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#Post#: 42150--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Kieran Date: August 16, 2020, 3:53 am
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Howdy Jed :D
I’d like to ask about trust. As a concept. Having trust in
others. It seems like a valid concept in the dream state.
It’s almost, if not entirely, irrelevant or unthinkable in a
truth realised state, isn’t it?
In the dream state, I say I don’t trust people. I guard myself,
keep a distance.
In a truth realised state, this is kind of silly, isn’t it? To
think of my ‘self’ as seperate to begin with... or that things
aren’t exactly as they should be, and would be different if
everything wasn’t exactly right.
I don’t trust my ‘self’. That’s it... Isn’t it? I don’t trust
anything because I don’t trust everything, of which I am.
If ‘I’ is not seperate from anything, then that’s the only
conclusion I can reach. Not trusting is just another belief...
masking the truth that ‘I’ really just desire control, for
outcomes that ‘I’ want and to prevent possible outcomes ‘I’
don’t want.
Every single thing in my way... is me. Isn’t it? The DAMNDEST
thing.
#Post#: 42171--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 17, 2020, 11:36 pm
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Hi K:
Yes, it's pretty much a non-issue from the perspective of T/R.
After all, there is no one to trust anyone. But at the same
time, you can trust that appearance will appear to be as they
appear... and are not real.
You are asking if every single thing is 'you'... and that tells
me that you don't know but are only thinking or repeating
someone else's experiences. Find out who you really are and you
will not have any questions for me. If anything matters in this
dream, that is all that matters.
Much love and stay healthy,
Jed.
#Post#: 42172--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Kieran Date: August 18, 2020, 12:45 am
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I knew after I sent my last message that it was all ‘wrong’, and
couldn’t exactly say how those words came together. I type
something out to say to you and see the things that become clear
enough in a day or two that it’s sometimes embarrassing to think
it made any sense to me at the time. I’m pushing into my fear
and going into as many dark spots as I can find in my ‘self’.
I’m finding out about assumptions and past associations and am
diving into them to clean them away. I’m working out more and
more what I am not. I have the following thoughts at this
time...
If what I really am is everything, God, Buddha, the universe,
truth, existence, whatever you might call ‘it’... how can I
better place this ego thing? What is this thing that exists to
muddle my character, distract me from what really is, muddle my
lines, place false perceptions and ideas into my awareness?
I don’t know if ego in my ‘self’ is trying to busy me by making
me process, categorise and label what the ego IS and contain it
somehow. As I spend more time in awareness, and more time
dwelling on ‘I am’, I can view with better clarity the internal
chatter and the constant identification, labelling, categorising
etc. It feels strange now, like the thing doing all this is an
unwelcome entity that I want to evict, and I’m confused as to
who invited it in in the first place, and why. What IS this
weird internal narrator? What is he doing here? I’m serious, I’m
really weirded out by it. If I am the Self with a capital S, why
did I get an operating system with weird malfunctioning
software? It seems so redundant in this new context. Should I
stop with this particular thought because it’s time wasting and
tail chasing? Or is this something that should be worked
through?
Sorry if this is banal or juvenile ranting at this point. I am
obsessed, I can’t stand for unreality in myself and I’m pulling
bricks out of this wall like mad. I’m trying to get at the
keystone.
#Post#: 42173--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Kieran Date: August 18, 2020, 1:32 am
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And then once again, I step away from the keyboard and feel like
something is off. At some point it occurs to me that what I just
brought to you as a question, seems more like fear of no-self.
I think perhaps I should be a bit less willing to write you
every time I think I have something that looks like a tangle. I
know I’ve taken the first step. I don’t know what happens now,
but bothering you about it every week isn’t going to snap me
into T/R or non-duality or whatever.
I am very grateful for each time you have generously responded
to my posts. It’s been wonderful in it’s way, to wave to you
over the internet and have you wave back. Let me step away from
the keyboard a bit and do the work. I’ll come back and wave at
you again when I really get tangled, or wake up. Whichever comes
first :) Bless you Jed.
#Post#: 42175--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 18, 2020, 2:00 am
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Thank you K;
I always enjoy hearing from you. My advice for the moment, and
perhaps forever, is 'further'.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 42188--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Kieran Date: August 18, 2020, 9:38 pm
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Thank you or your kind words.
If I reach the point of ‘done’... I will know it... I won’t be
left wondering ‘Am I here?’?
T/R is not wobbly, or vague? I won’t have any doubt that I am
‘done’ if I arrive at T/R?
Sometimes when I feel like there has been some progress on my
road, I wonder ‘is this it? Am I here?’, but that is not a
question I would have if I would become truth realised, is it?
It can’t be mistaken?
#Post#: 42193--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 19, 2020, 12:55 am
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Dear K:
Dear K:
You are messing with what is left of my mind. You make an
affirmative statement and then follow it up with a question
mark. Now, if you are not a native English speaker, at this
point I owe you an apology. I have deep respect for anyone
trying to learn such a convoluted language as English.
The reason I harp on this point with students is that it's very
important to ask questions, the right questions. Better
questions will yield better answers, at least in my experience.
Questions, with very few exceptions, start with an
interrogative, who, what, where, when, why, does, pretty much
sums them up. A sentence such as, 'It's raining outside?' is
neither a statement nor a question and the only thing that will
define it one way or the other is the inflections in the
speakers voice or body language ... facets of communication we
don't share here.
So, I ask that you clarify your post, please re-write it, and
keep your mind clear. Make a statement or ask as question.
Communication in this arena is challenging enough as it is.
I trust I have communicated effectively with you, but in a real
sense I fail all the time... mea culpa.
Much love and stay healthy,
Jed.
#Post#: 42211--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Kieran Date: August 19, 2020, 7:29 pm
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Apologies for the scatterbrain message.
I am making the following assumptions:
- T/R is an unmistakable state. If I become truth realised, I
will know it.
- Anytime I have wondered to myself ‘Is this it? Am I
awakened?’, it can be safely assumed I’m not, as T/R is not a
state one has doubts about.
Does this sound right?
#Post#: 42213--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 20, 2020, 12:35 am
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Close my friend, a few mods apply though:
- T/R is an unmistakable state.(not a state, but a deep cellular
knowing) If I become truth realised, ('you' will never become
T/R because there will be not 'you' left) I will know it. (yes
indeed)
- Anytime I have wondered to myself ‘Is this it? Am I
awakened?’, it can be safely assumed I’m not, (most wise!) as
T/R is not a state one has doubts about. (so true).
Now, back to work.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 42219--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaaaally strange experience looking in a mirror
By: Kieran Date: August 20, 2020, 4:22 am
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Thank you for those corrections. I will get back to work and
look forward to the next discussion. Go well until then, good
sir.
Kieran.
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