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#Post#: 42628--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 20, 2020, 11:54 pm
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It feels like I'm coming to a point where I won't be allowed (by
"god"?) to be tired or unconscious in thought. Like, instead of
going about my day, missing half of it by daydreaming the future
or ruminating over the past, I get the sense that sometime soon,
I will have to be awake to every moment. Rendering such thoughts
pointless.
My mind feels like staying in fantasy land tho. Wake me up in 5
mins!
#Post#: 42632--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 24, 2020, 5:22 am
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Y'know what? I have absolutely no idea what the HELL
"consciousness" is. There's no such thing as "spirituality"
(What spirits?!). I've never seen a "universe". Nor can i
conceive of "infinity". There's no "enlightenment" or
"eternity". I don't even know what "happiness" is. The EGO is
just a word. I search intensely for it in one go and all it
amounted to was memory, stories, thoughts/beliefs, etc. None
REAL. Mind is so concerned with naming things and building
concepts to superimpose on top of whatever the hell this is. I
can't grasp what "this" is at all!
#Post#: 42640--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 26, 2020, 10:49 pm
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If you could grasp what 'this' is then it wouldn't be this, it
would be 'that'. But good try. Now what are you going to do, or
not do?
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 42652--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 28, 2020, 6:57 pm
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Just read this super long article called "Enlightenment" by Joan
Tollifson which once and for all washed away all mysticism and
specialness of enlightenment. Even the chasing of the "goal". I
might just forget tomorrow, but for now, there's a close
examination of my current experience of myself.
Christmas eve, I was struck by a fit of inconsolable tears at
the eventual loss of everything and everyone in "my" world. But
on the other side of that sadness (and the other side of every
other dark, unconscious emotion) was the deep appreciation of
everything here now. The further I go, the more this seems like
a process without end, haha!
#Post#: 42656--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 29, 2020, 11:00 pm
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First half of the day: Fine.
Second half: Hours of tears, fears, more tears, and existential
fear of loss of everything. On the other side of each fear is
clear seeing of what the mind distorts as a concept.
Feeling raw now. Allowing the heart to say anything it wants.
Been ignoring it forever, so why not? This is not a "practice".
It's just happening and I can't stop it. I can sense more to
come. The only thing keeping me from running towards an object
for comfort (family member, alcohol, etc) is the unwavering
awareness of that against which, all falsity is burned.
#Post#: 42658--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 31, 2020, 12:23 am
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Sounds just fine to me. Pathways marking progress to nowhere.
Much love, Jed.
#Post#: 42662--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 31, 2020, 5:30 am
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So...Nothing exists, eh? Yet it's all here. It just does itself
without "me". Never mattered that I thought was there. Never
will. Funny to think I ever had a claim to any of this. My
anguish has subsided only long enough for me to see there was
nothing to fuss about and no one here to fuss.
There's only a curiosity to see the further implications of
this.
#Post#: 42672--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 2, 2021, 10:36 pm
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Sounds perfectly perfect to me.
Much love, Jed.
#Post#: 42684--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: January 7, 2021, 11:24 pm
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Deepening this seeing for now. Life just lives itself. Personal
will is slowly being replaced by awareness. It's like I'm seeing
from a different set of eyes. I still walk around with the minor
fear of negative feelings passing through. But the mind
interpretations of them are losing their sway.
#Post#: 42685--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 7, 2021, 11:58 pm
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That's what I like to hear.
Much love, Jed
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