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#Post#: 4767--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 17, 2014, 12:52 am
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Reading some of the other posts and noticing the vitriol and
creative delusions on display I'm somewhat surprised you
volunteered for another tour of duty in the Ward of Fevered
Minds. Is this your Korean soap opera Jed? Or are you , 'aw
shucks Ma'am',a bodhisattva after all? All joking aside the
breadth and grace of your responses is impressive.
'Where am I" has been a fabulous koan and I'm still busily
pulling threads from it. Kinda low energy today, and not very
focused. Slept 9 hrs last night and still nodded off doing the
unfindable objects thing. Think this serious thinking stuff
draws more energy than expected. Gots to build dat endurance.
Went for a walk and managed to just be Awareness a few times,
without a sense of perceiver or perceived. Fascinated by birds
and actually found myself able to look briefly at a robin and
later a scrub jay without naming them. They were unusually
vivid. And when the inevitable thought'That robin is looking for
bugs under that leaf' appeared it seemed to diminish and haze
the scene. Back to the pressure cooker tomorrow.
Loving it,
Dan
#Post#: 4771--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 17, 2014, 1:51 am
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Dear ND:
We are all Bodhisattva and have simply been sent here to
realize it. That's the only real task that every was, screw
washing the dishes.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4826--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 18, 2014, 1:43 pm
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'Where am I' seems to have run outa gas. I can't seem to prove
that Awareness isn't associated with the location of the body.
Tried hard today to induce or accept, project or extend, an out
of body experience, to no avail. Can't think of anything else
that would be experiential proof. Without sensory input
Awareness fills a formless void, but stimuli always seems to
locate it at the data collection point. Tried all of my
Skeptical Arguments (present fave is that perception is a mirror
and Awareness is out there looking this way) and I can show that
I can't know where it is, but can't show I know where it's not.
Quite a few threads came loose in 'who am I' and I'll happily
begin pulling them. But my question is whether I SHOULD table
'where am I' since I'm stuck, or whether this is the time to
redouble my efforts.
#Post#: 4899--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 19, 2014, 8:04 pm
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As alluded to on the coming out rant I'm deeply identified with
being the guy with the answers. In fact my first response to the
idea of not-knowing was to adopt the posture of my own just
invented philosophy- Universal Skepticism. But that's more
claiming-to-know intellectual bullshit. And naturally I fancy
myself as some kind of writer and even garnered minor local fame
a few years ago with a few self published chapbooks. But I never
had the balls to risk the inevitable rejection which getting
someone else to publish them would have entailed. And then there
is the 'my daddy didn't love me enough' thing that's always good
for a little spotlight seeking. When I was in school I was
designated a genius and combining that with a lisp elicited a
lot of negative attention. Waaaaah! But it wasn't till I'd been
out of school for 20 years that I realized what a bully I was
with my intellectual shaming. I was skinny, slow and clumsy but
brains was my power. No wonder I got the crap kicked outa me
regularly. I'm no better(or worse) than the beauty queen or star
athlete trying to take credit for things that are just luck of
the draw. Wanting to be special, an ego trait which gives me
some threads to start pulling to unravel this cluster of crap.
#Post#: 4914--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 20, 2014, 7:03 am
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My is is; Yesterday morning, standing on the mountaintop,
screaming to the masses that "It's all bullshit. I'm setting my
piece afire and so should you", I felt strong, powerful,
energized. Like a warrior. This morning, thinking "I know
nothing", contemplating the ridiculousness of specialness, I
feel weak, lethargic, mournful. Like sitting at the bedside of a
dying friend.
#Post#: 4919--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 20, 2014, 8:16 am
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R.I.P.
#Post#: 4954--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 21, 2014, 10:57 am
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What do the twin pillars of ego, separation from Source and
multiplicity, what does that offer? What could induce me to
accept this hell of my own making? SPECIALNESS!!! Uniqueness!
That's the tie that binds me to the ego/body, the mother of all
attachments. Is that why you call us out over attention seeking
behavior? Cuz it sure looks to me like desire for specialness is
the root off all evil.
Yesterday I kept trying to find something to pry on or tear
off, but uniqueness seems so blatantly obvious that it's like a
marble edifice. Finally I realized that it's impenetrability
lies in the fact that it is welded directly from I AM/Awareness
to the twin trunks of ego. To find threads hanging off I have to
go all the way out to the tips of the branches and work my way
all the way back. But if I can find the right fuel for the
cutting torch I can just whack the whole specialness link free
and leave Awareness unfettered to any ideas or beliefs in
separation or multiplicity. I remember you saying (in Warfare?)
that we can't get rid of ego, just get rid of our identification
with, our attachment to, ego. Sure looks to me like this is the
way to do just that. If I just kill my mistaken belief in, and
desire for, specialness the rest of the crap should be seen for
the smoke and mirrors it is. May seem like I'm trying to take
the easy way out , but this doesn't seem like it'll be painless,
and it certainly appears to be the most direct way.
#Post#: 4955--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 21, 2014, 12:45 pm
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So this will be my practice till it pans out or proves it won't.
When not actually engaged in my job I will look slowly around
and say 'I don't know what that is' and try to just let it float
out there. Everytime someone asks me a question that doesn't
directly affect the performance of the task at hand I will try
to remember to say 'I don't know'. To every thought about how
great I am, or anybody else is I try to remember to respond,
'nothing is unique, no one is special, it's all equal, and
equally false'. And I will try really hard to catch myself
telling people what I think they don't know and showing off my
'knowledge', and cut it off with 'I am not special, I am equally
as false as everything else'. And when I have actual free time I
will get out the notebook and tear as many holes as possible in
the beliefs in uniqueness and specialness. Seems rather
acedemic, even to me, but I'm not sure what else to do. Any
ideas?
#Post#: 4970--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 21, 2014, 8:36 pm
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Well I was wrong! Becoming a pattern. Well, I'm starting to see
the pattern. Specialness is not the root of fear, it's just
another response to fear, a justification for fear. All day long
as I whacked at specialness I kept encountering fear. Just my
desire to be special, to figure out something new and original
kept me from realizing it sooner. Fear is that welded link
between Awareness and ego. You said it, and so have so many
others. But I was afraid to deal with it. And the only way I can
get rid of fear is to drag it piece by piece into the light,
stare it down, and wait for it to crumble. Then dredge out
another chunk and repeat, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Yay! This is
gonna be fun!
#Post#: 4985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 22, 2014, 5:59 am
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It all comes to those who wait, and something is coming.
Love ya, Jed.
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