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#Post#: 6609--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 16, 2014, 11:16 pm
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"Everyone has a plan, 'till they get punched in the mouth." -
Mike Tyson
Further.
#Post#: 6612--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 17, 2014, 12:59 am
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Mike has had an interesting life.
Man plans and God laughs.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 6641--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 17, 2014, 9:55 am
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I was reading some Jean Klein on the bus this morning and he
brought up the fact that we have this great ability to separate
the outside world from ourselves, and yet we don't use this
power when it comes to our own body and thoughts.
Another holy shit moment. I have all this talent and skill and
experience at perceiving the outside world as "not me", so why
don't I use that energy towards my self constructs,
aikido-style? It certainly doesn't take any extra energy, or any
effort that I'm not already doing constantly.
Powerful... now everything that manifests inside or out is
simply "not me". Every thought, emotion, desire, story...
Everything... "not me" "not me" "not me" "not me" "not me" "not
me" "not me" "not me" "not me" "not me".
Soaking in that for the time being.
#Post#: 6650--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 17, 2014, 11:15 am
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Pursue it ALL THE WAY...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6743--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 18, 2014, 11:17 am
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Hello Jed.
Yesterday "not me" was my mantra and by the time I was riding
the bus home I was back where I was a year and a half ago... no
ego, or at least a very small ego sitting in the corner,
powerless. Except this state feels better than before because
instead of it being like a light switch flipping on, an act of
grace, this time it was an act of my own volition. Whereas
before I was a passenger... now I am the driver. I'm a beginner
driver, slow and careful and clumsy and cautious... but holy
shit I'm driving. I'm joyfully grinning like a 16 year old with
a new license and keys to the car.
I am a single point, occupying space and time, but with no mass.
An empty void, and the very best part of being that vacuum is
that now the world is getting sucked through me and I can't get
enough. I especially can't get enough of other people, they are
all amazing artists with their ego creations that are so awe
inspiring... and every one unique and different and never
boring. Emmy-level actors performing for my entertainment. I
find myself like a dog wagging its tail every time some one
enters my field of awareness. "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hello!"
Before there was low level depression, and other people were
annoying or at best tolerable. Now there is a hum of joy, and
being surrounded by people is fantastic. I find the corners of
my mouth uncontrollably curling up... my benchmark on how open
and accepting I am at the moment. I'm not pushing anything away
anymore.
Acceptance... I grooved on that word for a while since it seemed
to most accurately describe what's going on. Everything is
acceptable. Everything is perfect. Acceptance is just another,
simpler word for unconditional love.
This morning I had to work on the state after waking up, to
juice it. Mostly it was taking all the fond memories of
yesterday and the urge to want it back and throw them all in the
fire of "not me"... and another bus ride later things are
flowing pretty good again. It's way too early to make any grand
pronouncements like "I'm done", but the work is no longer a
dreaded chore. The jungle is thick and tangled, but I now have a
very sharp machete.
Further.
P.S. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your skillful
response to my cannabis question, it killed that habit right
then and there and set up the chain reaction that put me here.
#Post#: 6745--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 18, 2014, 11:22 am
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Dear I:
I am smiling. Keep up the good work. Acceptance is definitely
less loaded than unconditional love. Sometimes you might find
yourself accepting that someone is a jerk and that is that. No
more story required. It happens.
Love ya, and you make me proud. Jed.
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