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#Post#: 6256--------------------------------------------------
I
DIR By: I
Date: December 12, 2014, 10:57 am
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Hello Jed.
After contacting you yesterday I've started a thread. I've also
read all the threads you've started and haven't read anyone
else's. I'm aware of the ramifications and commitment of taking
this step and have adjusted accordingly. When Jed says to put
the distractions away and focus, then so be it.
The only question I have for you right now is: Are you really
going to hold my hand as I jump from this burning building? In
the 20 years that I've walked this path, I have only met two
friends who share a bit of the curiosity that I have... and I
have met (that I know of) zero who are T/R. Those people have
only existed in books. So when the opportunity arises to have a
conversation with Jed, it is not something to be taken lightly
and I truly appreciate the company as I fall (or fly). In all
honesty, you are the only person out of the hundreds that I've
read in those books who I'd actually want to hang out with if
given the choice... so being able to talk with you as I progress
further is special. Thank you in advance.
In summary, per my email, I've had a taste of the territory but
have seemed to have forsaken it in order to make hanging out
with those who haven't a little easier. But now, that easier
part doesn't seem to be the case and numbing away that fact has
been sub-optimal.
And now this opportunity arises to talk with you, so lets go for
it. Swan dive.
#Post#: 6259--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 12, 2014, 12:15 pm
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Dear I:
I take it you had a teezer a while back. It can be a curse and a
blessing. It wasn't 'it', but it was probably very close.
Anything that comes and goes is very unlikely to be T/R. But, I
understand where you are coming from. Holding you hand...
perhaps. I work on a 'what ever it takes' basis.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6261--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 12, 2014, 1:03 pm
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Yes, I agree it wasn't T/R. I see it more as the breakthrough
required to experience Adulthood. It also taught me that a
certain amount of emotional work is required to continue which
requires a level of surrender I seem to be struggling with
(struggling with surrender, that's kinda funny). Your words
about holding rocks hit pretty good on that one.
It seems my biggest struggle is that I've observed that those
who have attained T/R have very unique lives that allowed (I
dunno if that's the right word) that to happen... I have yet to
read a book or a web post where that individual states that they
are a "normal" person who is happily married and raising
children while holding down a regular job... all while cruising
around in T/R space. Instead that field is filled with those who
are loners who haven't really had the struggles of work and
family life and basically being surrounded closely by the
cultural vortex of the asleep. Thus outside guidance has been
pretty much non-existent up to this point... I've had no one to
relate to, thus the urge to just go back to sleep.
On a physical level, the overwhelm of body/mind energy that
surges with surrender is usually uncomfortable. This is the area
I've recently been dealing in, without a lot of success...
mostly I give up because I can't talk about it with anyone who
can understand. It's easier to just medicate and say "later",
when life happens to ease up on the accelerator and I have the
space for more dedication. This is the circle of Stupid that
happens when doing this alone.
But now, with this forum, I can say FUCK THAT.
So where am I at now? Well step one is getting past the habitual
act of finding distraction... working through the emotional
imprinting of my parents and culture. Letting all that go and
letting it flow. Setting up the space to be accident prone.
And on the note of family and my life: I am happily married to
my best friend with two fantastic kids and have a satisfying job
that challenges me creatively and intellectually. I'm in good
health and don't suffer from any serious emotional abuse. I
don't see T/R as an escape or a means to fix anything I find
broken within myself. That drive for T/R is more of a desire to
re-contextualize life properly. Why climb Mt. Everest? Because
it's there and there's nothing else to do. Do or do not, there
is no why.
But like I said, it's been a lonely journey and one I haven't
been able to relate to to those closest to me.
Thanks for listening, and setting up a space where I can hold
myself accountable.
#Post#: 6264--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 12, 2014, 2:27 pm
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Dear I:
It a pleasure to be here for you.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6270--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 12, 2014, 3:54 pm
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One more note about my spiritual history, since it was asked of
you early in the forum...
My interest in such things started with the use of psychedelic
drugs in my youth. Pretty typical. LSD gave me my first unity
consciousness experience with All That Is and I have always been
comfortable navigating that space... it made me feel human and
home. Then of course I picked up books, first on Zen, to see
what people did without drugs to maintain that space.
Zen led to Ram Dass and then branched out from there. I've read
all of Chogyam Trungpa, been to a Shambala retreat, read books
on Sufism, Taoism, Hinduism, Advaita, astro-theology, Christian
mysticism, New Age (sewage), Course in Miracles, Theravada,
Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Jed McKenna, and cracked into all the
newer non-dual/direct pointing approaches. YouTube talks and
recorded Skype interviews. 20 years and I can probably count the
number of fiction books I've read (not counting what I listed
above :) ) on one hand.
