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#Post#: 5896--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 7, 2014, 4:20 am
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simple but perfect advice, to get past my stone in the road i
just had to relax for a moment instead of rack my thoughts for
an answer i just had to relax and see my thought process as it
is, an imaginary thought although im still linking the thoughts
ti some emotions and that must be whats keeping me grounded as
ego. but then im identifying with this thought process. wow
theres actually alot of poopoo in my head.
#Post#: 5909--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 7, 2014, 12:47 pm
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i find it very hard to get myself to do things these days. i
feel i should be doing something but i cant figure out what. i
always get into these lazy, do nothing mindsets where i feel
kinda lost and empty and then i see things clearly and in no
time im lost again. no idea where im going with all this and i
dont know if im even making any progress. you say in your book
that you should be able to look back and see how far youve come
and see all the bs youve discarded but i cant see anything that
ive achieved. theres literally nothing to show for myself but
theres still a me. i dont know what me is but theres this
really strong belief that if i dont look after me there will be
chaos and ill just end up at Rock bottom.
am i wasting my time jed?
i dont know if it's easy to tell from your end of things
exactly what's going on in my mind but I've tried to explain.
#Post#: 5911--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 7, 2014, 1:11 pm
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how can there not be a me, how else would this be typed? i am
the one making this typing happen, i cant get my head around it.
if i had an explanation for why i didnt exist would that even
make me think that i didnt exist because that explanation would
leave a product. it would leave a belief and beliefs determine
how we think not what we see. so how the fuck am i supposed to
see what im already seeing. i know its supposed to be simple but
its really not jumping out at me. you say theres no me but how
can that be true. i cant comprehend it, i dont see me as my
beliefs and my hobbys or any of that. i see me as every stream
of thought that i believe to be me.
finding it hard to cope with the logical mind, is there even any
logic to it because im pretty sure i contradicted myself a few
times there.
#Post#: 5913--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 7, 2014, 1:20 pm
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i get quite anxious when i start doing spiritual autolyis(if
thats what im doing) because i just feel like i know nothing.
after reading a small amount of books on TR i had a good
intellectual grasp on what it is and i can say that i want it
but tbh i dont know if its even what im looking for. I want to
be involved in effortless flow of experience. thats really my
goal. ive experienced this before where things are just clear
and non threatening. where theres nothing to lose, i want to
enjoy living and not be restricted by "me".
#Post#: 5949--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 8, 2014, 3:23 pm
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ive never known if i really want enlightenment i mean i dont
even know what its lile to be enlightened. i hope it to be
better than my current living, be more effortless, carefree
and flowing. i want to really live and experience real life.
by real life i mean whats actually real. i dont however want it
so bad that id go downstairs and shoot everyone in my family.
ive felt pushed towards enlightenment before but ive never been
pushed so far that the ball has kept rolling. i get pushed into
a corner i escape the corner by autolysis and than im left back
to stationary mode. its when im in bad situations that i can
rise above but only for so long, once i rise above something(
see it for what it is) i chill out and revert back to ordinary
sleep mode. is there any way to actually just plow the f**k
through it without making so many stops? any way to get the
same push that i get in bad situations into my good situations,
because when im happy i dont want anything that bad.
#Post#: 6056--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 10, 2014, 9:45 am
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Got it, now further.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6063--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 10, 2014, 10:08 am
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What exactly is the first Step Jed?
#Post#: 6070--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 10, 2014, 10:40 am
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Let's keep it simple. You showed up here... we could call that
the first step.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6194--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 11, 2014, 1:49 pm
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feel like im seeing through a load of bullshit for the first
time in a long while
#Post#: 6195--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zade
DIR By: Plugturtle
Date: December 11, 2014, 1:56 pm
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i can now attempt to view experience as it is without overlayed
beliefs. still alot of identification happening but i can enter
this more authentic view where there is experience or
consciousness as it is and if a thought arises and i see it for
what it is and i can remain in this way for a short while but im
still here note and those moments don't last nearly as long as
normal me is operating .
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