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#Post#: 7390--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: solight
Date: December 27, 2014, 6:04 pm
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Dear Jed,
I've been doing the SA writing. Just as I thought I wasn't
making much progress I read in your book the passage about
everyone spending energy on upholding a self image. I suddenly
see that I have an image I constantly maintain, for no
particular reason. I knew about this
everyone-playing-a-character theory before, but this time it
strucks me personally. Thank you.
Regarding the Nav Series, if it were 12 years ago I would have
jumped in without hesitation. But now I see that one of my main
issues is that I secretly believed that I was entitled to TR. I
worked hard on it but I was also waiting for the right
teacher/circumstance/realization to bring me TR. It's time to
let go of that hope and take it into my own hands for a change.
So, I'd like to go on my own for a while. But knowing that you
are there is very comforting:)
#Post#: 7398--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 27, 2014, 11:09 pm
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It was my pleasure and best wishes.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 7767--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: solight
Date: January 4, 2015, 1:38 pm
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Dear Jed,
I noticed another thing today. I've been working on awareness
for a long time, and I take some pride in it because most people
don't know anything about it. But non-dual awareness is just
like non-attachment, it's a natural display of the awakened.
It's not meant to be perfected as a skill, and not a
prerequisite to TR. The foremost task at hand is still finding
and popping all the illusions. Too that end, I am still trying
to find the gate :-[
#Post#: 7789--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 5, 2015, 12:11 am
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You have to find it on your own. Teachers can only point at
best.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 8083--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: solight
Date: January 10, 2015, 12:36 pm
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I am reading J Jaynes' The Origin of Consciousness. Only 60 some
pages into the book so far, already so much is disturbed (or
tidied up). If only I had seen it while studying neurobiology,
20 years ago.
Is TR to get rid of the consciousness as a
simulation/imagination of life and directly become life itself?
Life brought this game of consciousness upon human and life
takes it away. TR is not the "right" thing to do for everyone.
But for me, life has reached a stage that I am feeling the
suffocation of "I" and want to wake up.
#Post#: 8100--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 11, 2015, 2:11 am
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That's just an approximation.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 8314--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: solight
Date: January 16, 2015, 12:12 pm
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I am starting to see that my biggest addiction is "reaching
enlightenment". It may have started with a genuine glimpse of
light when I first saw the Heart Sutra. But the mind hijacked
it. It becomes an idea, a goal, a belief. I try to imitate what
an enlightened person would supposedly behave: no interest in
worldly matters, no judgement of good and bad, awareness of what
I am doing, etc. I conduct my life for the benefit of this goal,
by putting most of my energy into understanding what the saints
said, living in an isolated, quiet environment, quieting the
mind, and so on. Even though I always know ego is the problem, I
failed to see clearly that everything I did was from the ego
self. The enlightenment thing has become a kind of embellishment
to the self, something to distinguish my self from others. I was
adding stuff (understanding, ability, character) to it rather
than breaking it down.
I didn't see it partly because my teachers were also in that
mode. A live, real mirror is a blessing.
I know better now what to write in SA, basically anything taking
hold in my mind.
#Post#: 8330--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 16, 2015, 7:35 pm
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Dear S;
Sounds like you are getting a handle on things.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 8746--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: solight
Date: January 25, 2015, 7:28 pm
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Dear Jed,
I feel I am in a strange place. I've studied many teachings, a
lot of them in the non-dual category. I've already endured the
initial blows from the ideas like "there is no free will", "my
self is not real", "my world is an illusion", "it's all
emptiness", "love is just another dream", "life is meaningless",
"there is no God", etc. Too bad I didn't dig deeper at the time.
My self has survived and is now probably propped up by many
smaller, less conspicuous pillars. Although I am keeping finding
bits and pieces, there is nothing too shocking to push me
overboard. I am worried that the First Step may never show up.
Even for those bits and pieces it's easy to see that they are
just creations of the mind/self, and can be almost categorically
dismissed. But they don't just disappear when I recognize them
as such, old habits die hard. My solution is to stay alert and
see them as what they are as quickly as possible. This battle
also seems endless.
Well, this is just my rant. I want the First Step to happen, so
the process can run on auto pilot mode... even semi-auto will be
good.
#Post#: 8758--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: January 25, 2015, 10:03 pm
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If that's what you want then sit back and let it happen.
Love ya, Jed.
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