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#Post#: 900--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 9, 2014, 2:17 pm
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If the boundary is imaginary, what is there to go past???
I'm confused.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 909--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 9, 2014, 4:38 pm
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;D So am I.
That's the whole point. I don't know what's past this sense of
limitation. This sounds really silly but it FEELS like huge
cocoon keeping the whole 'world' together.
Another thing is that curiously enough it's not enclosing. I'm
not inside. It's more like looking through a gigantic fish-eye
lens. So my guess is that I'm little too fascinated and
frightened by the whole field of experience. All the while I'm
called to look what's beyond, or prior, to it all.
I don't know if this is clarifying or just further complicating
things... I'll just wait and watch what's happening.
K.
#Post#: 929--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 10, 2014, 2:42 am
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Sounds like a good plan,'
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1614--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 23, 2014, 11:32 am
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Sitting and watching…
Desire to express something comes up. What is there to express?
There is already expression everywhere. It’s bloody
omnipresent and it feels more intimate then the body used to be.
In fact this body is just an expression, like anything else.
Same stuff.
Still, it feels like an urge to say something. Hehe, just like
urge to pee and knowing that getting up and going to the loo
will happen inevitably. But just for now, to observe this, I sit
and watch the urge.
What I feel right now is urge and withholding. Slight tension
and then allowing it to flow into words. What is this
withholding?
Gone. Nothing here. Just stillness, then clicking of the
keyboard, reading the words in the language playfully remembered
not to be the mother tongue. ‚It’s not even your
mother tongue’. Who’s saying this? Where does it
come from? Where is this ‚where’?
Stillness and unwinding.
All dies. Every single moment every thing dies to itself.
Feeling touched. Urge to comment.
Gone.
Where does it come from? All expression.
Expression of what?
What is it that manifests itself as all this?
Urge gone, now the receptivity emerges. Like listening and
receiving. Like being all this and being aware of it. Beingness
aware of itself. Out of nothing. Nothing?
Gone.
Nothing to say. Just being.
Thoughts passing by… Urge to come up with a
question… Yep, definitely urge to formulate a question.
About what? What needs clarification? Come on!
Stupid grin. This is no place of questions. Here all questions
die.
Question… There must be a question.
Where is the toilet?
Jed, where is the toilet?
;D
[Edit] Is it amusing? Maybe.
I just seem to be unable to come up with a relevant question
right now. Or an issue needing clarification. All I perceive is
some mild stress of having nothing to grasp or understand. C'est
ca.
Just keep watching it. [/Edit]
#Post#: 1623--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 23, 2014, 4:40 pm
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This is IT. This is all there is. Right this. Whatever this is.
New born and dying at once. Not even that.
Strange, strange paradox.
I recall hearing it so many times. Recall? Just making up the
sound-picture called memory, right now.
Anyways, just here, in front of my stupid grin (I suppose). I
can't even recall it not being IT. But then again, I'm making up
this memory as well.
Geeees, the time has collapsed or something. Only THIS, ever.
;D
Stunned. Nothing more to say.
Except: THIS is what I AM.
#Post#: 1710--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 25, 2014, 5:56 pm
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Dear Jed,
The so called humanity gets washed out. The mind isn't minding -
objecting - as it's still too stunned to reassert itself,
whatever that may be.
The body's falling apart. It sounds like a gross, cheap horror
but it's even better: price-less. I sometimes read people wonder
about sex and such and can't help but giggle wildely. Utterly
meaningless as the importance of this idea seems gone.
Just streaming aliveness...
I do have a question though. When watching apearances -
sensations and thoughts - it seems that it's all the same
'stuff', same 'substance'. Intangible but observable, elusive
and 'morphing'. I don't quite know how to say this. The subtle
sense of touch kind of detects this but it's not really a sense.
All apearances seem to be an expression - for the lack of a
better word - or temporary form of infinite beingness, just like
the waves of ocean. Anyway, when you say it's an illusion do you
mean its non-existence as itself (illusive separate existence)?
