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#Post#: 41908--------------------------------------------------
Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Kieran Date: July 12, 2020, 10:01 pm
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I figure I’ve had my big aha moment, the bit where things
‘click’. Since then I’ve been trying on different ego-suits to
interact with the world in, depending on what mood I’m in at the
time, with varying degrees of success (or, ‘comfort’). Flitting
my way through the world, not really IN the world.
Something that has happened to me that has put a fresh new spin
on this for me, is having a child. It’s easy to shamelessly
clown around with your kids when you aren’t worried about being
a goof. It’s been pretty non-eventful being a full time Dad, my
sense of masculinity not being threatened despite doing a role
normally taken by the Mother. The ego-suit I use to get through
the day is not at odds with fatherhood is what I’m trying to
say.
What is Starting to play on my mind is, what am I passing on to
my kids? I don’t care if they turn out to be quite different to
me, I don’t want them to make up for my shortcomings as a
youngster. But I do feel some things are important to kids
growing up. Making routines, spending time with the family,
making sure the kids have lots of fun. That lessons are learned
in a place of safety and trust. Is this another layer to the
ego-suit?
Is it egotism to want to impart traditional cultural
values/norms to them? Or is that a kind of built in tribal or
genetic aspect of the human meat-suit experience? They will get
some kind of upbringing or other, and I don’t see it as
egotistical to prefer a style or outcome over another for a
growing child, despite the fact that this involves judgement
calls and decision making. Thought experiments like ‘What is
me?’ Or the ‘taking ones hand off the wheel’ POV are still
totally relevant but come at a much higher complexity when you
have kids I think. Thankfully I don’t get the luxury of thinking
too much, so I don’t get too much chance to get caught up in
exercising pretend ‘free will’ anyway.
Though as Jed said in Damndest, as I’ve just written all this
and re-read it, I’m already done with it, It’s pointless
garbage for the trash heap of history. That’s spiritual
autolysis for ya.
#Post#: 41910--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 13, 2020, 2:03 am
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Hi Kieran:
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I find it a
little strange (well... I find many things a little strange) but
you are writing about things that are pretty inconsequential.
You will raise your child and that is a human dream exercise.
You will do the best you can with the resources that you have,
and this all well and good. Feeling he/she should follow in
certain human footsteps is 'auto-think'. Evaluate whether you
family is healthy and happy and provides useful models. I say
this because my family and all their friends bordered on
Bag-s-crazy. I observed such neurosis to be rampant in the west,
in particular.
If you are 'Done' you would not be asking or worried about such
things... so my take is you have a little more work to do....
i.e. further.
Jump in, enjoy and trust yourself a little more. Believe or not
now, it matters very, very little what you do with your child
(of course you do your best) but your child is just another
dreamt character, loveable and adorable, but definitely a dreamt
character. Minimize his discomforts and encourage his happiness,
and remember the old Chinese saying: ''Raising children is like
frying small fish. They will turn out just fine if you don't
mess with them too much''. (I love old Chinese sayings, but only
the 'old' ones).
I wish you the best always and stay healthy.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 41912--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Kieran Date: July 13, 2020, 3:08 am
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I believe you to be correct Jed. I have become detached from
interpersonal drama and affectation. I’m very aware of
personality and social games and interaction and have no problem
dissociating from them. I feel unbridled from that part of the
Stageplay. However,
Where I get stuck is picking up the old ego that was left lying
around, as you put it. I am still ‘here’ and I’m still driven to
do things, to ward off boredom or enjoy a new experience or
company of others. Sometimes the things I choose to do get all
on top of me, I strip them apart to find what’s real or true,
until I’ve stripped them to bits and the whole thing lays in
ruins at my feet. This has happened with every hobby or pursuit
I’ve attempted since I started my awakening. Is this part of the
process? I pursue and destroy and pursue and destroy. Is this
what you would expect from the path to Spiritual Enlightenment?
I know there is an initial upheaval when the ‘penny drops’, but
for me that was 5 years ago! It can feel lonely and paralysing.
I get severe depression and anxiety (medically diagnosed) so
could be that? Or am I just not reaching the end point of the
enlightenment road before finding a fork in the road?
Help!
#Post#: 41914--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 13, 2020, 5:39 am
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You are still on the journey and patience is required. Don't
expect T/R to cure anything, nothing at all, except the pain
associated with having a personality, and that is almost always,
considerable pain.
Stick with it.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 41915--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Kieran Date: July 13, 2020, 2:17 pm
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I almost feel bad for taking up your time. I’ve been thinking
this through since I made my first post and I can see now that
while I’m not right back at the beginning, I’m clearly not as
far along as I’d thought.
I’d better get back to the whetstone and get sharpening.
Thank you Jed for your patience, for helping me and everyone
else on this forum in journeys.
