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       #Post#: 14335--------------------------------------------------
       Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 12:42 am
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       Hi Jed,
       I feel so bad to be back. Another crisis for myself. I can't
       stop trying to be peaceful... But I always revert to it as a
       safe bet. But I am becoming more present. But why can't I just
       go through it? Always. I can't. I'm not strong enough to.
       I have so much anger in me. I don't know if it's my own
       resentment of myself for always locking on to something.
       But I do find peace, joy ect. I am so screwed. I just want to
       be. I try. I don't try. There is no answer. I am so insane!
       Maybe I need a brain scan. I wish I could...
       I don't even know what I'm doing here.... I don't trust myself
       anymore.... There is no one answer... Maybe there is a time for
       peace, a time for action...
       #Post#: 14336--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 12:47 am
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       Sorry if that post was too long.
       I know I want to end it all sometimes, but I am a coward... I
       know I won't finish this.. I feel trapped.. then peace.. then I
       want to Break free...
       Isn't this about going through emotions, thoughts, one a time?
       I always take advice to extremes.
       Even my own advice to myself.
       I feel so screwed.
       I still deeply believe in spirituality.
       I don't know if I want to get it out of my system.
       Doing so fills me with a lot of fear and anxiety.
       #Post#: 14337--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 12:51 am
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       I say to myself, think for myself.. and thus is not wrong.. yet
       relying on it is also insane..
       Maybe I will have peaceful moments
       But I can't rely on these
       Then again..
       I don't know why I am here..
       #Post#: 14338--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 12:57 am
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       Is it possible that I suppress things? And then am afraid of
       everything that comes out?
       Jed, sorry for the multiple questions.. if there is one you'd
       like to comment on, I'm all ears.
       #Post#: 14340--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: August 25, 2015, 1:22 am
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       Dear Biggs:
       Yes... so my assignment for you is make a list of  all the
       things you suppress.. I mean all, no beating around the bush. I
       don't want to see it, it's for you. What might you learn from
       the list after you complete it.
       Ready... set... GO!
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 14342--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 3:30 am
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       Hi Jed,
       Ok, will do.
       At the moment I'm feeling more relaxed.
       I don't know what comes over me somethimes.
       I can't make any promises to stay here, or maybe I will be gone
       from here without saying good bye and thanks. Sorry. I can't
       even promise myself.
       I'm in a bit of weird place.
       Thanks again
       #Post#: 14344--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 4:27 am
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       Hi Jed,
       I have 2 questions (but really it's one), which are:
       Would you consider the process (whatever it is) a practice (a
       simple one that isn't complicated) in going through emotions,
       thoughts, life, etc?
       Or would you consider the process more of a fight for oneself in
       life? By 'fight' I mean, fighting for your sanity in whatever
       way that is for a person.
       I could clarify this more, by the person taking a more active
       part in life, wherever possible. But damn, I really don't
       believe it for myself. As there are circumstances which need
       to be felt. For instance, you could want to feel the loss of a
       person close to you, or you may need to feel anger at something
       rather than getting angry or making a decision out of anger.
       -Biggs
       #Post#: 14348--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: August 25, 2015, 9:07 am
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       Dear Biggs:
       I don't really understand your question, but if there was a goal
       it would be to simply see through illusion. No killing or
       destroying  required, just see through.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 14355--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Spiritless Worm
       Date: August 25, 2015, 5:36 pm
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       Hi Jed :)
       I think I know where you are coming from when you say that.
       Thanks.
       Another question: do you think that going through the process
       can have an effect on other people around you?
       For instance becoming more yourself may cause others to have
       certain emotions and actions towards you (for reasons I can't
       fathom).
       -Biggs
       #Post#: 14358--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Back to square one, but more insane?
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: August 25, 2015, 8:14 pm
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       Dear B:
       Obviously a big shift in you is going to have an impact on
       relationships. However, relationships are all built upon the lie
       that you are separate so I wouldn't worry about them. In the end
       you will realize you are the other and then that neither of you
       exists. It's all a dream.
       Love ya, Jed.
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