and
efforting. Does a rose effort, does a horse effort, does a rock
effort.. to be what they are? Could you save a great deal of
energy if you just let go? I don't know .... why not find out
four yourself.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16214--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Bobby
Date: November 15, 2015, 8:06 pm
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I see what you are saying Jed. Let me relate this. Earlier this
year in January after hours of AS I found a moment where there
was no 'I' or 'ME' everything was separate from anything
defining me as a separate entity. I can't quantify nor qualify
the moment other then to say that I was pure consciousness,
devoid of any attachments or definitions. What I was at that
moment was simply a silent observer with no mooring, no point of
view, no opinions, no chains, no fear, no joy, only being.
I remember before I came into this world, before my present
birth into this world. I remember the journey towards this place
and I remember the conversation and instructions I was given
before I incarnated into this world. So, I know that I was
alive before I came here, I know and have a better clarity of
who and what is the driver behind the person typing on the
keyboard presently. I know that when I leave here my then
incarnation at which ever level I attain in this life will
continue onward.
I can not tell you how uncomfortable I am at this present stage.
I want/NEED/MUST make the next step in my evolution. I simply
can not comfortably exist as I am now. I have learned too much,
I have come so far. The need to go further is like a wild animal
inside me tearing and ripping trying somehow to get free, to
break out and be free.
I am aware on a very deep level that I am not the person looking
back at me in the mirror. I am not my collective experiences.
I am not my fears, my worries, my joys, my happiness's, those
are finite and passing away. My understanding, which is called
consciousness, is in the way of my awakening. "I' am trying
to get past 'me.' t Yet how do I remove the 'I', that
being, my pure consciousness?
I do get the notion of...."Get rid of the 'I'."
Yet, in order to communicate in this dream I must speak from a
viewpoint. That point, which is quantified by the 'I.'
My question... "What is missing in my digging, tearing, ripping
of myself. I believe I see the outline, yet it is obvious I am
missing the finer details of the journey to freedom.
Any pointers will be voraciously consumed, digested, and then
jettisoned when I no longer need them....Kill the Buddha
#Post#: 16216--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 15, 2015, 10:40 pm
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Hi Bobby:
Stop fighting, as I said before. Let everything be. So you have
a monster inside tearing you apart... who cares? Really, who the
hell cares. Let it tear you apart, let it eat you alive.
Resistance is all that's keeping you stuck.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16221--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Bobby
Date: November 15, 2015, 11:05 pm
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Jed, so your saying let the burning desire take it's course? I
understood this to be a journey of will and focus. Am i just to
sit back and let this gnawing, burning desire simply eat at me
daily without application or at the least channeling it's
energies. Having reached certain moments of being where I was
free and totally unencumbered I desire to shed these useless
vestigial appendages. The term...Absolute lightness of being
comes to mind. To not judge, to not be judged, to not worry,
fear, or have any lack, to be right EXACTLY where I am at any
given moment without any intrusions from the past or future
'What if's.'
Please let me add, Thank you, for your time and advice
#Post#: 16224--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 16, 2015, 12:08 am
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I believe you are trying to re-create a past experience. DO NOT
try that, it will block out what is happening very effectively.
Just be with what is. if it's not what you want then just be
with that non-wanting. Don't try to shed anything. See through
it. Trying to shed it just creates more ''you'' and that's not
the direct to go. Forget about channeling energies. They will
channel you... if they want to.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16251--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Bobby
Date: November 16, 2015, 11:03 pm
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Thank you Again Jed: In your book you said that self
realization does not just happen, despite what Zen Masters say.
You said that the SA must be applied till the truth is gotten
to. (At least that is my current understanding of your
writing/direction) So, at the present I am experiencing a
movement towards freedom or at least the next step in freedom.
Can that happen subconsciously? Again, I thought SA was applied
truth seeking, come what may, helter skelter, and all that.
Be what is... To define that presently I feel as if my
mind/Spirit/Soul is trying to break free. It is being
experienced by myself as an active energy seeking release. It
often feels like my insides, especially my abdomen is going to
burst from the pent up energy seeking release. (If that makes
any sense) It is also feels like I have too much energy for this
container, as if the container is no longer the right fit for
this energy. The energy wants to be free to explode forth, but
is held in place by something in my past. As if there is a box
unchecked, a switch that should have been thrown several steps
back. I'm always coming back to things which I feel need
resolution, yet I am too blocked off to reach resolution. Which
is why I'm being held back at this point. How do I go back and
flip the switch when it is out of order. I feel like I needed to
hit these switches in order and since because of trauma I am out
of order and have missed my chance to effectively transform.
So, do I go back, the itch of unfished business is driving me
crazy. I need to go back but an being blocked by my ego,
because my ego is very afraid that if I am allowed to go back
and fix the order then I will be allowed to go forward where the
go is no longer necessary. Then, I will have what is needed
to dissolve the ego and the ego does not want that at all costs,
thus the blockages, thus the fight, thus the bindings dissolve
and I am free to go forward.
Does that make any sense I just typed that with out looking or
thinking...Just free flow thoughts
#Post#: 16254--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 17, 2015, 12:59 am
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What if all that was complete b.s.? What if you were just making
it up. It all is appearing in mind, and your mind is just a
collect of inclinations and memories, none of which are real. I
think you are hiding from just doing what might be needed to be
done. Get on with it or crawl back in your shell, but stop
fretting about it, that's always a waste of energy which could
be put to better use like doing the dishes or taking the dog
for a walk.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16266--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chewing through iron chains
DIR By: Bobby
Date: November 17, 2015, 11:36 pm
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Going back is impossible. Once you have glimpsed the truth, you
can never go backwards and be happy. The truth is so much
greater then the lie. I must go forward. I'm just not sure how
to accomplish that. If all of this is a dream and I am SURE of
that, the question becomes how do I wake up?
I've come close to the door, but only by accident. Every time I
look for the exit it eludes me. It's like trying to grasp smoke
in the dark. Something is blocking me from waking/exiting this
dream. I am sure that something is me. How do I overcome me?
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