#Post#: 41918--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 14, 2020, 2:02 am
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Don't fret about wasting my time. I love what I do and, in a
sense, you are what I do. Yup, back to the barn and get than old
whetstone. (strange spelling isn't it). Well, 'whet' away and
see what you can come up with.
Write me anytime.
Much love and stay healthy.
Jed
#Post#: 41919--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Kieran Date: July 14, 2020, 2:52 am
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It is a bit of an odd term :)
Since you have kindly insisted I’m not imposing on your time, I
thought I’d share this quirk I found in my current path.
I think I have been able to get away with feeling like I was
pretty tuned in to this enlightenment deal because I don’t get
attached to things or people or places etc, that a marker of my
spiritual status was my lack of attachments. I now see this may
have been something of a misstep!
What has shaken me to my core again and made me revisit my
assumption was becoming a father. I feel like I really have a
job to do and I want to do it really well. I want to make sure
nothing bad happens to my kids. I want to find good kids for
them to befriend so they can safely play and enjoy life. Knowing
these things really throws the ‘what is I’ question in to a new
light when I don’t know how to NOT identify as DAD and loving
husband etc. How can I not be a somewhat unique ‘thing’ if there
exist little humans who are partly made of my unique
‘thingness’? How can I shed myself of desires when they seem to
naturally arise in me, when it comes to protecting my babies?
I don’t think I have ever figured out from Damndest, whether
being enlightened means no more animalistic impulse. You have
stated you don’t equate enlightenment with prudish asceticism,
but does that allow anger, pride, sizing-up, tribalism,
veneration of heritage/lineage, these kinds of things? If these
traits were natural to humans, enlightenment shouldn’t change
these attributes like some kind of overnight magic poof now it’s
gone..? Should it?
#Post#: 41920--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 14, 2020, 4:59 am
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T/R allows for everything. You don't become a saint, if you want
to use the word, you simply realize you are one (but I am using
a silly word here, forgive me).
In you human form all these 'normal and natural' experiences
will arise. If you don't want them, kill yourself or move to a
cave in Nepal. They arise as part of the dream, and they are ALL
very temporary ... but the HUGE difference after T/R is there
is no you there for them to stick to. Of course you want your
children to be happy and healthy, that's a genetic requirement
for survival of the species and not personal. What happens when
they are not? What happens when your wife has an affair with
your best friend, or that she had a 'fling' before the wedding
ceremony (you wouldn't believe how many do), what happens when
you get cancer or become parallelized... or when your best
friend dies or you get caught up in some illegal venture and
spend some time with the county mounty? What happens when it
hits the fan. Please don't think I am being negative, cause I am
try to be SOOOO negative it will shake the crap out of you.
True living (adulthood) has nothing to do with your experiences,
it's about your attachments to them. That's the real issue. Your
worrying comes straight out of Maya's 'Playbook of Attachments'.
She is a lovable bi tc h. If you really want to make 'bad'
things happen the best way is to worry about them day and night,
and you mind will find some weird way of bringing them about.
Just how it works.
Adulthood (H/A) and T/R don't mean you become an A-hole, it
means you stop being one to yourself... and then it moves out
from there. Your children DO NOT CARE what you say, they are
watching closely and can already read you and your body language
better than any CIA operative. They got you nailed, so never
think you can fool them. That is a big parenting mistake.
Your job is to raise adults, never let love get in the way...
and I am dead serious.
Well, I have blown off enough steam for now.
Take care,
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 41921--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Kieran Date: July 14, 2020, 3:23 pm
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Thank you Jed. Understand that what you have said sits well with
me, I have no questions about any of it.
In Damndest, you refer to a story in the Gita where a soldier
lays down weapons and chooses not to fight, then he is made to
undergo a change that has him pick them up again and enter the
inevitable battle. I believe this would be a good ‘problem’ for
me to spend time with, as I feel snagged on the spectre of
‘enemy’, and of being willing to go to battle (metaphorically
but also perhaps physically) with those who would harm my tribe.
Almost the opposite of the Gita story. I suppose I’d assumed
enlightenment would mean enemies were no longer viable or even
possible, that pacifism would be default. This feels
unacceptable to me. Let me spend some time with this knot, see
if I can loosen it.
Thank you Jed.
#Post#: 41922--------------------------------------------------
Re: Enlightened(?) Dad
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 14, 2020, 10:01 pm
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Concepts and stories, only of value when they are, and not when
they are not.
You don't have to 'fight' anything... there is no one out there
there to find and nothing out there anyways. It's all in you.
Forget about old stories, the only story you need to pay
attention is the story of 'you'. You mind what's to fight, to go
'there' because fighting strengthens the mind. A strong mind may
assist you in a real fight, but a strong mind will just get in
the way of your realization of your True Nature. Don't be
distracted from 'you'.
Relax, sit down, breathe and just be with what appears to be
'you'. Do you have my Full Body Breathing tape, free and quite
practical.
Write me at cambodianashram@gmail.com and I will send it.
Love ya, and stay healthy.
Jed.
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