I've meditated, brain entrained, fasted, strenuously exercised,
and watched my mom take her last breath.
With all that, I've had two weeks of being awake. It was
triggered by reading a direct pointing session where it was
pointed out that the reason everything is one is because the
space between "you" and "that" is filled with awareness... there
is no separation. Like seeing one of those 3D posters from the
80s everything shifted into place and remarkably I could not
will myself to shift it back. For two weeks everything made
perfect sense, I was outside the cultural dream and everything
was real. I spent my evenings after work just hanging in the
backyard watching the wind in the trees. Sitting in meditation
was the most natural act ever... there was nothing else really
to do.
But then that faded away and life's harsh unreality flooded
back. It was awful, even music sounded terrible (and I really
love music), as the phase-shift settled and then I was back in
the Default World. That was a year and a half ago.
I think I have a pretty good handle on the "what"... I am
awareness, and that's the only thing that's real and forever.
It's always there and nothing else is. Ego is a thought form,
beliefs are walls, culture a dream.
So now it's the "how". How to be ok with grace. How to not get
disturbed by the asleep and the insane. How not to die in a
state of absolute bewilderment like I've witnessed so many times
in others. How not to be broken-hearted by watching those around
me who I love suffer in the cultural madness. How to surf the
dream sober instead of picking up the pot pipe and putting it
off yet again. Actually that one's pretty easy, all things
considered, it's the rest that's a bit trickier.
I'm confident that if I was left alone I could get back to that
awakened state in a matter of months or so pretty easy. But the
fact is I'm not alone, I'm absolutely surrounded by everyone
else and the pull of the cultural vortex and life's karmic
connections. The "me" I have constructed is needed to deal with
all that, to tell the lies everyone wants to hear. Running away
is not an option.
I'll leave it at that for now. Thanks for reading.
#Post#: 6271--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 12, 2014, 4:22 pm
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Dear I
Thanks for sharing that. Interesting. I understand completely,
at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6574--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 16, 2014, 11:38 am
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So one of my current hang-ups is my enjoyment of cannabis. I've
been enjoying it for 20 years, nothing chronic or abusive...
mostly I have a smoke at the end of the day after the kids are
in bed for a nice decompressive power-down. I've always enjoyed
how it put the world in a nice light, it's always helped with
gumption and self-analyzing and generally putting the world in
a nicer light.
Now I'm fully aware that it produces an enhanced ego state. My
ego creation becomes front and center on that stuff, no doubt.
I'm fully aware of this and don't get lost in the dream of it.
The thing is, out of all my readings on "proper" spiritual
technique, cannabis seems to be especially singled out as
something Not To Do. Teachers like the raging alcoholic Chogyam
Trungpa heavily frowned on it. Always bad... I've even read so
far as that it punches holes in your energy field so that
parasitic astral beings can suck on your emotional energy.
But, when I really take a look at how cannabis is detrimental to
me, when I strip away all the cultural baggage and prejudice, I
see absolutely no harm. It hasn't affected me physically, not
hurt my work or relationships, and really has only made life
more enjoyable.
In fact the only harm that's come from it is the perception that
it's a no-no... from reading as such. I have a hard time with it
because I'm told I should have a hard time with it, so I feel
bad. This goes along with all the other spiritual "shoulds" that
tend to be nonsense like meditating for hours a day or not
eating meat and all the rest.
Just wondering what's your take on it, especially since we're
now in a new, emerging era where culturally it's becoming
legalized and accepted. Yes it's a distraction... but is it
really that much worse than video games or online forums or TV
or all the rest of the distractions we tend to indulge in from
time to time? I can see how if one was still wrestling with the
meat and potatoes of self-identifying with ego where it could
get slippery, but I'm beyond that at this point.
#Post#: 6583--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 16, 2014, 2:53 pm
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Dear I:
Stop b.s. ing yourself. You aren't that interested in T/R. I
don't care and it's not a criticism, but to really achieve T/R
requires you drop anything in the way. If it cost you your
family, realize you never had one. If it cost you a habit of
toking up each night and that's too much for you, then don't
waste my time. I have many people who have devoted themselves to
this, NOT TO ME, but to finding truth. A most important
distinction.
Go back to your world and enjoy it. I fully endorse normalisy as
one life style. Not my choice but certainly valid. And I
couldn't care less if you b.s. me, I have no attachment to what
people think is true. But for Christ sake be honest with
yourself. You don't belong here and I wish the absolute best in
your life. I'm just not buying what you are selling.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6588--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: I
Date: December 16, 2014, 2:59 pm
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Awesome as always, Jed. Thanks for the face slap.
#Post#: 6592--------------------------------------------------
Re: I
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 16, 2014, 3:15 pm
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Consider yourself bitch-slapped by the Jedster.
Love ya, Jed.
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