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       #Post#: 38192--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: Jed McKenna Date: May 23, 2019, 4:36 am
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       That's more of a whine than a post, but you situation in very
       common. Most folks don't really want this. I understand.
       Love ya, Jed
       #Post#: 38197--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: bjoern Date: May 23, 2019, 9:33 am
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       Jesus...youre right.
       First i felt extremly offended and i took a while. But i knew it
       was true. It was full of whining.
       After posting it, i felt a little bit ashamed cause i knew it
       sounds so (and it was so). But at that time i needed to write
       it.
       Thanks for your straight honesty.
       #Post#: 38202--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: Jed McKenna Date: May 24, 2019, 10:35 am
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       More on the way. You are not nearly as unique as you think you
       are. Humans are surprisingly identical in many ways.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 38306--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: bjoern Date: June 3, 2019, 7:22 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Okay, i agree with that.
       I agree that im not unique, special or even highly interessting.
       Its just this point of view from this body that made up a
       feeling of being unique, special or interessting, right?
       So from my point of view, lets say my neighbour is not as
       important as me (as an example). BUT from his point of view, its
       the other way around. Because it all depends on where lets say
       the awareness is looking, hearing...from.
       Its like hearing the words money, health, girlfriend and
       car...all pretty neutral. But when someone add the word "my" in
       front of them, it made a HUGE difference. So i dont really care
       about money, health, girlfriends and cars...but i am highly
       interessted in MY money, MY health, MY girlfriend and MY car.
       Its pretty curious how this little word "my" or this sense of
       "me" based on my point of view from this body changes
       everything.
       Im not unique or special, but i think i am because i sense the
       world from this angle.
       #Post#: 38332--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: bjoern Date: June 6, 2019, 4:41 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Hello.
       Theres a video from Alan Watts (doenst really matter from who it
       is), where hes asking: "If your father has met another woman,
       would you be there?" And the answer was "Of course you would,
       but as somebody else".
       I contemplate about this since then, but as soon as i heard that
       i "knew" it was true. There was a feeling of "yes, it cant be
       different". Of course "I" would be there, but as another person
       in another body with different
       ideas, likes and dislikes. Nothing one choosed, it would be just
       as i is without any better/worse, right/wrong or even a knowing
       of a reason.
       That mean, that EVERYONE is the same. In every body theres the
       same feeling of "me", cause there is only "me". I dont mean "me"
       as the personality, the idea of a seperate self...i mean the
       thing which is seeing, feeling, tasting through everyones
       senses...that something which is perceiving the world.
       Therefore this isnt a conversation between you and me, its a
       conversation between me and me. Whats animating this body, this
       person called Björn here, is the same whatsoever which is
       animating everyone and everything in this world. This "me" is
       "in" my girlfriend, my mother and friends. This "me" is Donald
       Trump and Mahatma Ghandi.
       And what "i am" can never ever be found, right? I can find and
       study this person, the world, the universe with all in it. But i
       will never never never find myself or even find out what i
       really am.
       As soon as i find something, its an object found by an subject.
       I can never point to what i really am because in that moment,
       there would be two things: Something thats perceiving and
       something thats perceived.
       #Post#: 38334--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: Jed McKenna Date: June 6, 2019, 5:32 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Very good explanation, yes, you cannot know what you are, but
       you can know that some ''is'' and that is all that ''is''. It's
       more of a realization than a knowing. Stick with your current
       path, inquiry and thoughts about non-thoughts.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 38350--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: bjoern Date: June 8, 2019, 5:12 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       This post is primarily for me getting thoughts out of my mind. I
       just could write it on a paper and throw it away, but here it
       felt more "important" to choose the right words cause there will
       be an reaction. I dont know if this makes sense, it just felt
       this way. Farther it helped me alot to write in english so i
       have to think about the words i use more than just spamming in
       german. Its kind of a method to get clear about what im mentally
       enganged with at the moment.
