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#Post#: 53--------------------------------------------------
mariam
By: mariam Date: August 27, 2014, 1:55 pm
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I'd like to begin by saying thank you for your work, insights,
time and attention.
...
#Post#: 60--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 27, 2014, 6:34 pm
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...
Much of what I say, read and write sounds like something I've
heard, read or wrote before, but I can't remember where or when.
No one really owns a thought and there's nothing new under the
sun. My boundaries are nearly unidentifiable and I loose myself
easily.
...
#Post#: 70--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 27, 2014, 11:24 pm
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Hi Mariam:
Boy, your brain is a pain. You are too smart for you own good.
The thoughts that come to me are you are experiencing some
blocks in your body. I strongly believe in breath work, nothing
exotic, but just good belly breathing, yoga style, and gradually
getting slower and deeper. Other that than, use your brain to
whittle down to one question for me.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. Forget that childhood bull, everyone had a challenging
childhood because no parent knows what to do until it's too
late.
#Post#: 108--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 28, 2014, 1:54 pm
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I'm stuck in the idea that what I do as a mother does matter. If
I hold on to the false, then I wind up projecting it on to my
kids, if I let go of the false, perhaps I set an example of how
it's done. Let go of too much false and I induce fear, which
tells me redirection is needed. It seems delicate, destroying
the ego in the second half, while respecting the construction
and organization of the ego in the first half.
I'll keep breathing, and whittling...
#Post#: 118--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 29, 2014, 1:35 am
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forget the childhood bull, yes, meaning let go of the
resentment, guilt, shame, awkwardness, anger, blame, judgment,
confusion, fear, and any thought that might suggest that somehow
it could have or should have been different. i feel i'm pretty
much past that part. but i do find the story of my childhood
explains a lot about how my body and persona function in the
present day. i've also discovered that many of the blocks in the
body are undigested sense impressions, some from the formative
years, that need to be brought into the awareness in order to be
digested.
...
i'm still whittling away at that one question. i've come up with
a few, but then answered them myself, and they've disappeared.
maybe one will stick eventually. in the meantime, i'll just
enjoy sliding through the curved lines that end in a dot.
#Post#: 139--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 29, 2014, 9:25 am
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hey jed,
one of the questions that i answered for myself has stuck. maybe
you could just let me know if it resonates with what you've
found to be the case:
q: does anything 'i do' matter?
a: only if i believe it does.
and one more, which i have not yet answered, that maybe you
could help me with:
q: if the questions i'm coming up with are so easily answered,
then am i asking the wrong questions, is my approach
misdirected, or is something else going on?
#Post#: 143--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 29, 2014, 9:37 am
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Dear M:
a and b make sense to me. Don't think you are so powerful. Give
your kids some credit for Christ's sake. They are ten time
smarter than you and I are or ever were. You've got that good
mother crap going on. You just do what you do. You cannot make
any errors, ever, period regardless of how much you think you
screw up... baby, you just ain't that powerful except in your
illusion.
Question, answer, but you keep questioning it. What's up, do you
like these endless loops. If so, continue, if not, drop them. I
think you are drama queening yourself into a little too much
self-importance. Just let go and let be. You have no say in the
end so why the hell worry about the middle. Man... I'm ranted
out. Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 146--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 29, 2014, 10:05 am
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thanks jed.
i see very clearly that my kids are light years ahead of me, and
i often feel that they're pulling me through a portal, which
requires i drop everything weighing me down. it's not
necessarily that they want me to come, or that i want to go,
it's more like it's just what's happening. but yeah, there is
this 'good mother crap' in that i don't want to hold them back,
slow them down, or otherwise cover them in sticky ego goo, yet i
notice myself doing it. maybe this is the power-trap you're
pointing at. maybe it's inevitable and ultimately without any
significance whatsoever.
no say in the end, sure. but isn't it possible to clear out some
murk in the middle?
go ahead and catch your breath, rant on when indicated.
love ya too, and thanks again.
#Post#: 152--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 29, 2014, 5:58 pm
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whoa! did i ever get caught up in playing the part!
good, mother, crap = useless dualistic & arbitrary frame of
reference, role identification/attachment, untruth.
the forum and the belly breathing are helping immensely. thank
you.
#Post#: 153--------------------------------------------------
Re: mariam
By: mariam Date: August 29, 2014, 7:00 pm
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rereading what i've written, a question arises (not for you, but
for me): can i let it all go?
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