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#Post#: 39409--------------------------------------------------
You may experience this... or not....
By: Jed McKenna Date: October 5, 2019, 8:50 am
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From a Series student, perhaps you can relate:
'm feeling a little like I've been moving backwards recently. I
was feeling like I was having unworthiness issues come up and so
I decided to sit with that. Except I think I actually ended up
sitting more with the idea of worthiness. I found this pretty
scary amount of rage inside about anything suggesting that I'm
not worthy enough or not good enough. It was so dark and ugly
it really sorta scared me. Was I angry at the thought of being
considered unworthy or was I like fighting to defend my status
as someone worthy? Or are those even different? I don't even
know. And then the strangest part of all came up. I realized I
have no idea what I've ever done in my entire life that
qualifies me as being worthy...or unworthy. How can anyone be
worthy of anything? What even determines that?? Is it being a
"good person"?? WTF is a "good person"? Is that like a good
christian? Am I actually christian after all? Is it being a
good daughter? Is it praying to God and trying to be nice to
people and having a clean house? It's like I have thousands of
opinions of what I have to do to be a worthy person (and I'm not
perfect at doing them which is why I am panicked about defending
my worthiness) but I never really realized that's what all those
little opinions were. I mean really, how am i suppose to know
what qualities or deeds make me worthy. How can any of it
determine my worth anyways? Am I even in control of my life?
And what is worthiness? What is it? How can it actually even
exist? How is it possible that it actually exists???
I'm feeling totally discussed with the whole thing, but I also
feel a bit stuck in it too, like I'm not ready to just give it
up. I've invested so much of my thoughts into this worthiness
bullshit and I didn't even know. It was all disguised.
Sorry for the rant. I was feeling pretty stuck and just wanted
to get that out.
Thank you always,
#Post#: 39447--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: AZS Date: October 9, 2019, 5:55 am
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Yes I can relate - happened last weekend to me. That sense of
complete emptiness/nothingness/not knowing in the spot where
worthy/unworthy beliefs used to be pinned on. Deep sadness then
happened as I realised that the goal of finally being worthy
would never be met. Then I saw fears I’ve had about actually
being worthy and the responsibility it entails. And now it’s
just... life doing its thing (worthy or not) - that’s all I can
say about the current experience really.
#Post#: 39450--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: Jed McKenna Date: October 9, 2019, 7:33 am
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Just be with it as best you can. And... don't cling to any
realization(s).
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 39454--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: AZS Date: October 9, 2019, 7:58 am
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Thank you, Jed.
#Post#: 39459--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: Parsley Date: October 10, 2019, 3:25 am
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To me it looks like self-worthiness is the most energy wasting
topic in life.
Being worthy means to fulfill conditions.
That's some kind of blasphemy. Because God (true nature) is the
motor of all that happens. There is no person who can be
different then it appears. No doer, only deeds.
So how can any dreamt character do anything wrong? That's simply
not possible.
#Post#: 39460--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: Jed McKenna Date: October 10, 2019, 4:17 am
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Saying it, thinking it, believing it or knowing it at a cellular
level? All are very different.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 39463--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: Parsley Date: October 10, 2019, 7:52 am
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Yes, that's right. The second after I posted it I realized it
and then you confirmed it. Obviously it takes time to release
cellular believing (false knowing) that keeps us from living the
easy way. That stuff has to come up from the hideout at first.
That's my intuition but you are the expert, not me :-) .
#Post#: 39464--------------------------------------------------
Re: You may experience this... or not....
By: Jed McKenna Date: October 10, 2019, 9:10 am
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:o :o :o ::) :P
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