       While sitting here on my chair i caught myself waiting for
       something to happen. This happens nearly all the time a soon as
       theres a looking for "it". Like "Okay, everything's just
       happening. There isnt anything else. No somewhere else but here,
       no another time but now. Nothing could be different but
       this...". And while my attention circles around this thoughts
       there is always a "wait-and-see attitude". And thats total
       illogical. There cant be "just this" and a waiting for something
       to happen at the same time. Well, okay. It can be cause it
       happens. This "wait-and-see attitude" is also a part of whats
       happening  :-\ . Confusing!
       Theres always a part here whos waiting for something to happen.
       But it feels like this part is getting smaller by just relaxing
       in "what is". As more as theres an "acceptance" of what is, the
       more this little voice gets quieter. Acceptance isnt the best
       word cause it sounds like there is someone or -thing who accept
       another thing. Language is really restricted, no matter of its
       origin.
       Edit: Acceptance is REALLY not the word i was looking for. This
       cant be or doesnt need to be accepted, because it is already. No
       need for acceptance.
       What arrogance to mean that "this" needs to be accepted!
       #Post#: 38351--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: Jed McKenna Date: June 8, 2019, 6:38 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       In a similar sense to ''it's all illusion'', one could also say
       ''it's all arrogance'' as well... we humans are sooooo
       presumptuous.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 38389--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: bjoern Date: June 12, 2019, 2:14 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Hello.
       Yesterday evening i was laying on my bed while my thoughts
       circles around some questions.
       It began with this "What will my next thought be?" which led to
       the recognition that i have no idea. Thoughts just coming from
       nowhere and going back there like everything else. I compare
       thoughts with the singing of birds near my windows, they sang
       the whole day through: Theres silence, than theres singing
       (different sounds and melodys) and when it ends theres silence
       again. Its an appearing and disappearing in "my" awareness. No
       control about their singing, no knowing when they start and end.
       Just a regocnition of something going on which my mind label as
       "birds singing".
       After a while my thoughts going to this "cant find myself
       because i am that", "will never know who i am because there
       would be two" and so on. And suddenly, there was...like a pause,
       a stop. It was obvious that i am already what i am. Theres no
       need to reach what i am, its impossible. No need to add
       something, because i am already what i am. The only thing which
       could drag me away (and even thats sounds impossible) is when im
       looking for what i am - as i am.
       So, for lets say two hours (if time matters) there was a stop in
       my mind and a recognition that this "here", is what i am. Whats
       going on here and now (and here and now is too much, because it
       isnt really here and now, its just THIS) is what...i am, is what
       is.
       I walked up on down, slowly and curious. There was just walking,
       seeing and hearing. Looked at my feed, a plant in my
       bathroom...it all looked..i dont now, clear? I dont want to
       sound like a hippy. It wasnt really special, no happiness or
       anything like that...it felt just...simple and clear without my
       mind talking all the time. There was walking without thoughts
       about that, looking at the plant without saying "thats a plant!"
       After that i sat on my floor just looking around...it was quit,
       in my mind without doing something for it. It was just this,
       here.
       And after a while i "heard" that the thoughtsystem start anew.
       It began with "Is this it?", "Is this what i was looking for?"
       and stuff like this. It was a feeling of "beging" on the one
       side and thinking about that being on the otherside.
       This morning, theres still a...sense left of what was going on,
       whatever that was. But the thought system is back in the sattle
       and trys to think about what was going on and to "reach" that
       whatever again. "Okay, i got that yesterday. If i doing just
       like this or that, i can reach that again".
       Is it possible that the mind or ego trys to stay alive through
       thoughts like that? And that i will took a while and more of
       "this states of being" to erase the identification totally?
       Im not interessted in evaporating experiences, so please tell me
       if what i have explained there was a waste of time.
       #Post#: 38390--------------------------------------------------
       Re: bjoern
       By: Jed McKenna Date: June 12, 2019, 4:36 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       It's only a waste or time, and a serious waste at that if you
       invest in trying to recreate it. Anything that comes eventually
       goes, so what? Really, so what. I strongly suggest you ignore
       your experiences and just return to awareness and deep
       breathing.. without expectations or analysis. Should T/R be
       realized you will understand what a non-experienced experience
       is all about.
       Love ya, Jed.
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