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#Post#: 10303--------------------------------------------------
Did I Take the First Step?
DIR By: cielo
Date: March 19, 2015, 8:02 am
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No one can know if I have taken the first step. Possibly not
even "Me."
But here are some clues that might give either a huge or low
possibility hint if I have or not.
Clues:
*There is realization that there is the appearance of a "me"
that is rooted in thoughts and conditioning that runs deep. And
there is an awareness watching everything. This awareness is
completely detached and at peace.
*Through cutting through beliefs, I am highly open to the
possibility that the "me" is a fraud and doesn't exist outside
of thoughts cooked up in the mind.
*I was a part of a truth seeking group that I called my own BS
on and saw how my mind attached to the people and new doctrine.
I saw that the mind turned it into another religion and that it
wanted to be someone special and important. I left this group
and more importantly, left the doctrine behind and realized
(after 1.5 years) that no one can help me see who I am. I have
to find out for myself. This is when I started over everything
and realized I didn't really do anything.
*All the negative (and positive) beliefs about my character,
seem to not affect emotionally like it used to. The word "maybe"
tends to come to mind when attributing traits or beliefs. Though
I notice how the ego loves to latch on to negative traits more.
*Doctrines don't prevail like they used to. The primary question
I ask is "Who Am I?"
*There was a shocking and painful realization that I chose to
feel a negative emotion or belief, or rather attach to it. And
that I am not a victim in life.
*There is more and more of a lost of interest in worldly and
life regarding events happening.
*When I see people, I see something that I call myself in them.
So, while the mind continues to judge events, people, etc, I
don't identify with it because of the ridiculousness of judging
someone that is pretty much just like you.
*I don't trust this mind anymore like before.
*When people shove their limited beliefs about life (i.e. you
have to work hard everyday to make money to survive and be
worthy of a vacation) , I no longer feel guilt and often may
think "F*ck that."
*There appears to be a more settled, peace in me. I don't have
that intense anger for my family or bitterness about missing out
in life.
*"I" don't fear thoughts as much as before. I let them run wild.
*I'm at the stage where I stopped doing intellectual gymnastics
because I saw that it lead me no where. And even if it did,
there was no evidence to prove it. No solution manual where I
knew it was true, so what's the point? It seems that the only
thing that is left is this who am I question. And that there is
not a spiritual search like before, but just wanting to know
what's true.
From my previously wining, embarrassing silly, bitching, super
negative or positive at times ego, this seems to be a huge
difference, considering no effort went into maintaining it. Or,
that it's not fleeting.
#Post#: 10309--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I Take the First Step?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: March 19, 2015, 11:02 am
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Dear Cielo:
I believe you have two threads going. Please just use one and
that is our conversation. Keep posting in that on thread only.
Always less that 250 words.
Thanks.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 10317--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I Take the First Step?
DIR By: cielo
Date: March 19, 2015, 11:22 am
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Please feel free to delete this thread.
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