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#Post#: 171--------------------------------------------------
bjoern
By: bjoern Date: August 30, 2014, 5:03 am
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good morning,
im from germany, so if my english here isnt readable, please
tell me and i will try to express myself better.
i read your first book 10 years ago, since then, everything
was...a little diffrent. there is always this..thought/feeling ,
that there is something i dont see or dont understand.
since then there is this uncomfortable emotion, that i miss
something that is right infront of me and im to blind to see it.
im kinda afraid, that if im dying, this one thought will be my
last thought: that i miss something in my life.
if there is one thing in your books that really marked me, i
would be the whole death part in your third book.
everything else is fine, of course...but it all doenst matter at
deaths door. i will die, maybe today, tomorrow or in 50
years...doenst matter.
and heres my problem: i know that. i know, that im going to die,
maybe in one hour when im outside, driving to my moms house to
drink a god damn coffee. sunday, the 30th august, 1pm, bleeding
on the stress of emden, germany because a 19year old fucker
wanted to impress his new girlfriend with his fast car and didnt
see me coming with the bike...end of my story, for no reason.
so, tell me...why im still sitting on my chair infront of my
computer, kinda sleeping through the day, through my whole life
although i know this could be my last day?
it sounds so easy to wake up.....just open your eys, asshole!
youre going to die!
but everyday i feel so sluggish and tired, like im asleep and
all of this is just a dream (whoa!)
im pray for death experience, and i want them everyday, every
minute until im awake and can say: yes, thats it!
ps: i never posted in forums before, so apologize if all of this
look a littlebit weird.
greetings,
bjoern
#Post#: 173--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 30, 2014, 5:30 am
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Thank you for sharing bjoern: Your English is fine and my German
stinks.
I sense that you are avoiding living due to this fear of death
thing. I suggest contemplating if you were ever really born. If
so, what was it that was born? Don't expect and answer from this
as it's more the question itself which is the answer. What would
die if there were such a thing? Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2925--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: October 16, 2014, 12:00 am
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i wouldnt say that im afraid of my own death, im more afraid
that im never really alive.
yesterday i read a post from göran backlund about "navigating
the dreamstate". its about letting things happen instead of
force things to happen. more about doing things someone WANTS to
do instead of doing things someone SHOULD do.
and thats exactly what im looking for...a life without worries,
fears, hours of thinking before i finally asleep. just waking up
and know, thats all good...in a smoothe, flowing way.
i quitted my crap job exactly one hour ago, i hated that job,
everyday, every second, i couldnt be there anymore, not even a
second. maybe it was a big mistake, maybe not. all that i know
is, that im feeling a littlebit..lighter. something dropped, and
it feels good.
at the end a question: im more interessted in human adulthood
than enlightenment. i want to live my life, not drop out of it.
am i at the right place? or is this forum only for enlightenment
stuff without any exception
#Post#: 4571--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: November 13, 2014, 8:06 am
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hey,
you was right.
i was avoiding living due to my fear of all this death-crap.
first i didnt understood you. i thought im not feared because i
thinking about this stuff day in day out. but yesterday i
realized, that im really feared of living, feared of making
wrong decisions, feared of not live my life as i should do or
something else. the problem, the whole time, was, that i was
thinking and thinkg and thinking..and that exactly made me
unable to live. the problem was me, my thoughts, the whole
fucking time, it was an doom loop.
thanks for that.
btw this is more for me, to right something down someone can
read so i have to think about what im typin. im not lookin for
an answer right now, just wanna clear out my head a little bit.
#Post#: 4572--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: November 13, 2014, 8:23 am
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read your thread of "jed, on the offense about defense".
re-read my last post and counted the i's, the word for
myself...18 fucking times.
i wrote a little text with 18 times"I" in it.
when i read my post i only see....i think, i have, i thought, i
will, just for me, me me...holy shit.
if the "I am" is the problem, how can that "I" ask a question or
write something down when its all start with that "I"? wich is
the problem.
#Post#: 4574--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: Jed McKenna Date: November 13, 2014, 8:33 am
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It's not easy doing without 'I'. For fun you can say, 'He is
wondering if you are happy', or 'There is wondering here about
your a happiness'. 'Something in this guy is sad'. It can be
done. 'I' in language is just a lazy convention.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4597--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: November 14, 2014, 2:15 am
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thats pretty impressive because it seems that everything i read
before points at this 'theres no 'I'': your question if 'I' were
ever really born and when so, whats that exactly (and i read
that in an other post from you again, it was something like "i
made an experience that i was never born and hence never die"),
the question "who am I?" and some other texts from other people
wich all said, that theres no 'I', just something like
experience or awareness.
so, in easy words I just have to stop beliving, that i am a
25year old german guy with all of my social connections like
family, friends, date of birth and all that stuff? and instead
just be....what? awareness?
#Post#: 4598--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: November 14, 2014, 2:20 am
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the funny thing is, that everytime im at this forum i remember a
short dialogue between krishnamurti and some people who asked
him questions the whole time. and at the end he got angry and
said: everything you have to do is just to stand up and go!
you need to be free from the need to be free, isnt it?
#Post#: 4599--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: November 14, 2014, 2:31 am
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yesterday is saw "fight club", with brad pitt and edward norton,
and there were sereval scenes where brad tried to tell someone,
that he has to be aware of his own death, not with fear, just be
aware that he will goin to die one day.
one scene, he hold a gun at the head from an chinese guy and
asked him what he really wanna be in his life? (the guy worked
at a 24/7 shop) and the guy said, that he would love to be an
animal doc. and brad kicked him away, said him that he has to
become an animal doc, otherwise he would find him and kill him.
other scene, inside a car, drivin on the other side like ghost
drivers, brad asked two guys what they wanted to do before they
die, and the one said "draw a picture/portraie or something" and
the other one "build a house".
and thats it, right?
find something we love, do it until we die, end of the story. no
thinking about enlightment, the need to be free from whatever,
just living.
#Post#: 4600--------------------------------------------------
Re: bjoern
By: bjoern Date: November 14, 2014, 2:36 am
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i have to apologize for my "spamming", but thats just my
thoughts.
everytime i write or post something, im kinda disagree with that
post, that guy i was at that time. like a conversation with my
self, a conversation where i have to correct my last post
because im disagree him with, more or less.
thats the reason i dont like forums so much because most of the
time im ashamed of what i had posted a few seconds/minutes
before.
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