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#Post#: 42609--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 10, 2020, 8:48 pm
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Dangit, fine.
A major emotional cloud passed last night leaving much clarity
in its wake. It felt so clear as to be almost uncomfortable.
Like my body prefers the suffering! Haha!
Spent most of the afternoon and evening observing a great
turmoil and confusion. Like watching an argument between
friends, I did not get involved.
Now feeling clear until the next round.
Also realized that the "I" I refer to when awake is the same "I"
I refer to when talking about my dreams, regardless of what
character I become in the dream.
#Post#: 42611--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 12, 2020, 3:54 am
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A couple observations from yesterday. Earlier, I realized
Awareness has no choice of what it's aware of and no preference.
It was like the difference between parroting the phrase,
"choiceless awareness" and actually understanding it.
And tonight, I just awoke to the fact that Awareness IS the
"objects" it projects including my body which interacts with the
projections. A small fear woke me, and is already trying to make
me "forget". In fact, right now when trying to "see" this fact
clearly again, all I see is the intellectual thoughts that arose
after the fear, but the fact itself is somewhat obscured, lol.
The fears are subtler these days, and falsity falls away in
small increments. More investigation to be done.
#Post#: 42612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 12, 2020, 11:08 pm
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Yes... small increments... and such require great patience.
Much love,
Jed.
#Post#: 42614--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 13, 2020, 10:56 pm
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The fear of yesterday's realization become's today's normal.
I'm also looking towards my dreams for the differences to the
waking state.
Had a moment of intense seeing earlier. All that I perceived,
occurred as me...? Including thoughts and feelings. When I tried
to notice where they came from all I notice is some kind of
quietude. In this way even the mind's rush of thoughts and
feelings are accepted as me instead of being denied or ignored
or believed.
#Post#: 42617--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 13, 2020, 11:23 pm
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Yes, good words. You don't have to deny, ignore or believe
something in order to accept it. Very powerful distinction.
love ya, Jed
#Post#: 42618--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 14, 2020, 5:25 am
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Next up for investigation: If the body cannot see, smell, taste,
touch, or hear a thought, then what perceives that? How exactly
does it seemingly obscure perception of what is? What is "what
is"???
#Post#: 42620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 14, 2020, 11:38 pm
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Starting to understand how thought obscures. I was looking at an
object in my room and shifted my eyes to look nearer to me. I
noticed a superimposed thought imagining what my eyes and face
would look like as I shifted them. It was like awareness→
thought/image→ then seeing. But the thought blurs my sight
somewhat. Like looking through heavy prescription glasses. Which
is weird, because my eyes can't see thoughts.
They say perception through ego is like looking through a lens,
but I can ACTUALLY see it now in my own experience.
I cannot see, hear, taste, or touch or smell a thought, yet
awareness can perceive it as if it were that real. Is this what
my dreams are made of?!!!
In the meantime, I've completely demystified enlightenment by
learning what it's not.
#Post#: 42621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 15, 2020, 3:45 am
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"In the meantime, I've completely demystified enlightenment by
learning what it's not."
I wish more folks would latch onto that one.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 42624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 16, 2020, 10:51 pm
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Come to think of it, this body existed before thought. As a
baby, it was taken care of before "I" took over. So what was
running the show then?!
Also tried to see "infinity" and "boundlessness" today. I could
only see was what was in the room. I've only ever seen what was
before me. Mind conjured up the usual images of space with
stars, but something notices even that. And while thought has my
attention, eyes were still open, still looking. Which is when it
hit me that my eyes are are just eyes. Seeing is what they do.
Not what "I" do.
Creepy...
#Post#: 42627--------------------------------------------------
Re: Coming to an End
By: No-Man Date: December 20, 2020, 11:23 pm
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I've been sinking more into the placeless place. I tried to find
the beginning and the end of awareness, but upon looking, no
such concept as a "beginning" could even form.
The thought occurred to me, "I alone AM". Upon further
investigation, I have never in my life experienced "You". And
even if I experienced an "other" I would still refer to myself
as "I am".
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