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#Post#: 701--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 6, 2014, 1:17 pm
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...... (Shamefull silence) I have to admit. I wasn't aware at
the time, but now i do...
#Post#: 733--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 7, 2014, 7:28 am
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Dear Jed,
So how thinks can go. There i was yesterday, a little worried
about me saying wanting to - or rather need to distroy the
universe and all in it including me ect - I have a little
historie with me speaking bold and reactions of others on it.
They were not always nice, to say it nice - thinking:" now i'v
gone to far, Jed wil through me of the forum," meanwhile there
was that soft little voice in my head saying:" don't worried,
Jed is not a **** and will recognize if he is the real deal
(sorry about that ;D)
A little in between story to clear thing up:
Some years ago someone mentioned your books in general on
another forum where i was writing at the time. Becourse of my
own experience i was curious so i ordered the trilogy, read them
an loved from beginning till the end. Never felt the need to
read the other book (notebook), i didn't know about the " theory
of everything. But now, for some bizar reason, i thought:"wy
not?" So i ordered both books at the same time.
So there was me, worried and a little afraid, begin reading
theory of everything after finishing notebook, with the result
it had me writing on the forum, leaving me worried. And there it
was: the answer written within the first 50 pages of theory of
everything:" don't worry, your seeing it right and going in the
right direction or something like that.... I have to say i love
it, i really do.
So thank you Jed for being a guiding voice in my universe.
And now futher, to speak in your voice... ;)
#Post#: 745--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 7, 2014, 9:50 am
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You know, sometimes, mayby more than sometimes, i'll be very
insecure, i wrote about it before of seeing it right and such.
I want to tell: after my little experience ect. I was very
confused about what happend to me and the reactions of others
when i came back in this world. I was also rather ignorend and
thought people would understand the situation, well they didn't.
I woke up in a nest of people who preach love but don't know
what love really means, so they through me out of there group,
leaving me standing outside of the wall screaming in desperation
and anxiety, my god i was so afraid, i can't tell. I wandered
arround for a while, like a animal who has driven by it's
parents. In the end i accepted the situation en went away.....
Stil searching for people i could talk to without them
condemning me. After a while i stumbled upon a forum, and yes
there was someone like me, i regonized him immidiatly. I signed
in on the forum, we did meet, it went wrong after that, and
there i was again, again desperate and stil very afraid. At that
time, on the same forum, there he came, this enlightend ego. I
picked on me as soon as i came in side. As confused as i was i
regonized him immidiatly. Becourse of all my confusion,
vulnerability, anxiety, he and his followers showed me every
corner of the room we were in. I couldn't do absolutly nothing
accept undergoning it and scream as loud as i could for a good
while. After a while (years) and in between i solved some
things that needed soving, and became stronger over time. And
now, so it seems, i'm done with him, thank god. This human being
can let your head spin arround like no-one else i know could. As
in a echo i'm stil stuck with anxiety and uncertainty, i take
it, it will go away futher allong the way, i'm sure.
I have to amit, there is stil a little girl in me who is seeking
attention, but do'nt worry about it, it's my problem, i need to
solve it. So i'm happy when she coming forward so i can deal
with it. I'm just telling this story to get it and some things
out of my system and don't mind if you even read it or not.
If you read this, you welcome, if not it's ok to
Love Sparrow and grumpy of course, he aint not bad at all, he's
rather loverble if you see trough ;D
#Post#: 747--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 7, 2014, 10:05 am
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Oh man, i'm reading back my previous post and there is that
voice of super-ego telling me to stop whining. Just told my
story and historie, what's wrong about that? Yeah it's stil
painfull, no doubt about that, but man give me a break will you.
<= me talking to super-ego's echo in my mind. Naging me about my
being and the wrongness in that and trying to shut me up in my
proces. My god the sort mindness of that.
#Post#: 801--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 5:17 am
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A lightballmoment for me:
It just hit me why some people accused me of lying when i tried
to talk about my experience and story that leaded to it
eventually. They said i only gave them bits and pieces, it was
not consistent and things didn't fit as they should in there
eyes. As a result of this we got stuck in the story that leaded
to everything falling apart, the dispappearance of the universe
i created, instead of going futher
The problem is i tried to create a three dimensional picture in
linear time, with people who only could think and see linear
It's like a 3D-printer. It lays one layer over the other and
not one of the layers is the same, but together it's one thing
or product. If you look at the layers as if they apart from each
other, without any relation with each other, it's logical
nothing makes any sence and lying, manupulation, seeking
atention for personal use ect., is in order instead of something
else. If you put the layers over each other in a three
dimensional picture, i'm almost sure it would have made perfect
sence. But if you can't no-one is getting any futher and madness
is popping in and it did
Do i make sence?
#Post#: 804--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 5:49 am
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i have to mention that i only talked to en with people who were
saying they knew about what they were talking about, better than
me for sure they said. That means that they were bussy with
non-dualismem and such. And i knew nothing about that. That may
be, but i was suprised they didn't recognize what i was talking
about in my own way. I was suprised they focused on the point
that was least importent. It confused me also. The mouth was
babbeling but the talk wasn't what it should have been for
people who have realized themselfs. Stupid as i mayby at least i
know one thing from the other, i need to say.
#Post#: 807--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 6:06 am
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--- Quote from: Jed McKenna link ---
>
> Always an experiment... but more about that later.
>
> Try this as a mantra if you like. To everyone and everything
you see (as much as you possibly can) ask yourself, 'How would I
know this is not me?'. Just float with any answer.
>
> Feedback welcome.
>
> Love ya, Jed.
>
--- End Quote ---
I'll come back to it later.
#Post#: 813--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 7:48 am
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--- Quote from: Jed McKenna link ---
>
> Dear Sparrow:
>
> No problem, go into hibernation. You may get something from
reading other folks post and my various responses. It's a good
idea to pretend each response was written ONLY for you, no one
else.
>
> Love ya, Jed (and each was actually written only for you,
that's not b.s.).
>
--- End Quote ---
I'd read something about this pretending thing this morning that
reminded me that this prentendingthing you wrote is nagging me
in the back of my mind the moment a read it. It's just the word
"pretend" nothing else. Where is the pretend when there is only
me talking to me?
I here you say:" you tell me."
The only pretend going on is us being separated. So there goes
the pretending thing out of the door. I don't have to
pretend......
Each respond is actually written only for me. Luckily you
corrected yourself in the end, that count for something at least
::)
So that's of my chest also :-D
#Post#: 814--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Sparrow
Date: September 8, 2014, 8:01 am
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Now pretending thing is of my chest i can sat that it was stupid
of me to agree with a saying i didn't agree on. I agree with the
writing between () after the " love ya, Jed.
So now this of my chest also, i can go on.
#Post#: 816--------------------------------------------------
Re: Grumpy and old
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 8, 2014, 8:07 am
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That's good to hear, it's off my chest too.
Love ya, Jed.
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