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#Post#: 39119--------------------------------------------------
Cowardice and the like
By: Lucy_Miranda Date: August 26, 2019, 11:17 am
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So this is whole forum thing is very new to me. Not the rest!
It’s 30 degrees in Brighton (City on the South Coast of the UK).
Obi (my border terrier) is not impressed. I am - and persuaded
him to go out for a walk by the beach, though he spent much of
the time flopping under bushes. I’ll give him some ice cubes
when he wakes up.
I’ve just read your first book and have nearly finished the
second.
All but given up on anyone expressing the real deal and
hallelujah, you popped into my life. Haven’t listened to
Satsangs, read spiritual books in years. Knew in the end that
this was a lone battle and have been on it. My God it’s been
full on and lonely. Especially when you’re married, with two
kids and a psychologist/psychotherapist. At least I’m licensed
to tell people the truth, and have authentic honest
relationships with my clients. Though the urge to run to the
woods/mountains etc has been strong at times. And often I wonder
whether I can do this, living this kind of life.
In my time, I’ve gone to dozens of satsangs with a myriad of
teachers, and read copious amounts - my book shelves could be a
spiritual bookshop. Only teacher I really connected with was
Adyashanti, but haven’t checked in with him for several years.
Luckily I was blessed with a strong bull shit detector. My
personal bull shit detector could do with a bit of maintenance
however and that came in the form of you.
So Jed, honestly THANK YOU!!!
I’m going though a really stroppy phase. Putting on the costume
is almost unbearable and I’m becoming anti social, sarcastic and
rude. I just can’t do it! I can do dogs and young kids and
people who are really funny and don’t take things too seriously.
I’m just angry. Maybe at myself - for being a coward. Perhaps
I’m not willing to face up to the fact that to do this I need I
just need to bugger off and be alone, to really face MOBY DICK
solo. Without the constant costume party as distraction.
Actually as I write I realising that what I’m probably
frightened of is being this TRUTH means losing many comforts
(like getting out of a warm bath), including my family unit -
and of feeling even more alone - even more of an alien. The mad
woman in the woods who lives with a bunch of wild dogs, they ate
her in the end - when she died alone.
Anyhow, I feel like I am about to take the next step but not
sure what it is. Any hints???? They’d be very welcome.
Lucy x
#Post#: 39124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cowardice and the like
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 27, 2019, 12:06 am
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Hi there:
Thanks for sharing that. Sounds... hmm.. a little complicated.
While I am not an expert in electricity, I do know a little. I
know that a resister placed in a circuit develops heat in the
process of resisting electrical flow. The right size resistor
has to be figured out and sometimes a heat sink is called for to
dissipate the energy. You are the resister and life is the
electricity... in a sense. Until you realize that there is no
such thing as a resister and no such thing as life flowing
through it, you will be generating heat. I know that doesn't
make sense.
Going into the country and leaving it all behind simply means
you have turned down the current. At times and with certain
folks that may be appropriate. If you have a headache, it might
be a good idea to take a pill for it. If your headache lasts six
months... well, obviously that's different. Leaving your current
dream behind may be good, but I don't see it as a solution. I
tend to see solutions as diving into the middle.
I really dislike cold water when swimming. As a kid I would
slowly work my way into the water to go swimming. It was the
long and hard way and I was stupid. Most other kids would just
jump in and get it over with. You are dabbling on the edge of
the lake and it's going to be an ongoing discomfort and not a
lot of fun.
Anything that you can perceive is not real. A perception is not
Truth. An experience is not anything more than a facet of a
dream. What you really are is so far beyond this dream that it
is literally unimaginable. But, here is where you appear to be
and a problem is what you appear to have.
Your turn. Tell me how you could just jump in the deep end.
Think your head will explode and you will start eating people?
You might, I don't know. That is a risk with all humans. But I
doubt it. So, tell me one way you could completely immerse
yourself in the insanity around you (which I accept as an
accurate assessment). You don't have to take it on as yours,
just immerse yourself until you see that at this moment, in this
situation, those other folks have no other choice. At least you
chose to take it on and expressed a little volition. Other than
anger, a little sympathy might arise, perhaps a lot of sympathy.
Tell me who else might need sympathy. Who else was doing the
best the could at the time, with the resources that they had...
at that time. Perhaps others (???) could do with some
understanding and forgiveness. Once again, i don't know, it's
your dream of humanness, not mine. Seems to me to be a bit of a
shame living it out without maximizing love, fun and joy, but
that's about me, not you. If you prefer to live in anger, crap
and sadness... then I suggest you really work it. Maximize those
quality and at least derive some pleasure from developing a
somewhat kinky skill set. You can always succeed at failing.
Don't give me any b. s. about it being your situation or other
people, or a job, or responsibilities or anything else. It all
about you.. but it really doesn't matter if you feed me b. s. I
forgave you (and myself) decades ago. It's what you are feeding
yourself that counts. Open your eyes a little more, and a little
more... if you feel like it, open your heart a little also. You
do know you have one, you do know. Perhaps it needs a little
care and attention. What do you think.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 39125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cowardice and the like
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 27, 2019, 12:10 am
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Addendum;
I'm not sure if I responded to your post, or just went off on a
winding trail to nowhere land.
If I didn't contribute anything to your world, don't hesitate to
let me know, and I will take another shot at it... or not. It
all depends on... nothing in particular.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 39130--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cowardice and the like
By: Lucy_Miranda Date: August 27, 2019, 7:14 am
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Thank you Jed. Your reply is really helpful and spot on.
The notion of Choice : I’d forgotten about that. The following
is not me getting all pious on you. Just being frank. I work
with the socially excluded - the homeless, people who’ve spent
childhoods in care, people who’ve been in and out of hospital
and prison for most of their adult lives. I’m fully comfortable
with these folk and can keep my heart and eyes open in
relationship. I can see that their current situation wasn’t
their choice, they’re doing their best, with what they have. I
don't apply this notion to those who seem to have blessed lives,
assuming somehow they have choice. They don’t. We don’t - I need
to dwell on this more……
So back to your question - how do I jump in at the deep end?
Totally immerse myself, rather than painfully hanging out in the
shallows. Sounds like I should know but I don’t. A lot of fear
comes up at the thought of it. Like, when I was a kid and my Mum
forced to go to parties I didn’t want to go to.
I love swimming in cold water and can dive in when I know the
impact isn’t going to kill me. However, I absolutely hate diving
or jumping from heights. I’d be terrified by the prospect of
jumping out of a plane (which I know you do ). Something about
the terror and loss of control in free falling and being
obliterated by making contact with the water or ground. I’ve
just asked my son, who loves hurtling himself from high places,
how he does it and he said ‘something in me feels strong and
trusts that even if it goes wrong I’ll survive’. Paradoxical of
course, but I suppose that says it all!I will get back to you,
after I’ve really considered the following - Resistance to
making the jump and fully immersing myself in life. Oh and also
how to HAVE MORE FUN in the process.
x
#Post#: 39132--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cowardice and the like
By: Jed McKenna Date: August 27, 2019, 10:59 am
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Thanks kindly for sharing.
So, what is going to happen to you if you dive in and live life.
Even just a little more? You going to hemorrhage, have a heart
attack, break out in hives. Consider what the worst thing is
that could happen and figure out if you could live with that.
Push the envelope as far as you think you can, then push is a
little further.
Love ya, Jed
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