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#Post#: 334--------------------------------------------------
Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 1, 2014, 6:08 pm
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hi Jed,
This is my attempt to expose myself after some e-mails and
previous forum posts. The difference would be that there will be
no more hidden approval requests and attempts to get anyone's
sympathy. Cannot afford this kind of thing anymore.
So let's cut to the chase.
It's surrender time. The decision to roll over came a couple of
weeks ago when I realized that life is making it clear to me
that:
a. it has a will of its own
b. I'm often in odds with it
c. no matter what I do, I can't change it and
d. I can't even truly know what is good for me so what's the
point trying to make life go 'my way'.
It looks pretty silly when I put it like this but it's been a
huge, long struggle but the message finally sunk in: I'm not in
charge, never was, never will be. Things are the way they are,
and all is well before I go approving, commenting or wishing
otherwise.
Since the precise moment of rolling over and making my intention
clear to the universe there is an incredible focus going on.
Before I would just randomly pick at some identity layers. Now,
I’m being presented with very precise issues to pick
apart. As I'm not controlling this unraveling anymore I notice a
sort of coordination going on within the body/mind. I would
never guessed it possible but now the body functions as a kinda
lie-alarm: all dishonesty or avoiding are immediately reported
by discomfort in my body. Surrender means listening and waiting
for clues rather then making up an identification issue to
destroy. So I patiently wait for the precise issue to formulate
in my mind. All kinds of unrelated or similar thoughts, stories
and justifications often get in the way but recognizing them as
such seems much easier.
I know how it's gonna sound but I seem to get assistance from
innate intelligence. Every single time a thought construct gets
destroyed 'I' merge into 'being' which alleviates all sense of
division. The capacity to discern doesn't end with it but
separateness does. Until the next thought construct comes along
which is pretty fast.
Now, as my intention is to get to the absolute truth of being,
every time I merge into being there arises a single yet
unanswered question: where do I (being) originate? It's a common
denominator of all the inquiry.
It kinda confuses me, because it sounds like very important key
and yet it feels way out of reach. It's important to say that
the question just popped up and wasn't manufactured in that
little brain of mine. So it seems like I'm being pulled in
certain direction which my ego finds unsatisfying.
Jed, I don't expect you to answer that question, I wouldn't even
want it. I'd just like to know if it can be trusted to be the
right question at all. Somehow I know that this process is to be
trusted but as I have fooled myself often enough I'd like a
check of direction.
thnx, Kasia
PS Do you really want me to resumé my spiritual career for you?
::)
#Post#: 348--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 2, 2014, 12:15 am
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Hi Kasia:
I read you writing and I confess that I am a little confused. Do
you have a specific question for me. Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 358--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 2, 2014, 2:38 am
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Yeah Jed, Thanks for the focus :)
I do have a specific question: What is the nature of the spell
am I operating under (that makes me fall into separation)?
What's bugging the otherwise perfect state of affairs?
Maya as answer doesn;t help as to me it's just another concept.
Thnx
#Post#: 365--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 2, 2014, 5:13 am
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Hi there:
Answer is very, very simple, only one person/thing/thought is
behind your confusion. The fact you 'think' there is a you.
Simple. Let it go. Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 3, 2014, 3:16 am
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hi Jed,
Thanks for running your anti-virus prog on 'me' ;D It was about
time.
In fact, it's still doing its job. I'll watch what happens over
the next couple of days and will come back to you on this. For
now:
roger
wilco (on 'let it go' part)
over
#Post#: 426--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 3, 2014, 3:34 am
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Good stuff. I suggest intense pursuit followed by allowing and
relaxing, then intense pursuit.
I look forward to hearing back from you. Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 553--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 4, 2014, 4:28 pm
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Jed,
It took me a whole day to realize that your suggestion was meant
to be taken literally! Oh dear, did I feel that pursuit in all
the cells of this body. Only when I was sick (literally) from
giving it a try did I realize what it was I was doing.
Of course, it's out of the question that any trace of 'me' can
be found. This concept functions just by proxy and I wish I
could explain it better (to myself mostly). There are many -
delusional - representations I take for 'me' but it all has
nothing to do with what I am. Totally different dimension. Of
paradigm.
But what CAN be found is the massive resistance to the simple
fact of being. And the stupid thing is that allowing it and
taking it all in (surrender) serves as a clear illustration of
how segregation and integration work! On the top of it, the
habit of using totally wrong muscle is continuously sending me
in the wrong direction: by attempt to understand and know
anything I'm just pumping energy into resisting what already
effortlessly IS. :o I guess I'm starting to get what clear
seeing is all about.
What's puzzling me right now is how easy it is to experience the
absence of 'me' and how challenging it is to acknowledge being
based in the totality of being. It's overwhelming for now. I
guess I should pay more attention the the relaxing part of your
suggestion :)
Just wanted to report this back, now off to wasting energy on
some stupid pursuit just to train new muscles! Just kiddin'
K.
#Post#: 569--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 5, 2014, 2:47 am
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Dear S:
Just relax into your current beingness and enjoy. Get back to me
only if you feel inclined.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 658--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 6, 2014, 3:01 am
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hi Jed,
Oh yes, I feel inclined, alright :) Like a toddler who's just
seen a strange bug and runs back to report it. Maybe I should
restrain this urge but I don't so here I am.
Disengagement from seeking and emmersion in beingness give a
much better outlook on things. From here other stuff becomes
visible. I'm suddenly shown one particular part of the mechanism
of being drawn into concepts. I call it Making Sense program.
Maybe it's by the way of contrast that its presence is visible
because right now I am simultaneously happily emmersed in
not-knowing and wondering about the workings of this
comprehension program: the urge to understand and know all that
is not-me. Comprehension like in inclusion and digestion which
of course never happens because the only thing that gets gained
and incorporated is the concept: the
explanation/story/justification/whatever other taste.
This seems to happen based on some primal need to survive, and
as I look at this while writing I only now see that this program
is driven by fear derived from the segregated attitude. I even
can feel the fear motivating this urge to clearly see what it is
I'm looking at, how strange. And how unnecessary! It seems I'm
running my own OS Spring Cleaner ;D
Anyway, just stop making sense!
All the above doesn't mean that concepts have no place at all.
But it's time to see where they're NOT in place. And right now
I'm in the business of going further and have no use for
sticking to this kind of fabrications.
End of rant. No questions yet, maybe later.
Thnx, K.
#Post#: 895--------------------------------------------------
Re: Surrender
DIR By: SEE
Date: September 9, 2014, 1:34 pm
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Dear Jed,
First re: your experiment 'How would I know this is not me?'
The funny answer that came up was: 'I would have to become it'.
This doesn't make much sense but it's perfectly clear. The only
way to know what something is, is by being it. ::) Smart-ass...
Ok, now a bit of report. Expanding calls for a slight
adjustment. Right now I'm bugged by a sense of limitation. Not
real sense but a sort of mental fence people sometimes use for
trained horses. You know, a stroke on the ground and they won't
pass. This limitation nearly equals the edge of perception. I'm
all I'm experiencing, or close enough. But paralised to 'go' any
further. Maybe it's too fast and things are being rushed
unnecessarily But maybe I'm overlooking something very simple.
Anyway, this situation reminds me of the elevator scene in Guy
Ritchie's Revolver. But instead of 'Who takes care of good
times, Jake?' I'm hearing 'Who's gonna keep it all together,
huh?'. So I gather the worst possible thing that can happen is
total, utter falling apart. APART! How ridiculous can it get?
And still, it's kinda immobilizing. Somehow I believe in
limitation which is not there.
Question: how to go past imaginary boundry?
Thanks, K.
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