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#Post#: 819--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 9:47 am
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Yeh Jed, we like two hands on one belly.
This is also a nice shortcut to the mantra you suggested we'd
do.
I have to say, i'm already on this mantra, that means i have my
eyes on it for quite some time now.
The answer is: i can't, that obvious to me becourse i know
already everyting is me projected out of me.
The problem i experience is the way i handle things. There is
that thing standing in my way and that's me who wants something
entirely for her self (i hear the stupidness in it as i write
it.) but can't accept it's already her's.
I hop on two legs. I'm in this world of seperation where people
or things interact with other, it seems to happen outside of me,
but i also experience, what seems to happen outside, happening
inside of me. At times it feels awfull what comes through me,
then i want nothing more than this seperation in place again.
It's that body confusion. There is a body, here is a body.
Bodies make love all over the place, and it's all like they make
love to me. It's like interactive ****. I'm not asking for it
(don't laugh), I won't have anything to do with it, i find it
disgusting, so that's out also. So i'v closed all shutters for
now. I know i have to go through it.
The disgust exist only becourse i can't have a body, only for
me, anymore. I still want this exclusivity of bodies rubbing
against each other for my self and it won't happen. I know it
won't becourse i gone by that, i just don't wanna know. Stupid
me.....it's holding back everything.
Something like that, i find myself poor on words
Lets not talk about this anymore, i handle this for myself in
solitarity, i can.
Sparrow flying away to safer ground, shocked about her own
boldness,
#Post#: 820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 8, 2014, 10:01 am
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I understand. Now, please name something, just one thing, that
it's not holding back.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 821--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 10:30 am
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i wish i could answer your question Jed. But i'm afraid i'v
pulled so far back in my cave as posible, so no light can reach
me there. If i have to name one thing that's not holding me
back? Its me pulling and pushing myself against the wall and
beyond. Don't know if that answers your question?
#Post#: 822--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 10:33 am
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Just read about the rapingthing in another thread. That's what i
doing, day in day out, no holding back there.
#Post#: 825--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 8, 2014, 11:06 am
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Dear Grump:
Take a chair and sit down in it, with an empty chair opposite
you. Now I want you to pretend that I am in the chair across
from you. Imagine me in any way you wish, but please be merciful
and make me reasonably good looking, a little more hair would be
nice.
I will just sit there and passively listen to you while you
explain all your problems, challenges and stuckness, whatever
you have to say you can say to me. I don't want you to hold
anything back, nothing at all and I promise I will not break any
confidences. I don't care what you did or to whom you did it. I
want you to really express yourself using your hands, face and
body. There is only one further directive. You can only use one
word, 'blah'. Repeat it all you want, but only 'blah'.
Say it with whatever expressiveness you want, but that is all
you are to utter. 'blah, blah, blah.'. No other word, and I want
you do do this until you are empty, really, really empty. But,
next comes the good part.
When you are finished, get up and change places. You become me
and speak to the old you. You, as me, provide all the solutions
sought. You are a brilliant, insightful, sensitive counsel/guru
and can provide all the answers. BUT, you too can only use
'blah, blah' and more, 'blah'.
It is imperative that you completely explain yourself when in
each position. I anticipate this should take considerable time
as there is probably quite a bit to deal with. Once done, take a
break and then.... do it again, just to make sure that
everything is cleaned up. You will probably come up with a
number of blahs as to why my suggested blahs won't result in the
blahs that you want, but that is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
This is probably going to be challenging, indeed, I hope it is.
If you are not willing to do it and follow my directive
precisely, I will ask you to leave the forum. This is not to be
taken lightly and no excuses are acceptable. This is a task and
you have been assigned it. I am assuming you are up to it. The
worst that can happen is it kills you, big deal. I gather from
your writing that you are beyond worrying about that sort of
drivel.
blah, blah, blah, blah, (Jed).
#Post#: 835--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 11:56 am
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I think i anwsered your question didn't i? Well i'm up to it,
becourse it's why i'm here.
#Post#: 838--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 8, 2014, 12:13 pm
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Excellent!
#Post#: 845--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 12:56 pm
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I was stupid enough to through myself out of the window, you
only read blablabla Jed becourse there nothing else writen but
blablablabla ect.
Just want to tell that this rape thing was near to my hart
becourse it's what woke me up. For years in my dreams there was
this group of boys hunting me down to rape me. Never understood
why that dream came up so often. But it was there time and time
again. Years later i realize it could be another life, stil
waiting to be solved. I left it there for the time being. Than
one day something, i'm not going in to deep yet, triggerd this
whole thing again in a way i never could have forseen.
There they where the boys from my past life, all shining in
ultimate love, there to help me overcome myself. I thought:"
what the hell, this is not possible ( it's retorical). Why are
they this angellike while i still crawling on the floor,
rewinding this story over and over again .it's not right
blablalblalbla. And than there was this voice:" i can do
everything with you. Your like a leave in the wind, no more.
It's you and no-one else. Your the one who's been raped but your
also the rapist. There is no-one else but you." And than
everything became clear. Nothing of this ever happend accept in
my mind. Nothing happend at all or will have been happen ever
exept in my mind ect. Than there was silence, needed to be alone
with it for a while. Blablalblalbla, before all hell broke loose
again, blalblalbla.
I'm done now, i think, hope....
Don't know yet if i will come up with a number of blahs as to
why your suggested blahs won't result in the number blahs i
want. We have to see about that during the proces. So far so
good.
Blablabla Sparrow.
#Post#: 847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 8, 2014, 1:03 pm
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Thank you Sparrow. Now, are you up to the assignment or not?
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 848--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 1:06 pm
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Yes, now i'm.
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