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#Post#: 10267--------------------------------------------------
Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: zenseless
Date: March 18, 2015, 6:56 pm
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Losing my affection for persons I dearly love, foremost my
little son appears heartbreaking and scary. So I really looked
at my intention for doing so. Honestly, I don't know- just the
deep feeling I must do that. I must follow this path til the
end. Two things concerning this:
-I remember a moment in my early childhood, when I was sucked
violently into this world. I still recall the physical/mental
sensations. Maybe best described as an inverse earthquake. Can't
remember anything before this. When that happened I instantly
felt „me“ as separate from „the world“.
-I talked about relative and absolute with my son (11).
Children are great teachers. I told him about my heartbreak that
the journey leads to the other side of the fence, separating us.
This incredibly wise kid replied: „ No - we will never be
separated, for that is absolutely impossible. When someday I am
fed-up with this rollercoaster life, you´ll need to tell me
exactly how to get to the other side!“
Yesterday I questioned you, Jed, obstacles and awakening itself.
This resulted in a fainting-like state. It felt cold, shaky,
dark, free. I had an insight of what „form is emptiness,
emptiness is form“ really means: Nothingness is the source of
everything, making everything essentially being nothing. I
didn't freak/bliss out but got up eventually and made myself a
sandwich. While eating I had to laugh stupidly, thinking this
may be nothing, but tastes good anyway.
Still, there are obstacles. Like my mind/ego trying to
understand how one could possibly „have“ abiding non-dual
awareness. Non-sense, I know. But doesn't keep my mind/ego from
grasping...
#Post#: 10275--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: March 19, 2015, 2:03 am
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Dear Z:
If you could think your way there, them most people would be
''enlightened'''. If it was about intellect then certainly all
university profs would be there. If it was difficult then more
people would be T/R, but the problem is it's right here and now
and it's the simplest thing in the '''world''. Simple but not
easy.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 10288--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: zenseless
Date: March 19, 2015, 3:18 am
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Thank you, Jed, for being so much to the point!
Some hours before reading your reply, I gave "looking at the
looking" or "observing the observer" or how ever you may put it
another try. Indeed: Simple, maybe- easy, no way! Gives me a
feeling of the dog chasing its own tail- or like when you "fold"
socks- but being the socks and the folding at the same time. I
was stopped by a thought asking s.th. like: "Who is the chasing
of the chasing of the chasing the dog?"
or more precise: I saw something like an animated movie in my
mind- a guy climbing stairs, higher and higher, reaching a kind
of rooftop, opening a door at the ceiling- and exiting the top
of the head of his own bigger version, to start all over again,
climbing stairways and so on. Infinite loop.
aaargh. Felt so desperate then- will this ever stop??? What the
hell made me think I could succeed in this?How
naive/stupid/insert s.th. have I been? Am I right now?
Makes me want to smash my head against a wall but at the same
time incredibly funny. :-\
#Post#: 10293--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: March 19, 2015, 4:26 am
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:D
#Post#: 10299--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: zenseless
Date: March 19, 2015, 7:06 am
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Things are accelerating. :o
Had to wait in line at the job center for quite a while and was
amazed by all those different appearances nothingness takes- all
those puppets acting out their roles. Then it occurred to me I
was not any other than a puppet myself. Suddenly things, people,
me everything became open,transparent. Like everything,
including little me being inside a bubble that is fueled from
the nothingness that surrounds it. I got quite dizzy for some
moments- feeling seasick/nauseated.
Question: Is it a common part of the process to experience such
signs of physical sickness?
Funny supplement:
On my way back I came across an advertising poster, showing an
alien reading a book, caption: " Do we all dream under the same
sky?"
;D
#Post#: 10313--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: March 19, 2015, 11:07 am
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It's nothing special.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 10316--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: zenseless
Date: March 19, 2015, 11:14 am
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Thanks!
:-*
#Post#: 10331--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: zenseless
Date: March 19, 2015, 7:26 pm
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What a ride today.
My mind exploded with creative and funny bursts. I giggled from
time to time and just let it do, whatever it wanted to do
without getting sucked into it.
I felt so free and unattached that for instance I could
"deliberately chose" to be in full-love mode fooling around with
my son. He reflected all the lightness, love and fun right back
onto me. We had a great time. No pressure or feeling of
fulfilling my "duty" behind. Just for the pure delight. Kissing
him felt like kissing me at the same time (not that I would know
how this would feel like, but maybe you get the point).
Meanwhile I found myself in various situations losing grip, like
water leaking out a bathtube.
No opinion on this, less grief concerning that, no motivation to
put someone else "back on track" despite the clear notion that I
almost certainly would have done that just few days ago.
Self-emptying, ego running tired.
Anyway, there is much more work to do. Today was a little
reward. Enjoyed the view. Took a picture. Tomorrow: Further!
E.g. the putting someone back on track issue:
Despite the lack of energy to follow the impulse, the impulse
was there. The impulse of course is based on the idea I am
"right" and the other is not. Contemplating on this, ego would
agree that both of us can't be right because its just opinions.
But, ego insists, I am a bit less wrong than the other. ::)
#Post#: 10340--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: March 19, 2015, 10:03 pm
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Stick with it.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 10357--------------------------------------------------
Re: Travelling nowhere to get nothing
DIR By: zenseless
Date: March 20, 2015, 7:31 am
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I will!
Thanks for the encouragement, Jed. :)
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