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#Post#: 41709--------------------------------------------------
Stuck
By: Angelika Date: June 15, 2020, 10:25 am
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I am neither awakened nor enlightened, yet I am fed up with
searching. I want no more classes, no more retreats. I've heard
enough, read enough, my head is full of stupid wisdom. And yet
here I am.
Somehow I stumbled over "Spiritual Enligthement, the Damnedest
Thing" and now I am stuck in "Spiritually Incorrect
Enligtenment". And I don't want to do it anymore. But I can't go
back either.
Something is pulling me further, but every time I think I've
made some progress, then I realize that it's just another
illusion. Again and again, without end. I am tired. I want to
arrive, but there is no arriving. Therefore I want nothing. But
I can't find nothing. There's always something.
So I'm stuck... Not able to go back to what others call normal,
but also not able to get anywhere. Because anywhere is an
illusion too. And I don't even know why I'm writing this post. I
don't want to complain, just want to relieve myself. Damn self.
#Post#: 41716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 16, 2020, 12:02 am
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Hi Angelika:
Thanks for sharing your frustration. Which, as you already know
??? ??? ??? is as much an illusion as anything else. Perhaps you
are missing the entertainment value of this journey to nowhere.
IDK.
Whenever you want to vent, or if you have a question, feel free
to post and I will respond as best I can, with more illusion of
course. I want to rub your nose in illusion as best I can
because you still don't really believe it's all illusion, you
just think it is. Thinking is the problem, not the solution. How
do you end a merry-go-round you no longer want to be on? Just
get off and watch it.Watching is very different than thinking
about it... so, just watch everything and gently allow it to
appear to be something, when in your heart you know it's really
nothing.
The only thing keeping you on the merry-go-round is your
thinking, your striving, your wanting... and those too are all
made up... totally made up, and in reality an little tedious and
boring. How can you want what you are?
Society, education and the like teach that 'giving up' is a
failure, it's bad and must be avoided at all costs. My
experience has been that giving up leads to the most success one
could ever hope for.
I have a tape, called FBB (Full Body Breathing). It's free,
write me at cambodianashram@gmail.com and I will send it. It can
be quite helpful in slowing down you thinking and in generally
being healthier. Very few folks have a clue about how to breath
well.
Love ya and stay healthy,
Jed.
#Post#: 41720--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
By: Angelika Date: June 16, 2020, 5:28 am
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Hello Jed,
thank you very much for your comprehensive answer.
Yes, thinking is the problem, always has been. It's like
everything needs to be analyzed and thought through...
Little Angelika is sitting in her fire engine or her ambulance
(those with it's flashing lights on the roof), not aware that it
is only part of a merry-go-round. Then someone shouts: "Take
your hands off the wheel and enjoy the ride!" She does. But then
a bend comes and she forgets the advice, she is so scared, she
pulls the steering wheel around, not knowing that it has no
effect at all. *LMAO* It's absolutely childish and somehow
silly. But what can you do about your own forgetfulness? What,
when you forget that you're forgetful?
At first, little Angelika thought that her parents would get her
out of the merry-go-round one day, but in time she realized that
this would never happen, that she would have to jump out
herself. Ha-ha-ha, funny analogy. Sitting here on this stupid
kiddie carousel and getting stuck. For years! For decades!
There are hours, sometimes days, when I get off. I can look at
myself with the question: "What am I?" And then I see
nothingness. But then I blink and I'm back on the
merry-go-round. The whole ground, the foundation of my reality
is unstable, it wobbles, but it doesn't collapse.
Anyway, it is fun to write this all down here. You must heard
all these crap a few thousand times, Jed. I admire your
serenity. No need to answer all my outpourings. I'm grateful
that I have found this forum.
Lovingly
Angelika
#Post#: 41728--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 17, 2020, 2:33 am
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Hi there:
Laughed at your parents getting you off the merry-go-round. They
are the ones who put you on a merry go-round... and it is a go
round. (written that way intentionally). Yes, I have heard
similar stories more that a few times, but because I went
through a huge pile of manure to get here, it never seems to
tire me. I have great empathy for serious searchers/students.
Stick with whatever you are doing and practice those two tapes I
sent you. They won't 'give' you enlightenment, but will make for
a more peaceful and practical 'landing' strip, (H/A).
Never forget that this human experience is much, much more of a
dream than a reality. It could never be any other way.
Much love and write me any time.
Stay well... Jed.
#Post#: 41730--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
By: Angelika Date: June 17, 2020, 3:34 am
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Well, when I mentioned my parents, I was rather thinking of Big
Daddy. I have the impression that He is hiding in nowhere and
laughing His divine ass of. The universe has a funny sence of
humor...
Anyway...thanks for those nice advices.
#Post#: 41743--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stuck
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 19, 2020, 9:56 pm
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The test that I generally apply is simply, 'does it work'.
Should I, or any other teacher, suggest some approach, give it a
shot and be very aware of what appears to be working for you or
not. Also, some methodologies are beginner ones and others come
later. You will probably be aware when it is time to drop on,
and then someday, drop them ALL!
Love ya and stay healthy.
Jed
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