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#Post#: 5590--------------------------------------------------
Solute
By: solight Date: December 1, 2014, 10:17 am
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Hi Jed,
(I sent it as a personal message. Let me do it as a post
instead)
I am grateful for this opportunity to interact with an awakened
person.
Ever since I started reading Buddhist sutra at 20 something,
becoming a buddha has been the only meaningful thing in my life.
At first I thought I need get rid of the ego. So I joined a
service oriented group. That didn't work out. My ego became
bigger than ever and my internal conflicts drove me nuts. So, I
left after about 8 years. Then I joined a group which focused on
awareness. The teacher explained the sutras in non-dual terms
and I learned a lot. But still, I didn't go very far. After 10
years as a full time volunteer, I decided that that teacher
himself was still searching and he was more interested in
maintaining what he gathered in life than finding truth. So, I
left.
I've been on my own for two years now. I skimmed all kinds of
teaching out there: Walter Russell, Lester Levenson, Sadhguru,
Bashar, Datre, David Wil**** (and all things about illuminati,
world politics) etc. I find I am still attracted to the non-dual
teachings the most. In particular, I like Tony Parsons and
Rupert Spira. Then, couple of days ago my wife, who is also my
partner on the path, mentioned your books.
Ever since I walked out of that ashram I felt I have actually
been progressing. There is a lot less thoughts; I kind of lost
the appetite to theorize everything; the sense of self is not as
strong; and awareness of what I am doing and feeling is more
natural and more frequent.
But I'd like the process to go quicker. Time is slipping away...
The evaluation I give to myself is that I have gained certain
maturity in truth searching after hitting walls a couple of
times, and I have built some foundation in practice with my
awareness training and meditation.
Understanding wise, I agree that I don't know anything about the
world out there or if there IS one. All I know is the
perceptions I have. I try to come back to this basic point when
I am aware. I accept that free will is a false idea, but I see
no other way but to do whatever I can.
I can see that I am gradually changing, but I have no clear
direction. And I am not sure if I should be seeking a clear
direction (I still have the do or non-do dilemma :)
One question on my mind is that all the sensations/thoughts,
where do they come from? There should be no creator/self behind
anything. Then it just is! Is that all we can say? To a realized
person, is it true that there is only flow and no way to
influence the flow, because there is no one there to do the
influencing? Because the true self is a knower not a doer? I
guess I agree that there is no self, but at the same time not
ready to give it up yet:)
This is me in a nutshell. Please help me crack it open:)
#Post#: 5591--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 1, 2014, 10:44 am
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Dear Solight:
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. You were born
as an empty slate, who put in the data that your operating
system now uses, you tell me.
Love ya, jed.
#Post#: 5607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: solight Date: December 1, 2014, 4:22 pm
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When I was born, the mind was mostly clean, but the body-mind
complex (BMC) had certain tendencies, such as the affinity to
food, warmth, attention, the avoidance to pain, etc. Where do
they come from? I don't know. These characteristics were
utilized by my parents and the society in general to mold me
into a certain shape, through methods such as reward/punishment,
repeating, association..., so some neural connections were
strengthened, and some were weakened. In other words,
experiences/perceptions to this BMC no long elicited equal
responses, patterns now emerged. For example, a stone would
generate a different response in my BMC than a cake. My parents
and the society pass down their believes into me this way.
Probably because of its limited capacity, my BMC can only store
a few attributes associated with a pattern (e.g., stone), this
somehow led to each pattern gradually stood out from the
original homogeneity (I haven't worked out how this process
works:) Now, instead of an undivided whole, I perceive a world
broken into objects. And along with the objects rose the subject
-- my self.
I can imagine that in a different civilization with a different
understanding, the same BMC could be taught into a totally
different being.
I think the way my BMC is organized is my operating system,
besides processing data it also decides what's to be called
data, how the data is to be shaped, what data to take in, how
the data is interpreted. How the data comes into my existence in
the first place is a mystery to me. But how the data is put into
my system totally depends on my up-bringing (my belief system).
As long as I am stuck in my bubble belief system, it doesn't
matter what I do/change, I am still stuck.
The only hope is some how to realize I am not this BMC.
#Post#: 5650--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 2, 2014, 6:24 am
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Who or what is aware that there is a BMC?
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 5683--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: solight Date: December 2, 2014, 8:44 pm
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It took me some effort to get the hang of being aware. Before
encountering awareness I didn't know there was such a thing, all
I knew was thinking and a little bit of feeling. At first I
struggled because I wanted to be aware, but all I could do was
thinking. I didn't know any other way to know myself other than
thinking. Eventually I learned to relax, then gradually
awareness emerged and grew.
