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       #Post#: 39864--------------------------------------------------
       An ACIM student, growing up.... 
       By: Jed McKenna Date: December 16, 2019, 11:25 pm
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       What I have learned and continue to learn from ACIM. For one its
       dangerous and very real. Its not a tickle fest as youve said.
       your going to have to confront utter futility of the illusion of
       you if you want to be honest, that may very well destroy you and
       perhaps youll never recover. Two manifestation is a word loaded
       up with bullshit. become an adult and realize your place in the
       whole thing and youll see it for yourself. Childhood
       manifestation is bullshit. There is a cost to everything.
       Setting out on a journey of manifestation has lead me to see
       what i'm seeking is constantly creating a loop of similar
       painful experiences all of which is very much to the point of
       this experience. Tilting that towards my desires is possible but
       maybe will never really be done (little me desires- alignment
       with YOU = true success).
       After experiencing months of intense pain and depression it
       seems to have settled a little to a duller just feeling of
       futility and sadness. Were there are physical symptoms along
       with it that make it hard (impossible at the moment) for me to
       even breathe correctly (hi maya arch. of all thats fictional aka
       everything, most importanlty for my purposes, me)
       There is also a curious feeling of not being a part of anything
       around me. the best way I could describe this sensation if I
       could even call it a sensation is that I'm not here. Yet i'm
       still stuck dealing with reality and trying to explain it all
       which creates more pain. Its a very curious thing between
       existing and not existing at the same time. very confusing.
       Because I suspect I will never go back to 'normal' anyway, tried
       turning away, letting it be doesnt seem to be an option i'm
       trying to face the problem of who am I , what am I ? By doubling
       down my manifestation efforts. I am going back to the beginning
       of ACIM and going though it again. There are many gems i'm sure
       can be helpful to be. I stopped creating illusions etc. so I'm
       not going to just jump back into that seems unrealistic. but
       maybe starting over from more simple warm up techs and over the
       next few weeks warming up can be effective most importantly in
       progress in my own journey of life.
       So thanks for helping me sort it all out.
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