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#Post#: 15793--------------------------------------------------
Here
DIR By: Purple Haze
Date: October 28, 2015, 3:19 pm
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Read all the books in a sitting. They are sharply written. My
mind feels like pudding and I don't know if i will be sharp
again. Seems like there are two states these days. The deep
knowledge of what I am, the palpable visceral enormity of
consciousness, the knowing as/is the being, the connection of it
all..... or badshit crazy thought accompanied by panic. The only
feeling that spans both is this oragasmic electric energy that
seems to have some intelligence and is nice enough to visit the
batshit me. Sometimes if I just collapse it will work some sort
of mojo on me, and the batshit lifts. It also feels like both
the batshit and the knowing consciousness are getting more
'extreme". Something is accelerating. Is there anything that
can be done at the time of batshit, or do I just wait it out?
And also, why am I here? It feels in a way like there are no
answers, but it seems like a nice thing to have a place to talk
about this stuff. It seems like awakening and awake people like
to compare experience. What's that about? Like I am the
consciousness now, what am I looking for? Thank you.
#Post#: 15800--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 29, 2015, 12:31 am
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Dear PH:
Welcome to the forum.
Questions, questions... make up any answer you want. That's all
answer are, made up stories.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 15906--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Purple Haze
Date: November 1, 2015, 6:37 pm
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Thanks for the response. The crazy takes the form of panic that
I'm not going to be able to work, because right now I don't see
how that is possible and I have two kids. I'm lucky that a lot
of this is happening in a break from work, but it ends soon. And
when I get sucked into that I start questioning my sanity on
every level. It passes, I slip back into the vastness. The
vastness takes different forms. Sometimes impersonal, sometimes
deeply personal. Sometimes empty, sometimes full. But the crazy
really sucks. Thanks again for the books.
#Post#: 15914--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 1, 2015, 9:39 pm
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It's all entertainment to you might as well enjoy it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16351--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Purple Haze
Date: November 20, 2015, 3:35 pm
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Thank you. Things have calmed down. A lot. I have seemed to
completely lost the identity stake in the drama I thought was
me, am aware that I am nothing but this consciousness, but for
awhile there, there were still lots thoughts, and some panicked
thoughts. Now there aren't really any panicked thoughts and the
whole thought thing has slowed down completely. There is a lot
of space. And I can just see how I made a whole crazy world up,
and I see others doing it all around. And I see that everything
is just the same, nothing better, or worse. And I suspect
somehow I'm going to be around forever so I might as well relax.
And sometimes when people ask me things about "me" I tell them
the truth. And sometimes i don't. It doesn't matter. Sometimes
it feels odd but its better than before. I still have this
electrical, orgasmic energy that races through my body and it
seems to have its own ... intelligence? I don't know. I don't
remember you talking about energy like that. Did you have it?
What do you think it is? Ty.
#Post#: 16372--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 22, 2015, 2:06 am
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I've experienced much of what you speak of, at least, in my
experience it appears to have been similar. However, if it's
happening to the body or in the body, it has nothing to do with
who or what you are. You are the capacity that it all (including
the body) appears in.
Don't pay more than minimal attention to the body, pay attention
to what it occurs in.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16444--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Purple Haze
Date: November 24, 2015, 10:48 am
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Yes. I am not my body, that is for sure. It is interesting to
have this happening in the body, though, as I historically (btw,
I could put quotes around half the words in this post but will
spare us) was one of those disembodied brain types. And weirdly,
the physical world has become more "real" not less. (oh heck I
went and did it.) For instance, I was never a slob, but the past
few weeks I've cleaned out every closet, junk drawer, cupboard
in the house. I seem to enjoy things simpler and neater. I take
more care with tasks. And in the past I would eyeroll the food
police, but now I only feel like eating "good" food ... when I
do eat, which is far less than before. I have had a couple days
where I didn't eat at all, and didn't really realize it until
the end of the day. There is nothing I feel like doing work
wise, but there are things I don't want to do - I'm turning down
work I would've taken in the past. I'm assuming what I'm
supposed to be doing will show up, for the most part. Little
bits of fear around that show up, but not the panic that it was.
xo
#Post#: 16466--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 25, 2015, 1:03 am
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Sounds less ''hazy'' purp.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 16482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Purple Haze
Date: November 25, 2015, 1:10 pm
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Yup. It's funny, seeing everything as not in the same way real
seems to make it even more palpable. I like the feeling inside
my body. I like touching things. I like the feeling of my feet
on the rug. I like looking into the dogs' eyes. Everything is
more real than when my head was up the ass of my own head. And
it's beautiful. I have an appreciation for physicality I never
had before. I'm so happy for that dude on the other thread who
gets to make musical instruments for a living. What a great job.
#Post#: 16492--------------------------------------------------
Re: Here
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 25, 2015, 10:43 pm
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Making tangible things for a living usually results in a happier
life... but there are many ways to be happy.
Love ya, Jed.
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