When I am aware I know the activities of my body and mind, and I
know I am aware. This is the time when I am not just this body
and mind. This period of awareness is usually very short, and
without me noticing it, it's lost. When it comes back, either by
itself, or by my mind remembering it, I usually find myself in
thoughts. So I think it's thinking that interrupted my
awareness.
Who is it that's aware when I am aware? It's certainly not my
ego self. It doesn't interfere with the activities of the
body/mind. It doesn't judge. It's in the background. There is
clarity to it. It doesn't name things. No language is involved.
It just knows, but what's been known can not be put into words
(mind can attempt it, but it's not it).
What I have is probably a rudimentary version of Buddha
awareness. It's still lack in depth, breadth and continuity, but
probably of the right essence. It's my on going regular
practice. My practice has been lack in vigor lately. Your
question and my investigation have prompted me to pick up the
steam again. Thank you.
To develop my awareness bit by bit may be a gradual path. But I
think I'll keep it up until break through happens.
#Post#: 5695--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 3, 2014, 4:57 am
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Dear Solight:
Excellent. Stick with it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 5873--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: solight Date: December 6, 2014, 3:14 pm
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Hi Jed,
I am starting reading your book, and got to the SA part. It
sounds brutal (exciting), confrontational, pitting the mind
against itself. Got to have strong logic and a mind of steel to
do that.
My general understanding is that enlightenment is beyond body,
mind and consciousness. By myself I wouldn't know what it is or
how to achieve it. Two things I can do are:
1) Do whatever the guru instructs.
2) Loosen up any fixation (belief) I notice, let myself
dissolve.
The 1) for me right now is SA. The 2) is deepening awareness.
I intend to do both at the same time. Hope they are not
conflicting with each other. I have some concern on this though.
In Chinese martial arts there are two ways to do it, the
opposing way (exemplified by the Shaolin fist) and the yielding
way (exemplified by Taichi). One is building up
muscle/tendon/Qi/technique, one is total relaxation. And these
two ways don't mix. Can SA and 2) mix?
Thanks
Just read the book a little further. I take my question back.
The real question I should be asking myself is why it took you
two years to do it but took me 20 years and still not taking the
First Step. If the drive is strong enough whichever path I push
through is my way. If the drive is not there, then who am I
kidding.
#Post#: 5881--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 7, 2014, 12:24 am
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Dear S:
Hard and soft martial arts are not mutually exclusive. I prefer
to not be locked into any style and hence be able to access what
is called for at the present moment. However, while on the
metaphor here, doing the harder styles costs you because you
will injure yourself when young, often not even knowing it, and
pay for it as you grow older. Believe me, I have seen it many
times. I am very pleased that I focused on Yoga and chi kung at
an early age and have boxing buddies who now have trouble
walking and are in constant pain whilst decades younger than me.
Just a little grampa lecture to you grasshopper.
Regarding SA. I suggest you just start lightly. Make it a habit.
Just sit down with it for 20 minutes a day. Don't enter into a
marathon and then drop out with buggered knees. That's not a
smart route to take.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6386--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: solight Date: December 14, 2014, 6:17 pm
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Dear Jed,
I know several cases of martial artists who achieved greatness
though relaxation. The height they reached is way beyond the
tough guys, not on the same scale. The tough guys I can
understand, but the those relax guys I have no idea where they
get their power from. But somehow I know that's the right way,
at least the way I would like.
I've been doing some SA. I agree, writing it down makes the
process more efficient and powerful.
I see that all the sense perceptions, feelings, thoughts, which
include the sense of my body/mind, occurs on a receiver, a
screen of some sort. This is my truth I reach so far. It's not
rock solid, thoughts often tricks me into believing in the
reality of a separate self. I just come back to my established
basic truth as much as possible. I tend to identify the screen
as me, the images appearing on the screen as something opposite
of me. What I wonder is where are the images coming from, what's
the directing force (if any) behind them. Of course, this
(screen and image) is still a dualistic view, I won't get too
hung up on that. I'll pay more attention to the knower who knows
it knows, as you suggested in one of your rant threads.
#Post#: 6409--------------------------------------------------
Re: Solute
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 14, 2014, 11:33 pm
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Dear Solight:
Sounds like you are doing just fine. Stick with it.
Love ya, Jed.
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