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#Post#: 8945--------------------------------------------------
Riding the ox
DIR By: guest306
Date: January 31, 2015, 5:11 pm
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Hi Jed,
First of all I should mention that I was dragged kicking and
screaming for most of the unwinding that has taken place. The
ego (I kinda hate that term for all its misleading connotations,
but hey, it seems appropriate now) did not want this waking up
business at all. It resisted it with everything it got, but
nonetheless here I am, despite myself. Still not quite there
yet, but with my 'first step' well behind me.
At this point I'm starting to let the ox do the riding, while
keeping my eyes and ears open, not even wanting to interfere too
much with what is happening. Mainly, just trying to be honest to
myself to the best of my ability.
I don't really have a question. Most questions have disappeared.
So, I have no real reason to post a message other than To say
hey, and maybe go back and forth about some things if that's ok.
I should also mention that in the past six months I have had a
few private talks with someone who is fully awake and who also
has some fully awake students to show for. He has been a very
helpfull iconoclast indeed. But still, I would like this
opportunity to speak to you.
There has been more and more silence (I find that silence is the
answer asking questions brings me to) and an ever decreasing
sense of a someone who is doing things. Choices are being made
all the time and like the oracle said in the matrix I no longer
feel it is not my place to make choices but rather my place to
understand the choices that were made. I, for instance, know
that I am not an interested, caring therapist (I work in mental
health care) as I once liked to think. The truth is that some of
the the time It takes considerable effort to care and be
interested which offcourse means that interested and caring is
not who I really am. This realisation is not a choice I made. It
is just a truth I am now aware of (this is the understanding
part).
Kind regards,
Marcel
#Post#: 8947--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 31, 2015, 6:44 pm
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Hi Marcus:
Welcome to the forum and thank you for you brevity and sharing.
Just wander back any time you like. I'm glad to hear you are
making progress.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 8957--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: guest306
Date: January 31, 2015, 8:03 pm
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Thanks Jed,
By the way, any weirdly constructed sentences or misplaced use
of words is probably mostly due to the fact that I'm Dutch.
Oh and just out of curiousity I want to ask you if you had the
experience of knowing your journey was almost over. I ask you
this because the last couple of days i've been having the sense
of a job almost done.
Now I don't mean to say that being awake means that there is
nothing more to uncover. From what I gather awakening is an
infinitely continuing process. And God knows I am only too
human, weaknesses and all. But offcourse part of waking up is
realizing that enlightenment doesn't make you perfect or any
less human, just awake. The 'done' part just refers to the
annihilation of identification with anything other than the
truth (and I suspect this also does not mean that one is never
tempted, however shortly, to identify again).
#Post#: 8958--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 31, 2015, 8:11 pm
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Dear Marcus:
Don't worry about your English.
I used the word ''done'' without fully explaining it. You are
never really done because infinity is infinite. It's like an
onion that just starts pealing itself, disclosing more and more
and more, all in total newness.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 8959--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: guest306
Date: January 31, 2015, 8:54 pm
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That is indeed what its like for me. Its both realizing new
things and seeing old things, but then so much clearer. And then
the next time, clearer again.
And the clarity always seems to result from a falling away of
something, that is why its seen so much clearer. It is never the
result of an adding on (e.g. a better mental understanding or
theory, as is commonly thought by people in general).
So I guess being 'done' refers to not having questions anymore,
being clear on what you are not and also the realization that
everything unfolds, and keeps unfolding, and just following it
where ever it goes.
#Post#: 8960--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 31, 2015, 9:03 pm
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Not a bad way to express is... in words ??? ??? ???
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 8962--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: guest306
Date: January 31, 2015, 10:14 pm
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Ha,ha... Yeah, isn't that the ''d***dest thing' ?
But I guess this back and forth thing, although I indeed do get
a little hung up on words, is about clarifying for myself
whether I'm done or not. And I'm starting to realize that what's
keeping me from actually acknowledging that is, by lack of a
better way to say it, the idea that there is still stuff to do,
because there will always be stuff to do. But I realize there
are no real questions left to ask, and although there are
certainly still tendencies to identify with a me, this is no
longer identified as a problem. Instead there is growing trust
in life, in all of its unfolding. Offcourse, none of that is the
last word on being done (there is not going to be a last word, a
final pass). What is important however is the simple realization
that...and this feels very hard to say because it scares the
hell out of me... I'm done.
I do hope I make some sense.
Kind regards,
Marcel
#Post#: 8973--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: guest306
Date: February 1, 2015, 6:00 am
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Hi Jed,
Forgot to thank you, so, thank you.
By the way, I still feel shaky (in a rather unpleasent way).
Part of me wants to hold on still I guess. Or maybe Its just a
reflex. i don't know.
#Post#: 8974--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 1, 2015, 7:43 am
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Just stay in ''I don't know" you need to no more.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 8976--------------------------------------------------
Re: Riding the ox
DIR By: guest306
Date: February 1, 2015, 8:15 am
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Yeah, You're right.
I guess I just needed to hear that.
All I know is that I know nothing, like good old Socrates said.
Never knew he might have meant to say: I know nothing so
nothingness is what I know.
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