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#Post#: 3662--------------------------------------------------
Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: October 29, 2014, 10:31 pm
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First an apology for using Notdan. Dan was taken and I was
trying to be clever, but it comes off as pretentious. There's
barely a hint of daylight between Consciousness and that ego
identity.
Intro- Attempted Christianity in teens then Alan Watts,
Castaneda, Chogyam Trungpa and Thad Golas. Perception of
meaninglessness authorized 30 years of rampant substance abuse
as a valid response. Realization of imminent system failure (and
even bigger realization that I didn't wish to opt out just yet)
prompted reevaluation. Since then I've read Gnosticism, Advaita
(old and new), Eckhart Tolle, Course in Miracles, David Carse,
Byron Katie, a bunch of simplistic crap, most of the authors Jed
recommends on the other forum, and, of course, the trilogy+1 by
Jed.
Presently doing a modified version of Katie's Work as a form of
SA due to Jed's injunction in the techniques rant to 'Get to
work!' No longer meditate much because the disattachment to
thoughts I could occasionally achieve seldom seemed to carry
over into the rest of my so called life. Lost interest in T/R
once Jed convinced me of the pointlessness of standing outside
the amusement park with nowhere else to go, but I would very
much like to widen that gap between what I AM, and what I THINK
I am.
Question- How the hell do I surrender? Against all knowledge and
desire, every time I turn around that damn hand is back on the
tiller!
#Post#: 3667--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 29, 2014, 11:00 pm
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Dear ND:
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I appreciate
the brevity and note you are not whining (some do you know).
Maybe you are a lot further along than you give yourself credit
for. Have you done the two part 'technique' rant?
I would be careful about looking for or anticipating certain
'experiences'. When you are contemplating your navel you might
ask yourself, 'If I was missing something, what might it be?' or
maybe 'If there were another layer to this, what might it be'.
or 'Is this world in me, or am I in this world.'
I encourage BK's work. Like anything, including my suggestions,
keep in mind they are only tools and you will throw them away
some day.. I hope.
Then there is the usual blah, blah, blah... remember to breath,
be gentle on yourself and... I trust you are avoiding
intoxicants... hmm..
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 3712--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: October 30, 2014, 9:00 am
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I do plenty of whining, just not in public. Was somewhat
disgusted, though not surprised, at the sycophantic rush I got
when I thought'Jed thinks I may be further along than I think.
And he appreciates my brevity!' Gotta admit I counted words and
edited till I was down to 246, cuz 'I wanna be loved😍'
Doubt I'm more than a few shovels deep into displacing this
mound of crap, since it's all still theoretical. But I haven't
worked up much of a sweat either.
Re technique: because I was focused on stimuli I actually had to
remind myself to be the perceiver, until I hit something
personal like an incoming text or a picture of my dead mother.
But had little success with imagining a pea sized me. 'I' could
be amorphous or contained by the body, but nothing else.
Working on breathing, an oddly challenging proposition
considering I've been doing it(wrong) for 53 years. As for
intoxicants I am free of alcohol, opiates, illegal stimulants
and THC, but frequently indulge in caffeine, nicotine,the
adrenaline rush of rock climbing, and the endorphin surge of
hard workouts, as well as the banal sopoforics of sit-coms,
melodrama, movies, televised sports, and routine gluttony.
Will comment about your 'experiences' injunction when I have
something coherent to say. Thanks for your reply. For now I'll
shovel on.
Plodding,
Dan
#Post#: 3965--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 2, 2014, 4:49 pm
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Picked up a rock as I went for a walk. Rock was cold and wet so
I was very conscious of it. It warmed and I forgot about it till
my hand started going pins and needles. Oh yeah, carrying a
rock. Open fingers and balanced it on palm till fingers quit
tingling. Grasp again. Walk. Carpal tunnel stuff again. Decided
to drop it, but felt a lot of resistance. Well I promised Jed.
Lie. Jed said 'do this'. Still a lie, since I changed terms, but
closer. Still holding it as I walk. Half hour in now. Fingers
cramping in position, hard to open because of duration. Force
them open. Screw Jed, but I still can't drop it. Realize the
truth is that I promised myself, so I could learn something. Am
I learning things. Hell yeah! Whole event is rife with
symbolism. Anything else to learn? Walking, gripping, walking,
gripping. One more lesson. I DONT WANT TO KEEP HOLDING ON TO
THIS DAMN ROCK! So I dropped it, easy peasy, and didn't look
back. Thank you Jed!
#Post#: 3987--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 2, 2014, 9:30 pm
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;)
#Post#: 4096--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 4, 2014, 6:01 pm
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The 'experience' I had during the night my beliefs in scientific
validity were crushed led me to a series of conclusions I've
spent the last several days trying to ignore(lotta energy into
that) or refute. But reading about Julie's First Step today(for
like the 15th time) the whole thing washed over me again so I'm
letting it out for cross examination. This seems to be Truth;
There is absolutely no objective reality to this universe, all
subjective reality is illusory, and what 'I' really am beneath
the layers of delusion and role playing is merely a point of
view within the projection of the infinity of Consciousness. So
my question is- IS THIS TRUE?
#Post#: 4098--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 4, 2014, 9:44 pm
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Realize it seems I'm looking for confirmation. Actually looking
to be proved wrong, at least when I posted, cuz it freaked me
out. Always pictured there being something to hang onto, even in
meaninglessness and no self. Childish notions. Doesn't matter
tho. I know the truth(small t) of it. Further it is
#Post#: 4100--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 4, 2014, 10:52 pm
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Yup...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4196--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 6, 2014, 12:57 pm
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So does surrender mean letting go of any volition, or is the
occasional paddle stroke required to keep one in the flow and
avoid dashing against the rocks? Seems this might be covered by
doing what is indicated. Or is the script already written and
absolutely nothing I can do can change it?
#Post#: 4206--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fresh meat
DIR By: Notdan
Date: November 6, 2014, 7:57 pm
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And not that I've noticed a propensity for sugar coating on your
part, but I wanted to assure you that if the answer is indeed
that the only thing we have any free will over is whether or not
we identify with or even give any creedence to the bullshit
spewed by the ego, and that we cannot effect the dream in any
way, I will not freak out. Might've 6 months ago, and even a
week ago it would've been a huge shock, but it now seems like it
would be a great gift in my quest for dis identification with
the ego to realize that this dream is actually filled with
robots following the programming of consciousness,(myself
included) and that the ego is merely an idiotic play by play
announcer trying to take credit for the outcome of the game.
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