Or is it even an illusion to take the utterly substanceless
beingness for the source of appearances? I'm very sorry for
these strange sentences, it sounds like gibberish but it's just
impossible to even put it in words... Thinking kicks in and
obscures clarity, that's all.
Thnx, K
#Post#: 1716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 25, 2014, 11:16 pm
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That's the frustration with using language. It's the biggest
mechanism for maintaining duality. I am led to believe that the
Hopi indians had no word for 'I'. Could be b.s., but it sounds
darn good. Imagine a conversation without the use of 'I'.
You have phrased you questions well, for something that is just
about impossible to ask. The illusion has no source, that's what
unravel, the illusion creating illusion. That's not the best
answer, but the best I can come up with in this illusory moment.
As a number of forum members are experiencing, a good indicator
on the path is the feeling that you are a fraud. Then you will
realize that it's all a fraud. No one is authentic and probably
the closest one could ever get to authentic is to shut up and
never speak again. Some folk have actually done that.
love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1742--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 26, 2014, 3:27 am
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Dear Jed,
Thanks for that. No source, huh? Alright I’ll chew on this
for a while and won’t mind using language :)
About a fraud: that’s precisely what’s happening.
Earlier I wrote that all there is to 'me' is just a bunch of
representations, serving as a proxy, eh, identity in the same
way as all mental representations of so called 'everything
else'. It’s all the same, no difference between the images
of 'me' or 'keyboard', or 'illusion' for that matter.
The point is, there is an Am-ness that cannot be disposed of.
It’s utterly unfindable though but only to the thought. So
I have no problem being. The problem is, as it becomes visible
thru this writing process, attempt to connect what’s NOT
with what just IS. And all it produces is just a… mental
image of a relation! Which of course cannot be.
Back to beingness.
The moment the observation kicks in, the 'stuff' observed can
only be elusive because all the qualities or attributes ascribed
to 'it' are not 'it'. 'It' is indescribable and undetectable for
the thought and besides cannot even be expressed as 'it'.
I guess I’m just fooled by old buddhist Form is emptiness,
emptiness is form because I have no key to let the second half
of it to sink in. That’s the whole point. How can utter
nothingness/formlessness be found in a fraud called form?
Walking circles here.
Sincerely, K.
#Post#: 1765--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 26, 2014, 5:29 pm
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Dear Jed,
What strucks me right now is that this is a totally pointless
chase. :o From the point of view of trying to discover
something, that is. The discovery consist of a long series of
mistaken notions now seen for what they aren't so it's not
really an achievement, is it? To uncover the non-existence can
hardly be rewarded, so no glory!
It has also zero, eh, 'practical' benefits. :o Except maybe for
infinite choice of imaginary possibilities. Okay I'll grant you
that one.
But here it comes and I have to admit that I'm stretching a bit,
alright maybe a lot, here because it's like a tiny glimpse of
daylight instead of full sunlight. From the TR point of view
this is not only a pointless tail chase but ... the case of tail
wagging the dog. And therefore I have it all backwards. How can
an illusion ever find or realize truth? Utterly impossible
undertaking.
Okay, okay, relax. I remember (or make it up right now) that you
once said that from realizing non-separateness there is only a
small step to TR. Small step like, say, imaginary landing on the
imaginary moon, is nothing compared to this. But then again
maybe it's a very good parallel as it would take just as
non-existent self to see thru its own non-existence. Hm, what
the hell ??? It's all backwards again. Wrong approach.
So back to non-separateness. Within the direct experience it
shows itself as undividedness. I and what I experience (sense
and think) are all the same, or better said: I = all
experiencing. Not in the sense of ownership but functioning. If
I = all experiencing and experiencing is all illusion, then I =
utter illusion too, bunch of lies and that includes everything,
all of it. The truth of what I really am is therefore not to be
found within the field of illusory experiencing. Ruled out!
My sense here is that both I and experiencing needs to be
dropped. Precisely opposite 'direction'. But how?
The question Jed: what/who realizes there is no self? And how?
Thnx, K.
#Post#: 1777--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 27, 2014, 7:40 am
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Ask and ye shall receive, but not from me, from you.
Love ya. Jed.
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