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       #Post#: 42759--------------------------------------------------
       I know nothing
       By: Chris____ Date: February 7, 2021, 3:59 pm
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       I’m not in touch with my “I am” so, I don’t even know the only
       thing that is knowable.
       I have experienced “I am awareness” of my feelings and body. But
       only once with clarity.
       I have experienced I am in the stars infinite time from now with
       my current partner and thus what we’re fighting about has zero
       meaning in comparison to our boundless love in infinite time. It
       was only once about 6 years ago.
       I have experienced people seem to be playing a part, they are
       playing their role. But only once.
       I have experienced a vertical column of Truth that washed away
       old beliefs. But this happed only once a few years ago.
       The mind that is typing this knows I will die. It knows that all
       things it understands are meaningless in comparison to what it
       understands as the eventual infinity of time. All meaning, it
       understands, eventually goes to zero in comparison.
       I am curious what is true. I have layers of body and mind fear,
       however, that means shit compared to: my curiosity of what is
       truth. I value truth. I’m ready to go straight through the
       center and feel all fear, all pain, I morn as I write this.
       My mind tells me, “I’m not even a Human Adult and if you desire
       truth then I have you beat because you desire thus I control
       you. And I know your worst fears thus you will fail at going
       through them.”
       So I am putting my toe on the thin ice and I don’t experience
       going through zen gates and I experience little transformation
       of the gravity of my awareness (well I don’t even feel awareness
       or “I am” in recent years in any large way. So only a
       transformation in facing what I know: all that the mind knows is
       meaningless)
       But there is a lion in my heart who will be free (and I morn
       more as I type this)
       I am asking for guidance, I am asking for direct experience of
       truth. I am praying for help to be sent.
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