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#Post#: 15936--------------------------------------------------
the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 2, 2015, 9:58 am
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I'm discovering the way I think the dream is still real. or
that’s what it seems like I’m doing these days. somethings
discovering something.
I asked myself, am I willing to let go of all of those ways I
make the dream real?
I get a yes. And then I feel a tightening and I see images and I
have thoughts and then I notice negotiations beginning. Can I
let go of all my relationships, sex, trips to the beach (all
“external” things)? Not that I’ll have to, but could i? So that
I could see through the dreams that I still take as real? I say
that i've seen that nothing matters, but have i really?
and that’s when I see it. That I still subtly and overtly, make
the dream real. As if by “giving up” anything, I’d be giving up
anything. The dream is made real in balking at giving up the
dream. If the dream wasn’t real in some way for me, I’d be
laughing a bit more then I am right now. I’ve got a chuckle
going on, but it’s a bit tighter then a belly laugh.
I ask myself again and again. Pausing. Sitting. Am I willing to
let go of all the ways I make the dream real? How much burning
desire do I actually have? My mind knows I’m being silly, that
none of it really matters but there’s still that tightness in my
chest. I feel the edge. It’s got some sticky glue on it and it’s
got me.
#Post#: 15937--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 2, 2015, 10:10 am
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is if something would/ could be missed!
#Post#: 15938--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 2, 2015, 10:15 am
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as if there is anything non ok about missing.
#Post#: 15943--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 2, 2015, 8:12 pm
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;)
#Post#: 15946--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 2, 2015, 8:49 pm
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i was in a historical cathedral today, taking in the stained
glass windows and the architecture and the religious mythos
displayed in so many ways. i sat down in one of the many chapels
and taking in what felt like magnificence, and i was over come.
that turned into meaninglessness, and again i was overcome.
tears started falling from my eyes and my body started to
contract and then relax, contract and then relax, like
something was being squeezed through/out of me. familiar
thoughts cycled through. all pointing to an imagined future.
uncertainty. not knowing. the grip became relief. i stood up and
walked around and the words that went round and round were: the
magnificence of the meaninglessness and the meaninglessness in
the magnificence.
i don't know what my question is yet.
#Post#: 15964--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 3, 2015, 5:28 am
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the "problems" that arise and the questions that come with them
get answered by a voice that comes in. i'm not sure how
trustworthy that voice is necessarily but thats what happens.
;D
dissonance arises about what i'm doing- sentiments along the
lines of, this shouldn't be happening or other judgements. or,
what will happen if xyz (future worrying).
the voice says, ok, so? and then settling happens.
the loudest voices are usually about relationship and connecting
w/ people. i love connecting with people- in my job and just
period. i love intimacy. with myself, with "other." i love touch
and play.
the clenching comes in when i ask how can i have that with
people when they are so engaged in the dream? (as if i'm not
also in it, right? but i have the idea that some are in in more
then others i guess?). the voice comes in pretty fast when how
questions come in and seems to eventually shut down the hamster
wheel.
the other biggie is- ok so i have relationships with people who
aren't truth seekers. how do we relate? sometimes they find me
fanatic or impossible. i often wind up "coming down" and
engaging at their level of where the dream is real and solid.
that is the engagement of the dream that i've been too scared to
let go of. the voice says, what is the problem? i say, i dunno.
isn't there one here? i can't find it...
another story goes something like, if i don't engage in the way
they want to, i'll be alone.
then i say, ok so? and settling happens.
but, i still have preferences. and still like sex. and intimacy.
and connection.
i'm still not sure what my question is but i'd love some
feedback. :P
#Post#: 15979--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 4, 2015, 12:20 am
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Dear BW:
There are no ''others'' except in the dream. Never spend a
moment worrying about what they will think and do. In Truth,
there is no you either... nothing happened... it's the only way
infinity could be and it's the only infinite that isn't.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 15990--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 4, 2015, 7:00 am
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i have experienced that to be true. no other. no self. just
"movements" or "expressions" or whatever word doesn't really
work. words, images, sensations.
and then there are other times that both self and other seem
true. if i let the seeming true be there w/o judging it then
things relax.
other/self still seem to matter sometimes. so again, if i allow
with that seeming mattering, then whatever resistance was there
gets squeezed out/dissipates.
i find it almost impossible to not get engaged with various
story lines at times. what problem is there w/ that anyway,
except for the idea that i shouldn't be?
so, rinse and repeat, x a million? keep looking for mattering
and other and self, yeah?
#Post#: 16000--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 5, 2015, 3:49 am
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Dear B:
Thanks for that. The challenge you outline, which BTW is not
wrong in any way... just what I call ''Less than optimal'', is
that the importances attached to people and events are causing
those thoughts of people and events to come into your conscious
awareness. It's a distraction minimally and can be very
disturbing on the other end of the scale. Dealing with
importances is an important component of the Series but takes
about a month to learn and master.
My suggestion is you let everything be as it is, where it is and
how it is.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16004--------------------------------------------------
Re: the dream
DIR By: blondewraith
Date: November 5, 2015, 6:16 am
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Thank you.
"My suggestion is you let everything be as it is, where it is
and how it is."
That pretty much sums it up, huh. Pretty simple invitation. Not
so easy to meet. Tricksy.
Thank you. Since and repeat.
" the importances attached to people and events are causing
those thoughts of people and events to come into your conscious
awareness. It's a distraction minimally and can be very
disturbing on the other end of the scale."
yes. that. I externally reference quite a bit. Much less then i
ever have before. And yet.
what i've done in the past is go into strategy, of not being in
relationship or some kind of isolating, or turning away. which
there is nothing wrong with either but i'm wanting to play in
the world AND not be of it. I can easily turn away from, but
staying open to and not emerged in seems to be the invitation
for me at this time.
ah. turning away does not necessarily mean closing down.
So even as i'm typing that i can feel the thread of what you're
nudging me towards. I'm right in the midst of post break up, and
the tendrils are a bit viral. hahaha yes i do place a lot of
importance on people/events. woah horsey.
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